Jason: Nope, nope, nope Maggie, I'm, oh boy.
Maggie: What are you doing?
Jason: I'm just trying to get to the phone so I can at least make some business calls.
Maggie: Nope, nope, nope, you just sit there and heal mister.
Jason: Ooooooooooh, oh boy, oh boy, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Carol: I feel so bad Dad's eating alone.
Maggie: Ok, gather your plates, we're eating in the living room.
Jason: Oh boy, oh, oh boy.
Maggie: Sweet heart, we didn't want you to eat all by yourself.
Jason: Oh that's very thoughtful.
Chrissy: Mom can I have a peanut butter sandwich?
Maggie: Carol would you please make her another peanut butter sandwich.
Carol: Mom when I was five years old and only wanted to eat one thing, you put your foot down.
Maggie: They were anchovies and you smelt like a bait stand.
Carol: Mom.
Maggie: Don't worry I'll get a vitamin to mash into the peanut butter.
Chrissy: Chunky style please.
Maggie: Oh it'll be chunky all right.
Jason: Mike so what about the banquet?
Mike: Um, Mom will kill me if I discuss that with you Dad.
Jason: I'm gonna be well someday Mike.
Mike: Ah, well about the banquet, it's, ah, it's going a-ok.
Jason: How about the food, are you within budget?
Mike: Well we're, ah, I cut the budget.
Jason: Really? By how much?
Mike: Uh, by one… hundred… smackers.
Luke: Boy you were right you really can't breathe these things.
Mike: Wow, wow, hold a second. Luke, you're supposed to take these things out.
Luke: Oh, what about the little balls of paper in the shoes?
Maggie: Jason, won't you please take a pill.
Jason: Don't need one, Mike I gotta hand it to you, I had some trepidations about this banquet tonight, you know, maybe that you'd embarrass me in front of my colleagues or Doctor Bellows, but you've really come through.
Mike: Ha, ha, ha.
Jason: Shrinkarama 91?
Mike: That's, ah, really something huh?
Jason: I hate it.
Mike: Something that Ben did.
Jason: Mike I put you in charge of this banquet.
Mike: Well Dad, it, uh, it, uh, I just couldn't leave the little kids outta it. I mean it was our first big event.
Jason: Pardon me, pardon me, hello, I think you fellas, uh; you must be in the wrong ball room.
Musician: Impossible Senor, shrinkarama 91 no?
Jason: Well yes but no, I mean…., Mike, where is the String Quartet?
Mike: Uh, Ben?
Ben: Hey this is better and for half the price.
Jason: Huh, I'm sorry guys but Mariachi music, that's all wrong for this evening.
Musician: No problem Senor, just say adios Dos Hombres… and shalom, Bar Mitzvah cats! Havana giver, Havana giver, Havana …
Jason: Guys, Cats, listen up, oh boy; can you play something more appropriate for a room full of psychiatrists?
Musicians: Well I think I'm going outta my head; yes I think I'm going outta my head….
Jason: Oh, what's this? We're supposed to be having veal with truffles, Mike?
Mike: Uh, Luke?
Luke: Hey I looked it up, a truffle is a fungus rooted up by a pig, I got us some real food.
Jason: You can't eat ribs and corn on the cob in tuxedoes, Mike?
Mike: Luke!
Luke: Way ahead of you, check this out. I almost got the ones with out the happy hog but they were kinda stuffy.
Jason: Nobody gets these bibs right? Oh boy.
Maggie: Here Jason, take this pill.
Jason: Maggie please, I will not take the pill; do not treat me like a child.
Maggie: If I were treating like a child I'd mash it into your food so you'd never know.
Fatima: Excuse me are you Doctor Sever?
Jason: Yes.
Fatima: I am Fatima!
Jason: Mike!
Mike: It's Luke.
Luke: Ben.
Ben: Don't tell me you guys have a problem with this.
Jason: You three follow me.
Luke: What happens now, do we get spanked?
Ben: Hopefully by Fatima.
Maggie: Just potatoes on this plate please.
Carol: Mom, what are you doing?
Maggie: I am treating your father like a child.
Jason: Could you just leave with out drawing any more attention please. I want you three to tell me there are no more surprises.
Luke: You've seen it all.
Ben: Yeah the rest will be so boring; it'll make your eyes cross.
Jason: Oh, that's all I ask.Oh…Wa….
Luke:I knew you were angrily take your pain pills. Told me the truth, you don't trust doctor any more I do.
Jason: That's the message give you, Luke? All right. Watch this, this is how much I do trust doctors, all right?
Maggie: Oh honey I had them give you extra potatoes cause that's all you can eat.
Jason: Well that is just fine because I am ravenous.
Maggie: Well I know somebody is feeling a lot better.
Jason: Yeah I certainly am.
Maggie: And do you know why?
Jason: Um hmm, I took a pill.
Carol: How did you know?
Jason: I know because I was there when I took it, half an hour ago when I out for the boys.
Maggie: What?
Jason: And I feel great.
Maggie: Oh Jason, I think there's something I've gotta tell you.
Musician: Ladies and gentlemen, I now give you the man behind Shrinkarama 91, Doctor Jason Sever.
Jason: Thank you very much, uh, good friends and colleagues can we have a light on Doctor Bellows' table please, and, uh, we are here tonight to honor a great man, a man who makes us all proud to be psychiatrists, he is a man known the world over as a brilliant therapist and a devout scholar and incase you're wandering no that's not his real hair. I'm kidding, off course I'm kidding and Doctor Bellows has a great sense of humor, just look at his wife. Where was I, oh yes, he is a great man and, uh, a man who really, really, really means a lot to me, and uh, so the only way I can uh, only way I can think of to properly express how I feel about uh, this therapeutic nut bucket. You are the sunshine in my life, oh yeah, oh yeah, that's why I'll always stay around you, when you, when you, when you, hey, you are the apple of my eye, eye, eye, eye, forever you stay in my heart. I'm just wild about Alfy, Alfy's wild about me, hey. Anybody here from outta state? Huh? Outta town? Outta money? Ha, ha, ha, I know, hey well listen you can go in to see old Doctor Alfy Bellows, you know that feeling don't you? So what are you up to now Alfy? At two hundred and fifty an hour? I'm kidding, it's worth it. Oh, a note, "Do you know you're making a jackass of yourself?" No but I do know Mag the knife. Hit it boys. Oh the shark, hey, hey, hey, a pearly cheese bay, and it shows them pearly white, come on everybody
Maggie: Jason.
Jason: Well at jack night heads all the heave bay and he keeps it way outta site, oh Jenny darling, up, up, New York means a lot……. (Continues singing)
Maggie: Jason, Jason.
Jason: Oh oh, I'm so embarrassed, I can't believe it. I forgot to introduce my family. Can I get a light please over here? Table 16, my good wife Maggie, I love you, my sons Mike and Ben and our darling daughter Carol, our old pal Luke over there and uh, you know I see all these beautiful fresh young faces and I think hey old Alf is gonna be dead soon. And now the end is near, the famous face, the final curtains, your friends we make it clear we'll state our case of which we're certain, wait, wait, wait a second, let's give it up for my posy, my posy right here (speaks Spanish), yeah, my main man, he did it his way, yeah, old Alfy Bellows, thank you, thank you everyone, Alfy has left the building.
Maggie: Oh Jason it's all my fault; I never should have put that pill in your potatoes.
Jason: No I can't believe I pulled that in front of Doctor Bellows.
Maggie: Oh honey, Doctor Bellows is a professional I'm sure he's seen a lot worse. I'm sure he doesn't think any less of you.