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Mike: cartoons! Ben, you are watching cartoons at your age?
Ben: What’s wrong with that?
Mike: What’s wrong Ben, is that with cable, we have got the all women’s wrestling channel. Oh
hey, the road runner! My favorite.
Maggie: Maybe you didn’t take your wallet with you.
Jason: Maggie, I know I had it with me. I could feel my bulge when I was talking to the
woman in cosmetics. I'm telling you. Somebody lifted my wallet.
Mike: You mean they cut the chain that you had hooked to it?
Jason: I did that once. One time water skiing and you won’t let me forget it.
TV One two three, one two three. Think how happy he will be. Ok girls, fifty more.
Carol: Fifty!
TV Since you whined, sixty.
Carol: No man is worth power squats.
Maggie: Carol, you haven’t seen your dads wallet, have you?
Carol: No. Did you frisk mike?
Maggie: That's a thought. Carol...
Carol: Yeah.
Maggie: No man is worth power squats.
Carol: Jumping jacks?
Maggie: Maybe.
Carol: And one and two and three and four and five and ahhhhhh! I'll get on a scale and prove
this wasn’t my fault.
Jason: Alright, well then how come in your TV commercials, the claims adjuster is there
writing a cheque before the dust even settles? What are you laughing at? Look pal, I’m
telling you my daughter just came crashing through the ceiling. She could have been hurt. No
she's not a large girl. Hello.
Maggie: Jason, don’t expect service when you buy insurance out of a machine.
Jason: I bought that policy from a guy in a van. He had business cards and everything.
Lloyd: Ok folks. I checked the whole house.
Maggie: Well what exactly did you find Mr. Cummings?
Lloyd: Call me Lloyd.
Jason: Ok Lloyd, well...
Lloyd: I told her to call me Lloyd, not you.
Jason: Ok, Mr. Cummings...
Lloyd: You can call me Barry
Jason: Barry, Larry, whoever the hell you are. Why have we got a whole in the ceiling?
Lloyd: Termites.
Carol: I told you it wasn’t me.
Jason: carol, please get away from the whole or the whole thing could come down.
Carol: Oh nice dad. Thanks.
Lloyd: If you need an exterminator, I have someone I can recommend.
Maggie: But, but this is you.
Lloyd: My god it is. How can I help you?
Jason: But I thought you were a handy man.
Lloyd: I've obviously never worked for you before.
Maggie: So how many termites?
Lloyd: Well I hope a lot, because if it's only one, we'd better all run for our lives. Ha ha ha.
Carol: just for the record, I am four pounds lighter than I should be for my height.
Maggie: Carol, no one thinks you are chunky.
Carol: Its right here in black and white.
Jason: I'll read it later.
Lloyd: I could have the place tented today, sprayed tomorrow and you could be back in here
by Monday.
Jason: What's all this going to cost me?
Lloyd: well, it’s hard to say. But it is the weekend.
Jason: Alright, thank you. We’ll call you.
Lloyd: Yeah. That's a wise choice. You just check on a cheaper price while the termites floss.
Ha ha ha.
Maggie: Jason, why don’t we just let him get started?
Jason: Maggie, I am a professional judge of human character, and I’m telling you, this guy
can’t be trusted. There is something about him that's crooked.
Maggie: Jason.
Lloyd: Excuse me. I found this wallet on the porch. Does it belong to you?
Maggie: Well what do you know? Jason, your wallet wasn’t stolen and not only that, your
credit cards are here, and all your money. You were saying sweetheart?
Jason: So, how soon, uh, could you, uh, start uh...?
Lloyd: Poncho.
Jason: Poncho.
Jason: carol, what could possibly be so essential and so heavy that you couldn’t live without it
for two days?
Ben: her pimple plaster.
Jason: Hello, I’m doctor Seaver. We called ahead for a reservation.
Receptionist: Oh yes, and you needed three additional cots with that room.
Maggie: Cots?
Jason: Well I don’t think its right for the kids to sleep on the floor.
Receptionist: Oh, you're a naughty man.
Jason: Pardon me?
Receptionist: You are trying to use a stolen credit card.
Jason: Oh no. See that.
