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Correct Male Responses
男人正確的回答
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly.
這些問題之所以說它們不好是因為每一個問題如果男人回答得不正確都會導致一場吵架甚至是離婚。
Question 1: "Do you love me?"
問題一：“你愛我嗎？”
The correct answer to the question is, "Yes." or if you want to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:
正確的回答是：“愛。”如果你還想多說些，也可以說：“是的，親愛的，我愛你。”錯誤的回答包括以下幾種：
A. I suppose so.
A. 我想是的。
B. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
B. 我說是你是不是會感覺好些？
C. That depends on what you mean by "love."
C. 那得看你說的“愛”是什么意思。
D. Does it matter?
D. 這很重要嗎？
E. Who, me?
E. 誰，問我嗎？
Question 2: "Do I look fat?"
問題二：“我看起來胖嗎？”
The correct male response to this question is to confidentl and emphatically state, "No, of course not!" and then quickly leave the room. Incorrect answers include:
正確的回答方式是確定無疑地說：“不，你一點兒也不胖！”然后迅速離開房間。錯誤的回答包括以下幾種：
A. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A. 你這不叫胖，可也確實不太瘦。
B. Compared to what?
B. 和誰比？
C. A little extra weight looks good on you.
C. 你胖點兒好看。
D. I've seen fatter.
D. 我看是胖了些。
E. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about your insurance policy.
E. 你再說一遍好嗎？我剛剛在想你的保險條款。
Question 3: "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
問題三：“你覺得她長得比我好看嗎？”
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." or simply "Of course not!" Wrong answers include:
這個問題中的“她”可能是你的前任女友或是你盯著看的一個過路人或是你們正在看的電影里的女演員。不管是誰，正確的回答是：“不，你要漂亮得多。”或者“當然沒你漂亮！”錯誤的回答包括以下幾種：
A. Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
A. 并不比你漂亮，只是不同種類的漂亮。
B. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
B. 不比你漂亮，只是更苗條些。
C. Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
C. 是的，但是我相信你的性格比她好。
D. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
D. 你在她這個年齡時你一定比她漂亮。
Question 4: "What would you do if I died?"
問題四：“我死了以后你會怎么辦？”
A definite no-win question. No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions. This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid exchange:
這絕對是個沒法回答的問題。不管你怎么回答，都要準備好回答至少一小時的后續問題。這是最愚蠢的問題，正如下面的對話展現的：
Woman: Dear, what would you do if I died?
女人：親愛的，我死了以后你會怎么辦？
Man: Why, dear, I would be extremely upset. Why do you ask such a question?
男人：親愛的，我會非常傷心。你怎么會問這樣的問題？
Woman: Would you get married again?
女人：你會再結婚嗎？
Man: No, of course not, dear.
男人：當然不會，親愛的。
Woman: Don't you like being married?
女人：你不喜歡婚姻嗎？
Man: Of course I do, dear.
男人：當然不是，親愛的。
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
女人：那你為什么不想再結婚？
Man: Alright, I'd remarry.
男人：好吧，我會再婚。
Woman: You would? (looking vaguely hurt)
女人：你會？（看上去有些傷心）
Man: Yes.
男人：是的。
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
女人：你會和她睡在我們的床上嗎？
Man: Well yes, I suppose I would. Where else would we sleep?
男人：是的，我想會的，不然我們睡哪兒？
Woman: And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her? (icily)
女人：那么你會把我的照片都取下來換成她的嗎？（冷冷地）
Man: Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do.
男人：是的，我想應該這樣吧。
Woman: Is that so? (leaping to her feet) And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too.
女人：是嗎？（在跳腳兒了）我想你還會讓她用我的高爾夫球桿吧。
Man: Of course not, dear. She's left-handed...
男人：當然不，親愛的，她是左撇子……
Question 5: What are you thinking about?
問題五：“你在想什么？”
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." Wrong answers include:
正確的回答當然是：“親愛的，如果我顯得心事重重，我只是在想你是一個熱情、完美、細致而聰明的女人，我能和你在一起實在是很幸運。”錯誤的回答包括以下幾種：
A. Baseball.
A. 棒球。
B. Football.
B. 足球。
C. How fat you are.
C. 你太胖了。
D. How much prettier she is than you.
D. 她比你漂亮多少。
E. How I would spend the insurance moeny if you died.
E. 你死了以后我怎么花那筆保險費。
