45 seconds. One billion viewers. Oscar winners are given one of the largest platforms in the world for public speech. Here are some tips for how to write good acceptance speech.

The Napkin(1) Speech
A repugnant(2) form of false modesty somehow the winners always end up pulling out some chicken scratch speech written on a lottery ticket or coaster(3). "Forgive me," one 2006 winner said, "I wrote this on my valet parking ticket(4)." I, for one, won't forgive you or anyone else who fumbles(5) for a piece of scrap paper and then mumbles incoherently(6) until the orchestra(7) starts playing. Where's your sense of show?

Thanking Your Agent
If you don't thank everyone at CAA you might as well take that shovel from the hands of the golden statue and start digging your own grave. Or at least that's the common thought. Nowadays, people just rattle off(8) a bunch of studio heads. I say if you're going to give us a laundry list of names, at least out your 4th grade English teacher along the way, as Tom Hanks once did.

When to pull out the tears
This is a tough one. Tears can be moving or just plain distracting. It's all in the timing, so never cry before reaching the podium(9). Sniffling(10) is acceptable, and wiping tears is downright(11) encouraged, but if one of the presenters has to help you off stage, then your performance has gone too far. Also, and this is important, the supporting actor or actress should never cry. They're receiving an Oscar for being supportive, not for being a blubbery mess.

Be Yourself, Even if That Self is Shallow
When Cher won an Oscar for her role in "Moonstruck," she received a lot of flack(12) for showering her makeup artist, hairdresser, and assistant with thanks, while failing to mention her co-stars or director. While this may have been politically incorrect, at least she said what was on her mind, which is something that has been absent from Oscar speeches of recent memory.

Never Underestimate the Appeal of Your Mother
Thanking your mom is a must. It's the only person to thank really. And talking about the sacrifices she made is even better. If she's in the audience, have her stand up. If this seems excessive, keep in mind that David Letterman has made a living off of exploiting his innocent mother on air.

Phrases to avoid

"Wow, this thing is heavy." Talk about the world's smallest violin. You just won an academy award, and the first thing you do is complain about how difficult it is to hold?

"The list is too long." How many people want to be one in a long list of many? You might as well just thank "the little people."

"The gold boy" This just sounds wrong. Isn't the nickname Oscar cute enough?

"The man with the stick" This impolite term for conductor was coined by Julia Roberts.

45秒，一百萬觀眾。奧斯卡獲獎者能夠登上世界上最宏大的演講臺。這里有一些寫好獲獎感言的建議。

破紙片感言
有些獲獎者總是錯誤地表現自己的謙虛，當眾拿出一張獎券或者杯子墊，上面寫著蛛蛛爬般的感言。2006年一位獲獎者說：“不好意思，我寫在汽車罰款單上了。” 我不會原諒他或者任何獲獎者摸索出一張破紙，支支吾吾地哼唧到音樂響起。您有沒有點表演感？

感謝你的公司
如果你不感謝每位CAA人員，就如同接過小金人手中的鏟子自掘墳墓。這是常識。如今，人們只是快速地背誦一連串工作室老板的名字。要我說，如果你真的要給出一籮筐人名，至少要參考Tom Hanks的感言，也說說四年級的英語老師。

何時揮淚
這點很難掌握。揮好了是感動，揮不好就只能讓觀眾覺得迷惑。關鍵是何時揮，千萬不要還沒上臺淚先灑。抽泣不錯，能流出眼淚就更好了，但如果哭到需要人攙扶才能下臺就過火了。還有一點也很重要，獲獎配角不要哭。配角因為搭配優秀而獲獎，而不是因為哭得一團糟。

本色發言，即便本色很膚淺
Cher憑借電影《Moonstruck》獲獎發表感言后聲名遠揚，因為她感謝了化妝師，發型師和助理卻沒提合作明星和導演。雖然她犯了政策性錯誤，但至少說了真心話，這在近年的奧斯卡頒獎感言中很少見了。

永遠不要忽視媽媽
感謝母親是必須的，因為這是唯一一個真正應該感謝的。如果能說說她為你所作的犧牲就更好了。如果她在場，讓她起身示意。如果你覺得這有些多余，看看David Letterman，他無辜的媽媽總被他拉上節目。

需要避免的語言

“喔，這東西真沉。”你在說世界上最小的小提琴么？你剛剛贏得一項奧斯卡大獎，要做的第一件事情就是抱怨拿著它有多困難？

“名單真長啊。” 你知道有多少人想成為長名單中的一員么？不如你只感謝“小人”一個算了。

“金男孩”。這聽上去可不怎么樣。難道Oscar這個昵稱還不夠可愛么？

“拿棍兒的人”。這個對樂隊指揮的戲稱是Julia Roberts的專利。