Maggie: Dwight...have we gotten to the apology part yet?
Dwight: I'm sorry, so are you with you husband?
Carol: No, it's just us girls foot loose and fancy free.
Dwight: Groovy, eh…
Chrissy: Daddy, are you mad at me?
Jason: No, why would you say that sweet heart?
Chrissy: Cause you're making the same noises you do when you pay bills.
Jason: Okay, I hate doing this but I love you and when we love somebody you'll do anything for them like comb lice eggs out of their hair, help them with their home work, go places we don't want to go, do things we don't want to do like dancing.
Chrissy: You want to dance? Wait till I get my muffet's record.
Jason: No no no wait, come here sweet heart, maybe later I still got a few more hairs to cover.
Chrissy: How many hairs do I have daddy?
Jason: You have billions and billions.
Luke: I figure we got about forty loads of laundry left to do.
Mike: Well, only ten if we soak Carol's stuff in kerosene and torture it.
Jason: Isn't Ben supposed to be helping you guys?
Luke: Ok, he's upstairs doing research, he said he is trying to get into the head of a louse.
Mike: Mike, which should be a comfortable fit.
Jason: Hey Ben come on down here we need you.
Ben: Dad, I've got some really powerful information that's gonna save us a lot of work.
Jason: What's that?
Ben: Whales, platapusses and armadillos don't get lice.
Jason: I want you to put that book down and back away slowly.
Ben: What is the big deal? Come on this is not anybody's problem, we're turning the house upside down, there were terangillas okay, cobras I'm right there with you but we're talking about lice, so they make you itch, I've been itching my whole life.
Jason: That's nothing to brag about Ben.
Mike: Damn it Gal let me just give it a shot I speak Ben, now listen let's just say that one of these eggs hatches in this house and just one of these little cooties jumps into your hair, we are talking lice capades. Alright then and petty soon people start calling you cootie head.
Ben: I've been called worst.
Mike: And then you get sent home from school.
Ben: Great, vacation.
Mike: And then no girl will ever date you.
Ben: I want these lice found and I want them dead.
Carol: Thanks for sitting in with us mom, well Brad and I just wanted to dance and then we'll be stuck with Dwight and I'm stuck with, well you don't have anybody else either.
Maggie: Well I hope that everybody understands that I am just here to eat.
Brad: Evening Ladies.
Carol: Hi Brad.
Brad: I picked these out especially for you.
Carol: Oh mom, have you ever since such beautiful flowers?
Maggie: Well as a matter of fact.
Brad: Carol, you wanna dance?
Carol: Love to.
Maggie: Dwight, what's this?
Dwight: Flowers.
Maggie: Sit down Dwight, I think we have to clear something up.
Dwight: Great, I should have known an attractive woman like you wouldn't be interested in me, stupid, stupid, stupid, fifteen ninety five for the flowers, nice going Dwight, you just told her how much they cost and you're talking to yourself, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Maggie: Dwight, quit beating yourself up, I think that there's just been a little misunderstanding here, this is not date.
Dwight: But I ask Carol, she said yes.
Maggie: I said yes to dinner, not flowers and…lemon pledge?
Dwight: I was in a hurry, I was in a hurry, I packed the wrong can.
Maggie: Dwight, I am a happily married woman.
Dwight: But in the exercise room you said you were foot loose and fancy free.
Maggie: And you said groovy.
Dwight: I just hit on a married woman, well the only thing left for me to do now is to go back to my room and rotate my shoe trees, see you.
Maggie: No no no Dwight sit down, now there's a room full of girls your age why aren't you talking to them?
Dwight: Girls my age don't find me exciting.
Maggie: Well have you ever tried talking to them the way you're talking to me right now?
Dwight: I'll like to but I can't, just once I'll like to be one of those smooth operators who just walks up to anyone in the room and say exactly what's on his mind.
Man: Hey baby, you want to lick my nipples?
Maggie: No, but I'll like to break them.
Man: If you don't want to dance with me, I'll godge my eyes off with a cocktail fork.
Maggie: Oh, I'm sorry I promised this dance to Dwight? But here. Thank you for getting me away from that guy. We can stop anytime you like.
Man: Okay.
