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I don't know about most divorced ladies, but I saw my split with my husband coming -- by a few years. I'd brought it up a few times, and he kept talking me out of it, which was sort of a relief. But I knew I was just postponing the inevitable. So I came up with the list: My Plan B. Everything I needed to put in order before I could divorce my husband for real, this time.
我不知道其他有過離婚經(jīng)歷的女性是怎樣的，但我和我丈夫的分居經(jīng)過了好長時(shí)間的迂回。我向他提出來好多次分居要求，他也作出過讓我心軟的挽回。但是我心里面明白，這只是時(shí)間的問題，我和他之間的分開是無可避免的。所以，我給自己做了一個(gè)B計(jì)劃，因?yàn)槿绻x婚不可避免，我要我的生活重回正軌。
I'm so glad I made that list and followed through with it. I'm glad I didn't wallow in denial -- or in false hope. Some might say I doomed my marriage by giving up that hope and planning for the worst. But who's to say what the worst is? I say planning for a split is the most hopeful thing a woman can do.
我很慶幸我做出了這個(gè)計(jì)劃，而且按照計(jì)劃行事。我也很慶幸我沒有因?yàn)榛橐龅牟恍叶痛顺翜S，或是變得不切實(shí)際。一些人可能會說，我對我的婚姻主動放棄，還為之做出這種糟糕的計(jì)劃。但誰說這種計(jì)劃是糟糕的呢？相反，做出計(jì)劃對分居以后的女人來講是十分有幫助的事。
First on my list was to get a full-time job with health insurance. Before I'd just sort of pieced together a career with freelance this and that. But if I was going to be on my own, I'd need much more stability. No more swinging from vine to vine. Plus, I knew I'd need a reason to get dressed and leave my home every day. I knew working from home in my pajamas would not be conducive to my recovery.
計(jì)劃的第一條是：找一份全職工作，并給自己買健康保險(xiǎn)。之前的工作都是些零散的自由投稿人之類的工作做。然而現(xiàn)在我要靠我自己生存了，所以，我需要我的工作更加穩(wěn)定。不能消沉酗酒，我需要的是整齊著裝，做個(gè)職場女性，我知道，穿著睡衣在家工作很難讓自己振作起來。
But it wasn't enough for me to just get "a" job. Something about taking the bold step of admitting I was headed toward a divorce also emboldened me to stop monkeying around with my career and start working at something I actually wanted to do. As long as I was thinking about what I wanted my life to look like, it just made sense to apply that to my career.
當(dāng)然不僅僅是找一份工作是不夠的，有時(shí)候必須大膽的承認(rèn)自己面臨著離婚，必須鼓勵自己向著自己一直以來的寫作夢想前進(jìn)。只要我規(guī)劃我的事業(yè)和人生，我的事業(yè)就會通往成功。
And then I got a hold of my finances. I should have been doing this all along, but I created a spreadsheet tracking all my expenses. I wanted to find out if I could actually make it on my own. To my great relief, the math all worked out.
合理理財(cái)也是我的計(jì)劃之一。早就該這樣做了。我創(chuàng)建了一個(gè)電子表格，將我所有的開支全記錄在案，我想試一下自己理財(cái)?shù)哪芰Γ€好，結(jié)果表明我的數(shù)學(xué)頭腦是夠用的。
That's not everything from Plan B, but it's enough to show something interesting: Planning for the "worst" outcome actually improved my life before I even started to divorce my husband. Suddenly it was no longer about giving up -- it was about making smart choices and planning for the future. Even if I hadn't decided to divorce, I would have been moving ahead with a clearer vision of what I wanted my life to look like.
當(dāng)然生活里有很多事是B計(jì)劃里沒有的，但是這個(gè)離婚前的B計(jì)劃幫助我在最難得時(shí)候過得很好。驀然間，我覺得我這么做不是對生活的放棄，而是用最聰明的方式去迎接未來。盡管，離婚對于我來說是不可避免的不幸，我的離婚前B計(jì)劃卻在這個(gè)時(shí)候讓我更清晰的看到我想要的未來。
You never know what's going to happen next. It may not be divorce -- your husband could die suddenly. Anything could happen. Viewing your life through the lens of "what if" can be just the motivation and perspective shift you need to make changes that will make you happier regardless of what happens with your marriage.
你永遠(yuǎn)無法預(yù)測未來，人生是什么都有可能發(fā)生的，也許不是離婚然你們分離，也許天災(zāi)人禍讓你們陰陽兩相隔。為你的未來做幾個(gè)假設(shè)可以讓你改變觀點(diǎn)和視角。所以，請確保無論你的婚姻發(fā)生什么狀況，你都會活的快樂。
Have you ever made plans for what you'd do if you lost or divorced your spouse?
所以，女人們，你有計(jì)劃嗎？
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