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Caffeine with Cassie
和凱西喝咖啡
Time to get shot of the scourge of the coffee meeting.
是時候甩掉咖啡會議這個禍害了。
If people used the time they currently devote to reading books about productivity hacks to do some actual work, their productivity problem would be solved.
人們會閱讀教你快速提高效率的書籍，如果他們把花在這上面的時間用來做一些實際工作，那么他們的效率問題就迎刃而解了。
But occasionally these books contain nuggets of wisdom.
不過，這些書中偶爾也有一些至理名言。
In “Time Wise”, Amantha Imber has a short chapter whose title alone gleams with good sense.
在阿曼莎·英伯的《時間智慧》一書中，有一個短小章節，其標題就閃耀著智慧的光芒。
It is called “Why you need to say ‘no’ to coffee meetings”.
標題就是“為什么你需要對咖啡會議說‘不’”。
That is splendid advice for anyone who can identify with the following situation.
對于任何能對下述情景感同身受的人而言，這都是一條極好的建議。
An email arrives from someone you do not know, asking to meet for coffee.
你不認識的人發來一封電子郵件，請你見面喝杯咖啡。
Such requests arrive fairly often.
這樣的請求相當頻繁地出現。
It might be someone starting out on their career who wants guidance on how to progress in your field.
可能是那些職業生涯剛起步的人，想請教你怎樣在你所在的領域取得進步。
It might be a freelancer hunting for work.
可能是自由職業者在尋找工作。
In this instance the sender, who is called Cassie and got your name from a colleague whom you vaguely know, thinks there may be a way for your two companies to work together.
這一次，發送郵件的人名叫凱西，她從你不太熟的一位同事那里得知了你的名字，認為你們兩家公司可能有合作機會。
You don’t really want to meet Cassie.
你并不真的想見見凱西。
On the other hand, saying that you don’t want to meet someone, ever, feels a little rude.
但另一方面，直說你根本不想見某個人感覺很不禮貌。
The meeting is weeks away, and the diary looks clear.
距離見面時間還有幾周，日程表也還有空檔。
You do drink coffee.
你也確實喝咖啡。
She might be a useful contact if you want to move jobs.
如果你想跳槽，她可能在連線搭橋方面會有用處。
And you have heard of her company: it is just possible something useful might come of a discussion.
你也聽說過她的公司：和她聊一聊可能會給你某些有用的東西。
You ignore instinct and say “yes”.
你無視自己的直覺，回答“好的”。
The morning of the meeting arrives and you see “Coffee with Cassie” in your calendar.
約定見面的那天到了，早上你看到日歷上寫著“和凱西喝咖啡”。
Who the hell is Cassie?
見鬼，凱西是誰？
You find the email chain, curse yourself for agreeing to meet and wonder briefly about cancelling.
你找到了電子郵件，然后罵自己竟然同意見面，取消見面的想法迅速閃過。
Just then an email arrives from Cassie saying how much she is looking forward to coffee.
就在這時，凱西發來一封電子郵件，說她多么期待和你喝咖啡。
Bollocks.
胡扯。
You confirm the time and place, but say you only have time for half an hour.
你確認了時間和地點，但又說你只有半個小時的時間。
You arrive at the coffee shop, and remember you have no idea what Cassie looks like.
你來到咖啡店，才想起來你根本不知道凱西長什么樣子。
You introduce yourself to several other people, who are plainly all waiting for similarly aimless meetings,
你向其他幾個人介紹了自己，他們顯然都在等待進行類似的漫無目的的會議，
until you receive an apologetic text from Cassie to say that she is running late and will be there in five minutes.
直到你收到凱西充滿歉意的短信，說她遲到了，五分鐘后就到。
The one thing you are determined to get out of this coffee meeting is a coffee, so you order for yourself and find a table.
在這次咖啡會議中，你下定決心要實現的唯一一件事就是喝咖啡，所以你給自己點了杯咖啡，然后找了張桌子坐下。
In a victory of hope over experience you have brought a notepad: you write the date and Cassie’s name and company at the top.
懷著不切實際的希望，你帶來了記事本：你在頁眉處寫下日期、凱西的名字和公司的名字。
You text Cassie to say that you are sitting by the man in the pink sweater, who leaves almost immediately.
