Ben: Whose request? I hate mushrooms!
Luke: Thanks a lot, Mrs. Seaver. You know it's my favorite.
Ben: I've never liked mushrooms. All my life I've made that very clear. I will not eat fungus.
Chrissy: Eww! Me either! What's fungus?
Ben: It's like the stuff between Luke's toes.
Chrissy: Eww!
Luke: Like the stuff between your ears.
Chrissy: Eww!
Jason: Ben, c'mon, watch it; your mother went to a lot of trouble….defrosting…that chicken. And opening that can of mushroom soup.
Ben: Did I mention I hate mushrooms?
Carol: What's the big deal? Just pick them out.
Ben: Well, if I was gonna pick something out, I'd pick out a new family who lived in a mushroom-free zone.
Jason: Can we just have some pleasant conversation around here?
Ben: Fine.
Jason: All right. So Luke, you making a lot of new friends at school?
Ben: (choking)
Maggie: Ben, are you all right?
Chrissy: It's the fungus.
Ben: I'm fine. Sorry if my near-death experience ruined anyone's meal.
Luke: Didn't ruin mine.
Carol: I'm fine.
Mike: No problem here.
Ben: Carol, will you please ask Luke to pass the salt.
Carol: Luke, pass Ben the salt please.
Ben: Tell him I'll save him some in case he wants to pour any of it in my wounds.
Luke: Listen, I don't know why you're so mad at me. Mike said I wasn't doing anything wrong.
Ben: Mike? You told him to do this to me?
Mike: Ben, would you keep it down? I'm trying to enjoy my chicken here.
Ben: Oh, you like dinner so much? You can have some of mine.
Entire family: (yelling) Hey! Stop it you two!
Jason: What's going on between you guys?
Mike: What are you throwing food at me for?
Ben: I'm sorry, excuse me. I didn't mean to throw food at Mike. I meant to throw it at him!
Entire family: (yelling)
Maggie: I said stop it!
Jason: Get out of here! All you guys! And you go with them, since you obviously have something to do with this, Mike. Big surprise!
Chrissy: Can't they stay? I've never seen a food fight before.
Jason: You just stay here and eat your chicken and fungus.
Mike: C'mon, Ben. We didn't think you were interested in Cheryl.
Ben: That didn't mean I wanted her stolen away by some sniveling weasel.
Luke: Yeah, well, this sniveling weasel's gonna pop you one.
Ben: Yeah?
Mike: Hey, hey, hey, guys, guys, c'mon. You're fighting over a girl. All right, now why don't you save it for the important stuff, like…who gets the remote control.
Ben: That's another thing; how come he gets the remote control all the time?
Luke: Yeah? How would you like the channels changed on your face?
Mike: Hey, hey, hey, guy, guys, knock it off. All right now, Luke, c'mon, go upstairs and give me a minute to figure this out with Ben.
Luke: Sure, I gotta go Q-tip the mashed potatoes out of my ear.
Mike: Now, Ben, you mind telling me what's going on here?
Ben: Cheryl adored me. She worshipped at the shrine o'Ben.
Mike: Oh, now, c'mon. Do you think that's really fair? To use some girl like that to stroke your own ego?
Ben: Of course.
Mike: Ben, what if some girl was doing the same thing to you? Oh, I'm sorry about that. How is my hair?
Ben: Mike, she made me feel important. I mean, all my life I've been Seaver's little brother. I mean, that's all I ever heard. I'm finally out of your shadow, and now I'm the kid who lives with Luke. I mean, he gets better grades than me, looks better in my clothes, and I choke on his mushrooms. He's even stealing the advice you should be giving me. You're my brother, not Luke's!
Chrissy: Hi!
Jason and Maggie: Hi, Honey!
Maggie: How was school? Did you tell them about our jobs.
Chrissy: Yeah! It was great. I even drew pictures.
Jason: Oh, how nice.
Maggie: That's very imaginative.
Chrissy: Yeah, it was great. First I told them what daddy does. I said he takes women into his office, closes the door and makes them lay on the couch. An hour later they come out crying and give him money.
Maggie: And what did you tell them about my job?
Chrissy: I said that you have way more fun than daddy. I said that you love to snap men's boxer shorts. Over and over. Cause you like a happy man!
Maggie: Oh-oh.
Chrissy: And I said when you finish, you pour hot coffee on them.
Jason: Well, what did your teacher think of this report?
Chrissy: She must have liked it; she told me to go straight home and have you call her.
Jason: Yeah, why don't we do that right now.
[Doorbell]
Cheryl: Hi, is Ben home?
Jason: Yeah, come on in. Ben!
Ben: Cheryl, what a pleasant surprise.
Cheryl: I just came here to drop off your history notes, since we won't be doing our presentation together.
Ben: What are you talking about? We're partners.
Cheryl: Not anymore.
Ben: Cheryl, what happened to our relationship that let an outsider come between us?
Cheryl: You never called, we never went out, and you made fun of me at school.
Ben: Sure, if you want to nitpick. But we can make things the way they used to be.
Cheryl: The way they used to be? Me hanging around your locker, doing your homework, hoping that just once you'd eat lunch with me?
Ben: Worked for me.
Cheryl: Forget it! It didn't make you like me. And you know, I didn't like me either. Luke may not be interested in me, but things are never going back to the way they were.
Ben: Wait! Wait a minute. What do you mean; Luke's not interested in you?
Cheryl: Ask him; he broke our date.
Ben: He did? Why?
Cheryl: He said something about family problems.
Ben: Look, Cheryl, I've been a jerk and I'm sorry. Would you mind going in the kitchen for a minute?
Cheryl: Why? Do you want me to fix you dinner?
Ben: Just for a minute, please. (yelling) Luke!
Luke: You bellowed?
Ben: Listen. What happened between you and Cheryl?
Luke: Nothing happened. Nothing's going to happen.
Ben: But I thought you said you really liked her.
Luke: Yeah, but I didn't know you'd get so freaked. And besides, you and your family have been so good to me, this isn't how I wanted to repay you. See you around.
Ben: Luke, we don't need you to repay us. You know, we want you here.
Luke: I've seen it happen to kids before. One day you just go too far and wear out your welcome.
Ben: If that were true, Carol'd have been gone a long time ago.
Luke: Well, we never did fight over mushrooms and sweaters before.
Ben: Look, I'd never fight like that with a stranger. Only a brother…who really ticks me off.
Luke: The feeling's mutual.
Ben: Well, since it looks like we're both gonna be here awhile, would you mind doing me a favor?
Luke: Sure.
Ben: Go check out my history presentation. It's in the kitchen.
Luke: Your history presentation?
Ben: Just get in there, mushroom-breath!
Cheryl: Luke.
Luke: Cheryl.
Cheryl: Listen, I…I'd better go.
Luke: No, no, no. You can stay; I'll go.
Cheryl: No, no, no. You can stay.
Luke: No, no, no. I'm going.
Cheryl: Luke, you live here.
Luke: Oh.
Cheryl: Well, see ya.
Luke: Look, Cheryl. There's two ways I can play this; I can spend the next three years ignoring you until you're crazed with desire for me, or plan B - I could ask you here and now to the Sadie Hawkins dance.
Cheryl: No, you can't. I'm supposed to ask you. Okay, two words. Sadie. Hawkins.
Luke: One word. Yes.
Cheryl and Luke: Woo-hoo-hoo!