1. College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
大學是你一生中最美好的時光。什么時候你的父母還會一年花幾千塊供你去一個陌生的地方天天晚上喝醉。

2. Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
大學當然是個有很多知識的地方：大一的帶進來一些，大四的帶不走多少，知識便積累起來了。

3. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
教授就是別人都睡了他還在講話的人。

4. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
只要有考試，學校里就會有禱告者。

5. The things taught in colleges are not an education, but the means to an education.
大學里學得不是知識，而是學習知識的方法。