你給凱西發短信說，你坐在穿粉色毛衣的男人旁邊，但剛發完那個男人就走了。
Ten minutes later you see someone who is scanning the room at sweater height.
十分鐘后，你看到一個人的眼睛正掃視著室內人們的毛衣。
You mouth each other’s names like guppies in an aquarium.
你們就像魚缸里的孔雀魚一樣，嘴巴一張一閉，默念著對方的名字。
It’s Cassie.
是凱西來了。
She goes to get her own coffee, which takes another five minutes.
她去給自己點咖啡，又花了五分鐘。
The coffee meeting is halfway done and there has yet to be a meeting.
咖啡會議已經過去了一半，但還沒開始開會。
Cassie sits down.
凱西坐了下來。
Ritual demands an exchange of platitudes.
按社交禮節的要求，你們又寒暄了一番。
You swap information that will be of no use to anyone ever:
你們交換了對任何人都沒有用處的信息：
how late in the day you can drink coffee before it disrupts your sleep, how many days a week you now spend in the office, how she knows your colleague.
一天中你最晚什么時候可以喝咖啡，不然就會影響睡眠；你現在每周有幾天會來辦公室；她是怎么認識你同事的。
Then you confirm things that were already known to both of you (what roles you are in) and add unnecessary detail (how long you have been in your job).
然后，你們又確認了一些彼此都已經知道的事情(你是什么職務)，并添加了不必要的細節(你干這份工作有多長時間了)。
There is now about ten minutes left on the clock.
現在大約還剩十分鐘的時間。
You prompt Cassie to say a bit more about those opportunities she raised back when this seemed like a good idea.
你提示凱西多聊聊她之前提出的那些合作機會，那時候這個咖啡會議看起來還是個好主意。
She says something about a data set that you might be interested in.
她聊起了一個數據集，說你可能會感興趣。
You say something about analytics, just because it makes you seem mildly innovative.
你聊了一些數據分析的東西，只是因為這會讓你看起來稍微有點創新性。
She volleys back a reference to AI.
她忽然又提到了人工智能。
You suspect that neither of you really knows what is going on.
你懷疑你們兩個都不知道這會是在開什么。
You are aware that the notepad in front of you is still damningly blank,
你發現面前的記事本上仍然是一片慘白，
so you write down “data analytics” and “AI” just to signal that this could be leading somewhere.
于是你寫下“數據分析”和“人工智能”，只是為了表明這或許能帶來什么結果。
Your coffee is drained and the 30 minutes have passed.
你的咖啡喝完了，30分鐘已經過去了。
You say you have to go.
你說你得走了。
While you wait—and wait—to pay, you share a bit more useless information for good measure: where you are both going next, how long Cassie is in town for.
在你等著結賬的時候，你們又分享了一些無用的信息：你們兩人接下來要去哪里，凱西要在城里待多久。
You can almost feel your neurons deciding that there are no memories here that are worth forming.
你幾乎可以感覺到你的神經元在說，這里沒有值得形成的記憶。
You both agree that it has been really good to meet, even though it hasn’t, and that you will be in touch, even though you won’t.
你倆都說這次見面很愉快，其實并不是，而且你們會保持聯系，其實并不會。
Not every meeting request is a dud.
并不是每個會議請求都是浪費時間。
Giving advice to youngsters, say, is usually the right thing to do (though the types of youngsters who ask for advice are not usually the ones who need help).
比如，給年輕人提建議通常是應該做的(盡管尋求建議的年輕人通常不是需要幫助的人)。
The problem is the coffee.
問題出在咖啡上。
Ms Imber’s recommendation is to forgo the caffeine and schedule a call during a period of dead time such as a commute.
英伯的建議是放棄喝咖啡，在沒辦法做其他事情的時候安排一通電話，比如通勤的時候。
The time may be used fruitfully; if it is not, it will not feel as wasted.
這樣時間可能會被有效利用，如果沒有什么成果，也不會覺得時間被浪費了。
In the matter of coffee and meetings, the blend is the problem.
至于咖啡和會議，把二者攪在一起就是問題所在。