Receptionist: You thought they were stolen so you reported them, then found them later and
forgot to call back.
Jason: that's it.
Receptionist: And women receive equal pay for equal work.
Jason: Wait wait, don’t do that. What are you doing there.
Receptionist: Cos that is how we treat scum buckets like you sir.
Jason: I want to talk to your manager.
Maggie: You can do that after you put the room on my card.
Jason: Maggie, don’t look at me like that. I had to call and cancel the cards. Some goofball
could be on a wild spending spree.
Maggie: Oh a card with a hundred dollar limit?
Jason: Two fifty.
Receptionist: uh oh!
Carol: Uh oh what?
Receptionist: When we lie down with pigs, we come up smelling like garbage.
Maggie: What?
Receptionist: Same account number.
Maggie: I am not a crook.
Receptionist: And where have we heard that before.
Jason: Ma'am listen. The credit cards were not stolen. This is all a mistake. My kids will vouch
for me.
Ben: I don’t know this man.
Maggie: Listen Miss uh, miss uh, Tania. Our house is being fumigated and we have to place to
stay. Can’t you just accept a personal check?
Receptionist: Oh certainly. With a valid credit card.
Maggie: Well my husband is a well known psychiatrist. Show her Jason.
Jason: Um, the session is over for today. That will be a hundred dollars.
Everyone: Ahhh!
Jason: Trust me. This is going to work out fine.
Maggie: Well I still think it’s wrong to barge in on your mum and Wally like this.
Jason: Honey, they have a huge apartment. Besides they are family. What’s my mum going to
say, "Sorry son, it’s a bad time"?
Urma: Sorry son, but it’s a bad time.
Jason: Mum, you always said I’d have a home under your roof.
Wally: Well maybe, but it’s our roof now.
Urma: It’s just with all these people now...
Maggie: Urma, you mean you are having a party and you didn’t invite us?
Wally: Oh, this is a different kind of party. Ha ha.
Urma: Yes it isn’t anyone you know.
Wally: It isn’t even anyone we know. Ha ha ha.
Jason: You're entertaining people you don’t know?
Urma: Don’t pay any attention to Wally. Yes we do know them.
Jason: How?
Urma: Through the news letter.
Jason: I knew, I knew as soon as you married that bum he’d drag you down to his level. Doing
god knows what with total strangers. Oh god!
Wally: What have you got against the Jerry Vale fan club?
Ben: Hey, it’s really him.
Urma: Wally, why don’t you see if Jerry needs anything.
Wally: You got it.
Carol: Grandma, where are we supposed to go until Monday? We have no credit cards, no
cash..
Urma: Oh, I feel really bad about this.
Jason: Look mum, if we can’t stay here, maybe you could help me out with a little...Would you
kids wait in the hall please, for a second.
Ben: Why?
Carol: Ben, don’t you have nay sensitivity? He doesn’t want us to hear him begging his
mummy for money.
Urma: Jason, id be very happy to lend you some money.
Maggie: Thank you Urma.
Urma: Just talk to Wally. He handles all of that stuff.
Jason: Just talk to Wally! Come on mum, cant you do it?
Maggie and Grandma: Oh Jason, grow up!
Jason: Uh hu! Hey Wal.
Wally: You still here?
Jason: Look, I’m sorry about the bum thing.
Wally: Well if I weren’t married to your mother, id have thrown you out of that window.
Jason: You are going to find the irony of this pretty amusing. Ha ha ha.
Wally: We'll see.
Jason: You know with the whole thing with the credit cards caput, you would really help me
out if you could, you know,? You know what I’m saying?
Wally: I'd be happy to introduce you to Jerry.
Wally: No, no, no. It is too. It is Jerry Vale. No, that's not it. This is, its finacial Wally. You
know? You follow?
Wally: Yeah. But I want you to say it.
Jason: Come on Wally, this isn’t easy for me.
Wally: Look Jason, if you want to borrow money, all you have to do is ask me.
Jason: Forget it.
Maggie: Jason, what did he say?
Jason: He said no.
Jerry: excuse me. I could help over hearing that you needed some money. That's tough pal.
Kate: Mike, this is a wonderful meal.
