我們先來看一道題目：

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: For future success, relating well to others is more important than studying hard at school.

某學員的觀點為Studying hard is more important for future success，并完成了以下的段落：

[Topic Sentence]First of all, studying hard at school can lay a good foundation. [Explanation] Medicine and law are both need long time to study’s subject. People should learn at least three years to have a basic recognition. [Example]For example, one day a man goes to the hospital. And the doctor who is curing the man says that I may not bring you a healthy body because I can get this job result from my friend. Actually I am not good at it. So I have a question is if you meet a doctor just like this, what would you do? And what would you think about it? This type of people cannot be allowed to appear in the society. It is an opposite instance.

雖然此段的結構很清晰，但是在內容層面，還是有很多常見的托福寫作錯誤發生：

1. 解釋與主題句邏輯聯系不緊密。解釋的精髓在于將主題句的抽象概念進行第一層次的具體化，并起到把主題與例子聯系起來的橋梁作用。但是，以上文段當中問題比較明顯。首先，主題句中的要點在于hard，而解釋的部分卻表達了long time. 時間長跟努不努力沒有關系。

Problematic: Medicine and law are both need long time to study’s subject. People should learn at least three years to have a basic recognition.

Revised: The success of many elites in different fields[埋下伏筆，為例子做鋪墊] is the result of unrelenting efforts[同義改寫，呼應主題句] in their school days.

2. 例證欠缺說服力差。例子需要圍繞主題句和解釋部分的邏輯展開，比如這道題，最核心的邏輯鏈條便是由studying hard帶來的success。作者想用一個反例來說明如果不好好學習，能力不夠是沒法在社會上生存的。但是在表達方式上過于口語化，而且語言質量不高。

Problematic: For example, one day a man goes to the hospital. And the doctor who is curing the man says that I may not bring you a healthy body because I can get this job result from my friend. Actually I am not good at it. So I have a question is if you meet a doctor just like this, what would you do? And what would you think about it? This type of people cannot be allowed to appear in the society. It is an opposite instance.

Revised: Doctors serve as an excellent example. [正例]In order to become successful doctors, medical students must read thousands of professional books and papers at school, take numerous tests and spend long hours in the laboratory. No one can deny that hard work at school greatly contributes to their reputation and expertise. Patients will be more comfortable receiving medical treatment from these doctors. [反例]Conversely, no one is willing to see a doctor who is poor in academics but good at establishing social connections.

段落開頭的格式

英文段落開頭的格式分為兩種，縮進式和齊頭式。

縮進式：英文段落開頭的縮進式與現代漢語的段落開頭很相似。在段落開頭第一個單詞之前空出4至8個字符。采用這種方式的托福寫作備考，段落與段落之間不用空行。