評(píng)論
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Last week I received an automatic reply from a man I had tried to contact saying he was “away from the office with limited access to email”. I ignored it.
不久前我收到了一封自動(dòng)回復(fù)的電子郵件，來(lái)自一個(gè)我曾試圖聯(lián)系過(guò)的人。信中稱，他“不在辦公室，不方便使用電子郵件”。我對(duì)此選擇了無(wú)視。
The same day Adam Parker, head of US equity research at Morgan Stanley, received a similar message, only he didn’t ignore it. He sent out a cri de coeur to all clients, explaining that it was his job to interpret the world for them and he was ruling that the “l(fā)imited access to email” excuse was baloney. There is virtually nowhere left on earth, he pointed out, unreachable by email. What the phrase actually means is: I’m feeling tired or lazy and think I’ve earned the right not to reply.
就在同一天，摩根士丹利(Morgan Stanley)的美國(guó)股票市場(chǎng)研究主管亞當(dāng)•帕克(Adam Parker)也收到了一封類似的郵件，只不過(guò)他沒(méi)有選擇無(wú)視。他向所有客戶發(fā)出了一封表示強(qiáng)烈抗議的郵件，信中說(shuō)，為客戶闡釋這個(gè)世界是他的工作，在他看來(lái)，“不方便使用電子郵件”的借口簡(jiǎn)直扯淡。他指出，在這個(gè)地球上，其實(shí)沒(méi)有什么地方是電子郵件到達(dá)不了的。“不方便使用電子郵件”的言下之意是：我累了或犯懶了，并認(rèn)為我已經(jīng)有權(quán)不回復(fù)郵件了。
Mr Parker is right – this excuse does not work any more. But he is wrong to be so disapproving about it. We all are sometimes tired or lazy or on holiday or otherwise disinclined to do something we have been asked to do. What we need are better excuses.
帕克是對(duì)的——這種借口已經(jīng)不再管用了。但他不應(yīng)該如此不滿。每個(gè)人都難免有時(shí)會(huì)因?yàn)槠＞搿⒒蚍笐校蛘诙燃伲蚱渌颍幌肴プ鏊艘笪覀冏龅氖隆Ｎ覀兯枰牟贿^(guò)是更好的借口。
The problem is that technology is steadily ruining all the old favourites. “The cheque’s in the post” doesn’t work now that no one writes cheques any more. “The dog ate my homework”, a little fragile at the best of times, works even less well now that so much homework is done online. “The boiler has exploded and I’m waiting for the plumber” is hopeless, since – provided the laptop didn’t also explode – you can work at home.
問(wèn)題在于，技術(shù)的進(jìn)步使得人們過(guò)去常用的各種借口都逐漸失效。“支票在郵局”這招已經(jīng)不管用了，因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)沒(méi)有人再使用支票。“我的作業(yè)被狗吃了”，這個(gè)借口在最容易取信的時(shí)候都有點(diǎn)不可信，而如今很多家庭作業(yè)都在網(wǎng)上完成，這個(gè)理由就更不管用了。“鍋爐爆炸了，我在等水管工來(lái)修”，這個(gè)借口簡(jiǎn)直無(wú)可救藥，因?yàn)橹灰愕墓P記本電腦沒(méi)有跟著爆炸，你完全可以在家工作。
Even the new excuses created by technology are starting to look threadbare. “Your email must have got caught in the spam filter” is a handy white lie that I have often used to get me out of scrapes, but as filters go on getting better its value is diminishing.
即便是技術(shù)創(chuàng)造出的新借口也開(kāi)始顯得老套。“你的郵件一定是被垃圾郵件過(guò)濾器攔截了”，這個(gè)方便的善意謊言是我常常用來(lái)為自己解圍的，但隨著垃圾郵件過(guò)濾器變得越來(lái)越精準(zhǔn)，這一招也越來(lái)越不靈了。
So which excuses do still work?
那么還有哪些借口仍然管用呢？
A trusty standby is to say you are too busy – which has the added bonus of making you look important. “Terribly sorry I didn’t reply, I’ve been snowed under”: I used to use this a lot, but am trying to wean myself off it. For a start, I’ve noticed really important people never send out messages saying they are snowed under. Moreover, practically everyone thinks they are busy (although, as I pointed out recently, none of us is as busy as we fancy ourselves to be). To plead busyness does not suggest you are important. It suggests you are inefficient.
一個(gè)可信的應(yīng)急辦法是說(shuō)自己太忙了——這還能帶來(lái)一項(xiàng)額外好處，就是讓自己顯得重要。“非常抱歉我之前沒(méi)能回復(fù)郵件，我忙暈了”：這個(gè)借口我以前經(jīng)常用，但我正試圖克制自己不再使用這一招。首先，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，真正重要的人物從來(lái)不會(huì)發(fā)郵件聲稱他們忙得昏天黑地。此外，幾乎每一個(gè)人都認(rèn)為自己很忙（雖然正如我最近指出的那樣，其實(shí)每個(gè)人都沒(méi)有自己想象的那么忙）。以忙為借口并不能凸顯你地位重要，反而顯得你效率低下。
A second way out is to invoke a prior engagement. This sometimes does the job, but can backfire. Too often I’ve said “I’m afraid I can’t make the 27th” – only for the other person to come back and say the event has been moved to the 29th. And then you are stuck with it.
