March 20, 2009

"People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans." --Jay Leno
“有史以來第一次現任總統做訪深夜脫口秀節目，大家對這個事實都大驚小怪。其實我們這個脫口秀節目組以前曾試圖邀請過其他在任總統，但那時布什總統總是每晚九點就上床了。而克林頓總統在深夜似乎總是有其他的安排?！薄堋だ字Z

"You know, we own AIG, right? We own 80% of it. And because of all of the outrage over these bonuses, armed guards now have to be placed outside the AIG offices. You know what that means? Not only are we paying the AIG executive bonuses, we are now paying to protect the executives from us. Does that make any sense to anybody?" --Jay Leno
“你們知道，我們擁有AIG，對嗎？我們擁有AIG百分之八十的股份。然而由于對那些獎金引起的公憤，現在必須在AIG辦公樓外設置武裝警衛。你知道這意味著什么嗎？我們不僅要給AIG高管們的獎金買單，我們現在還要為保護他們免遭我們攻擊的安全費用買單。有人覺得這有任何意義嗎？”-杰·雷諾

"Today is the first day of spring. Yeah, or, as Al Gore calls it, global warming." --Jay Leno
“今天是春季的第一天。是的，或者，用前副總統戈爾的話來說，全球變暖?！?杰·雷諾

"We spilled 25,000 barrels of oil into the Strait of Hormuz, by Iraq. And a U.S. Navy server ship collided with a submarine. Who else, but us, could invade the Middle East and lose oil? It's like robbing a bank and leaving your wallet." --Bill Maher
“我們在伊拉克那邊的霍爾木茲海峽泄漏了25000桶石油。而且一艘美國海軍服務船和一艘美國潛艇相撞。除了我們還有誰，可以入侵中東而又失去石油？這就像是你去搶劫一家銀行，卻落下了你自己的錢包?！薄葼枴ゑR赫

"There's a new bin Laden tape where he calls for the destruction of Somalia. That's right. Forget destroying America, that job is done." --Bill Maher
“有一段新的本·拉丹錄像，在錄像里他號召摧毀索馬里。沒錯。忘掉他那個摧毀美國的號召吧，那項任務已經完成了?！薄葼枴ゑR赫

"You saw what happened in San Diego yesterday? There were these two drug dealers the cops were chasing on the freeway, and they started to throw all the money out the window. The cops were not suspicious -- they thought it was Obama's motorcade." --Bill Maher
“昨天你目睹了圣地亞哥發生的事情嗎？在高速公路上，有這兩名毒販遭到了警方的追逐，然后他們向車窗外撒出所有的錢。正在追逐的警察對此(錢從車子撒出來的行徑)并沒有起疑——他們認為他們追隨的正是奧巴馬的車隊?！薄葼枴ゑR赫

"The president was in town this week. He spoke at the L.A. County fairgrounds. I tell you, he's still got it. People were sleeping outside all night. They were homeless, but that's not the point. They love him." --Bill Maher
“總統本周正在本市。他在洛杉磯縣露天市場發表演講。我告訴你，他還是很受歡迎的。人們露宿街頭。他們無家可歸，但這不重要。重要的是—他們熱愛他。”——比爾·馬赫