Maggie: You can dance.
Man: Well yeah this is just a regular PE.
Luke: I washed all the sheets vacuumed the mattresses and bock springs.
Mike: Good.
Luke: Hey where's Ben?
Mike: I think he is upstairs scrubbing everything that hasn't been nailed down.
Luke: Ah, you've known Ben longer than I have, I mean I'm glad that he's doing all the work but does he always get carried away like this?
Ben: Who gave you guys the day off? There's work to be done.
Mike: Well have mercy on us rubber man, I think we're finished.
Ben: Oh really? I'll be the judge of that, let's go to the big board, there's no check box next to stuffed animals.
Luke: Mike and I put them in plastic bags to starve the lice your rubberness.
Ben: What is this, some kind of joke to you guys? This is my life here, I'm trying to deal with a major health crisis and I'm sure dad will back me on this
Jason: Ben, take off that outfit, you look like a bathtub stopper.
Mike: Dad come on will you tell the Lord of latex here that we're done.
Ben: I'm sorry dad but we are not done until the cootie board says, oooo we're done!
Jason: Good, I'm going out, Mike I'm gonna leave you in charge of the others.
Mike: Okay, it's always nice to know I am your first choice dad.
Jason: You weren't, Carol's out and Chrissy is too short.
Mike: Where are you going?
Jason: Oh I have some unfinished business to take care of, I'll call you guys in a couple of hours.
Mike: Okay, See yah.
Jason: Bye.
Luke: I don't know about you guys but I'm watching the all girls tractor pudding.
Ben and Mike: Alright.
Mike: Chrissy, do you want anything done?
Chrissy: Nothing's for Mr. Blow Hole as a cheeses sandwich.
Mike: Mr. who?
Ben: What's Mr. Blow Hole doing out of the plastic bag?
Chrissy: I took him out this morning.
Luke: You what?
Chrissy: Don't you remember? Ben said whales don't get lice.
Mike: Chrissy Chrissy please tell me you didn't dray Mr. Blow Hole all over the house?
Chrissy: I didn't.
Mike: Ah, Thank Goodness.
Chrissy: Mr. Blow Hole was scared of the basement.
Luke: Chrissy!!!
Ben: That does it we have to clean the whole house all over again.
Mike: Ben, Ben just stay calm.
Ben: I am calm.
Chrissy: Do you have to shampoo my head again to?
Mike: Not necessarily.
Ben: Chrissy, how would you like to look like Shanado Corner?
Carol: Kind of dark.
Brad: Yeah I've never been here in the night.
Carol: I hope we don't get in trouble.
Brad: I'm already in trouble.
Machine: Get moving slow poke.
Brad: My God carol I thought that was you, so where were we?
Carol: We were kissing.
Brad: Right.
Carol: And I was about to leave.
Brad: Why? We were getting along great.
Carol: No we weren't, you were.
Brad: I don't get it.
Carol: I need somebody who means it when he kisses me and doesn't lie.
Brad: When did I lie?
Carol: You said you've never been in here before, but you knew exactly where the lights were.
Maggie: Come on Dwight the band's gonna play another one.
Dwight: Maggie please, I'm not as young as I used to be.
Carol: You two are great. And Mom, you're amazing!
Maggie: Oh thank you sweetheart and you seem pretty chirper yourself.
Carol: It feels so good to dump a hunk.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the last dance of the evening .
Maggie: Dwight do you have enough strength for one more Fox Trout?
Dwight: South fill your harvest mood.
Maggie: surprise me.
Jason: May I cut in.
Maggie: Jason,oh honey, what are you doing here?
Jason: Well after we finished dinner I had a craving for something sweet.
Maggie: My Saturday Night Sever is back?
Jason: Oh Something different about you tonight Maggie.
Maggie: There is?...What?
Jason: I don't know it's kind of a sort of a tingly, intense, light sort of super Maggie kinda thing.
Maggie: Thank you.
Jason: (sings) The more I see you.
Maggie: Oh, I can't believe you're here.
Jason: (sings)The more I want you.
Maggie: Praise you Jesus.
Jason: (sings) And some how this feeling just grows and grows, you know the only one for me can only be you.