另一個(gè)解圍辦法是聲稱自己之前已與人有約。有些時(shí)候這種方法可以奏效，但也可能適得其反。這樣的情況經(jīng)常發(fā)生：跟別人說(shuō)，“很抱歉27號(hào)我沒(méi)有空”，結(jié)果后來(lái)別人又回來(lái)告訴你活動(dòng)改到了29號(hào)。這下你就沒(méi)法推了。
Better is to claim to be in the middle of a family emergency. This excuse works particularly well for men, for whom kudos is to be gained by playing the family card occasionally. However, to claim an emergency when there isn’t one may seem even to the unsuperstitious like an invitation to providence to visit something truly calamitous on the entire family.
更好的辦法是，聲稱自己家里有急事。男性運(yùn)用這個(gè)借口的效果格外好，對(duì)于男性來(lái)說(shuō)，偶爾打家庭牌可以加分。但即便在不迷信的人看來(lái)，其實(shí)沒(méi)事卻聲稱有事，或許就好像是向天意發(fā)出的一份邀請(qǐng)，請(qǐng)求它向全家降下真正的災(zāi)禍。
The ultimate family emergency is, of course, death, and this is the most robust excuse of them all – timeless, final, and untouched by technology. But even this excuse is becoming a little less effective than it once was. A friend, poleaxed with grief after the death of her mother, has found after a couple of weeks that her get-out-of-jail-free card has stopped working so well. A return to normality is expected.
當(dāng)然，終極的家庭不測(cè)是死亡。這是最強(qiáng)有力的借口——不受時(shí)間限制，不受技術(shù)影響的終極武器。但即便是這個(gè)借口的效力相比以前也有所下降。一個(gè)朋友在她母親死后以悲痛為借口，無(wú)往不利；但幾周之后她發(fā)現(xiàn)，自己的免罪金牌變得不那么好用了。在旁人看來(lái)，過(guò)了這么久她應(yīng)該回歸正常狀態(tài)了。
The best excuse I have come across recently was made by a senior executive who cancelled an important meeting with a colleague, claiming that “a legal issue has come up”. The genius of this is that it sounds both very serious and very forbidding. Much as my colleague wanted to, he refrained from replying: Gosh, what sort of legal issue? A spot of fraud? Bankruptcy? Murder?
我最近見(jiàn)識(shí)到的最佳借口來(lái)自一名高管，他取消了和一個(gè)同事的重要會(huì)議，聲稱“出現(xiàn)了一個(gè)法律問(wèn)題”。這個(gè)借口的天才之處在于，它聽(tīng)起來(lái)既非常嚴(yán)肅，又令人不敢質(zhì)疑。我的同事很想回復(fù)說(shuō)，我的天啊，什么法律問(wèn)題？欺詐？破產(chǎn)？還是謀殺？但他最終還是克制住了自己，沒(méi)有這樣做。
In the absence of any legal issues of my own, I am increasingly seeking refuge in the truth. So when asked last week if I wanted to go on a news show broadcast live at 10.30pm, I didn’t pretend to be busy, I just said it was past my bedtime. When asked if I wanted to attend an awards evening, I explained that awards evenings didn’t bring out the best in me. Such bluntness is a three-way win: you don’t have to feel bad about telling a white lie; there is no comeback and you don’t get asked again.
由于我自己沒(méi)有遇到過(guò)任何法律問(wèn)題，我越來(lái)越傾向于用實(shí)話為自己解圍。因此，不久前被問(wèn)到是否愿意參加一個(gè)晚上10:30的新聞節(jié)目直播時(shí)，我沒(méi)有假裝太忙，我只是說(shuō)，那個(gè)點(diǎn)我已經(jīng)要睡覺(jué)了。在被問(wèn)到是否愿意出席一個(gè)頒獎(jiǎng)晚會(huì)時(shí)，我解釋道，我在頒獎(jiǎng)晚會(huì)這種場(chǎng)合通常發(fā)揮不佳。這種坦率能夠創(chuàng)造三贏的局面：你不必因?yàn)槿隽艘粋€(gè)善意的謊而心懷愧疚，別人無(wú)法反駁，你也不會(huì)被再次問(wèn)及。
The same approach works best for out-of-office replies. There is no need to claim limited access to email. Either you are the sort of person valued by the Morgan Stanley boss and work on holiday – in which case you don’t need an out-of-office email at all. Or you view holiday as holiday: in which case the best approach is to say “I’m away until X. I’ll read your message when I’m back” – thereby cunningly not committing to ever replying.
同樣的策略最適用于“不在辦公室”的回復(fù)郵件。沒(méi)有必要聲稱自己不方便使用電子郵件。如果你是那種受摩根士丹利老大重視、假期也工作的人，那么你根本不需要“不在辦公室”的回復(fù)郵件；抑或你是那種覺(jué)得假期就是假期的人，那么最好的辦法就是說(shuō)，“我在幾號(hào)之前都不在辦公室。我將在返回辦公室后閱讀您的郵件”——如此還巧妙地避免了承諾將回復(fù)郵件。
