Still in Books and Arts; Joan Didion memoir;Kind of blue;
Blue Nights. By Joan Didion.
Few memoirs are worth reading. When they are not tawdry opportunities to air grievances, settle scores or rationalise errors, they tend to be tales of adversity with a triumphant twist. This is what makes Joan Didion unique. Her non-fiction has always considered grand matters from a personal perspective, without making herself the centre of the story. Even when she writes about the hard drama of her own life, such as the sudden death of her husband followed by the death of her only daughter, her stories manage to be larger than her own grief.
This is how a memoir like “The Year of Magical Thinking” (2005) became a bestseller. In writing about the year that followed the fatal heart attack of John Gregory Dunne, her husband of nearly 40 years, Ms Didion used her experience to reflect on the fundamental absurdity of death. She movingly considered the way time makes the ordinary gifts of life extraordinary. The unmentioned horror of the book—an event that took place after she had finished writing but before it was published—was that her daughter Quintana Roo was dead, too, undone by a series of health problems that ended with acute pancreatitis at the age of 39.
這就是為什么像《奇幻思維之年》(2005)這樣的回憶錄熱銷的原因吧。寫到她不滿40歲的丈夫,約翰·格雷戈里·鄧恩嚴重心臟病發作之后的日子,瓊·迪丹用自己親身經歷去反思了死亡最本質的荒謬,并令人感動地思考著如何用時間讓平凡的生命不再平凡。這本書還有件未曾提及的慘事——這件事就發生在書已成稿而并未出版之時——是瓊·迪丹的女兒昆塔斯終于不用再遭受嚴重胰臟炎的折磨了,去世時僅39歲。
With “Blue Nights”, her first book since the earlier memoir, Ms Didion conveys the loneliness of living on without her child or husband, and the indignities of ageing. For decades her life had been charmed, even more so than she had realised. But in a matter of months in 2003 everything turned unspeakably grim. “It is horrible to see oneself die without children,” she quotes Napoleon as saying. This is a difficult book, but not a sentimental one. Ms Didion has a remarkable ability to consider her own feelings without letting her prose turn soggy with emotion.
而用《憂郁的夜》,這本她早期回憶錄之后的頭一本書,瓊·迪丹表達了失去丈夫和女兒后生活的孤獨和衰老帶給她的侮辱。幾十年來她的生活如同被施了魔法一般,更奇妙的是她自己沒有意識到這一點。2003年的幾個月中,一切變得無法形容的可怖。引用拿破侖的名言,她說道:“眼睜睜地看著自己無兒無女地死去是如此可怕。”這是一本關于困難的書,但卻不是關于脆弱的。瓊·迪丹有一種非凡的能力,將沉悶的情緒排除在自己的散文之外,不帶感情地思考。
“Today would be her wedding anniversary,” she writes at the beginning, and then evokes the scene of her daughter's summer wedding in Manhattan in 2003.There were cucumber and watercress sandwiches, and a peach-coloured cake from Payard. Quintana wore stephanotis in her hair. Ms Didion returns to these details in later chapters—the stephanotis, the cake—using this repetition to illustrate the way she is haunted by memories. After a lifetime of travel and dynamism, she now appears anchored in New York by the detritus of life. Her drawers and cupboards are filled with mementoes (her husband's raincoats, her daughter's baby teeth) which serve “only to make clear how inadequately I appreciated the moment when it was here.”
“今天是她的結婚周年紀念日,”瓊·迪丹在開頭寫到,喚起了2003年夏季女兒在曼哈頓島婚禮上的場景。宴會上有黃瓜和水田芥三明治,從Payard送來的粉色蛋糕,昆塔斯在頭發上別著千金子藤。瓊·迪丹在之后的章節——千金子藤,蛋糕——里回味著這些細節,用這些反復的回味闡述了她是如何被回憶縈繞的。終其一生的漂泊與動蕩之后,生命的碎片似乎把她錨定在了紐約。塞滿抽屜和櫥柜的紀念品(丈夫的雨衣,女兒的嬰兒牙)“只是為了讓我弄明白,這些東西在時我對它們的欣賞是多么地不合適。”
The appeal of Ms Didion has long been her insight mixed with something glamorous; she is both of this world and a world apart. Memories here are cluttered with brand names (Chanel, Corvette, the Ritz) and glittering friends (Natasha Richardson, Patti Smith). The effect can be distracting, but Ms Didion sometimes uses these details to worry over the oddity of Quintana's life (her adopted daughter often struggled with depression), and also to marvel at her own naivety. “I do not know many people who think they have succeeded as parents,” she writes. In regarding herself as a mother, her remorse festers unchecked.
瓊·迪丹的感染力在于長久以來她能將自己的洞察力與這些極富魅力的東西很好地調和在一起。她既能溶于世界,又能與世界分離開來。這些記憶與名牌(香奈兒、克爾維特、萬豪)和那些顯赫朋友的名字(娜塔莎·簡·理查德森,派提·史密斯)交織在一起。這樣做能起到轉移痛苦的效果,而瓊·迪丹有時也因為這些細節苦惱女兒昆塔斯生活的不幸(她的養女常常與憂郁抗爭),也會驚訝自己天真的本性。“我認為很多人并不認為自己做父母很成功,”她寫到。做為母親而言,她的懊悔帶來的痛苦從未制止。
Now 75, Ms Didion's gaze is turned backwards. Her recollections meander and loop back, interrupted only by distressing questions that no one is left to answer (“Did I get this all wrong?”). Often these questions consider the choices she made as a mother (“Was I always the problem?”) and her own increasing frailty (“What if I can never again locate the words that work?”). With “Blue Nights”, named for the intense and portentous beauty of the dying light on a summer day, Ms Didion has translated the sad hum of her thoughts into a profound meditation on mortality. The result aches with a wisdom that feels dreadfully earned.
已經75歲了,瓊·迪丹的注意力也渙散了。她的回憶緩慢而又反反復復,只有在那些無法讓人回答的悲情問題(“我所做的這一切都是錯的嗎/我得到的這些全都是錯誤嗎?”)時才被打斷。這些問題經常是思考做為一個母親她的選擇(“總是我有問題?”),和她自己越來越多的弱點(“如果我再也找不到那些能用的詞語會怎樣?”)。借著《憂郁的夜》,這部以某個夏日里生命之光暗淡時的那種緊張而又不吉之美命名的書,瓊·迪丹將自己思維里悲傷的呻吟譯成了對死亡深厚的沉思。所產生的結果是與這位悲傷的智者一起傷痛。