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Rules to Give to Your Boss
給你老板的規定
Rules for Work (Should go over well with your boss.)
工作條例（應得到老板的贊許）
Print it out and hang it over your workstation...
把它打印出來張貼在辦公室里。
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
1. 不要在早上給我布置工作。要等到下午4點鐘再說，挑戰最后期限的工作才有意思。
2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
2. 如果這是一份緊急工作，就每10分鐘跑進來打斷我問一下進展。這很有幫助的。或者可以更甚，就在我身后轉悠，我每干點兒什么就提點兒建議。
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
3. 你要出去時，不要告訴任何人。這樣，有人問起你時，我的回答就可以很有創意。
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
4. 如果我手上抱滿了紙張、盒子、書本或是辦公用品，不要幫我開門。我該學學像殘疾人一樣生活。不用手開門就是很好的訓練，這樣，萬一我受傷失去手臂就沒問題了。
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
5. 如果你一次交代給我幾件事做，不要告訴我哪件更重要，我有心靈感應。
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
6. 盡你所能讓我加班吧。我熱愛這間公司，而且我真的沒地方可去也沒事可做。工作就是我生活的全部。
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
7. 如果我的工作做得讓你滿意，不要說出來。如果說出來，就意味著要提升我了。
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
8. 如果我的工作做得讓你不滿意，就說出來吧。我喜歡同事們談論我，我生來就是挨批的。
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
9. 如果你對某項工作有特別的指示，不要寫給我。就留到工作快要做完時再對我說吧。沒必要用些有用的信息來困惑我。
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
10. 不要把我介紹給和你在一起的人，我沒有權利知道任何事情。在公司組織中，我處于最底層。今后，你再提到他們時，我自然會敏銳地推導出誰是誰。
11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
11. 把你遇到的小問題都告訴我。知道有人不那么幸運的感覺很好。我尤其喜歡聽那段，就是關于你這個成功的經理要為你拿到的大筆紅利繳納高額稅費。
12. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
12. 到我該做年終總結時再告訴我本年度的目標是什么。給我一個不好不壞的評定，還有提高一點兒生活費用，畢竟我在這兒工作不是為了賺錢的。
