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她最喜歡的茶包是格雷伯爵茶。她愛說“格雷伯爵”，還想有朝一日嫁給一位名叫格雷伯爵的人。
他們將生活在蘇格蘭的一個城堡中，有9個孩子，養兩只鴨子...和一個叫凱文的狗。
Narrator: Mary Dinkle's eyes were the colour of muddy puddles. Her birthmark, the colour of poo.
***Australia 1976***
Narrator: It was Saturday afternoon and she was bored. Mary wished she had a friend to play piggybacks with. Mary's mood ring, which she'd found in a cereal box, was grey which , according to the chart, meant she was either pensive, unconsciously ambitious or hungry.
Her only friends were "The Noblets" from her favorite cartoon. They weren't the real ones you bought in the shops but fake ones she had to make herself from shells, gum, nuts, pompons and the chicken bones salvaged from Friday night's takeaway.
She had to make all her own toys, and her favorites were Shrinkies potato chip packets that she had shrunk in the oven.
Mary's father, Noel Noeman Dinkle, worked in a factory, attaching the strings to the tea bags.
At show-and-tell, she told the class he could get as many free bags as he wanted.
Her favorite tea bag was Earl Grey. She love saying "Earl Grey" and would like one day to marry someone called Earl Grey. They would live in a castle in Scotland, have 9 babies, 2 ducks...and a dog called Kevin.
Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed and drink Baileys Irish Cream and stuff birds he'd found on the side of the freeway.
Mary wished he'd spend more time with her and less with his dead friends.
She also wished she had some brothers and sisters. Her mother had told her she was "an accident". How could someone be an accident?
Grandpoppy Ralph had told her that babies were deliberate and found by dads at the bottom of their beer.
Grandpoppy Ralph had smelt like pickled onions and had been a member of the Frankston Ice Breakers for 51 years.
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