A more subtle approach is for the couple to explain a bit about their financial goals and why they are forgoing fine china and linens. While the message should say any gift would be appreciated, it can also use the phrase, 'What we could really use help with is . . .' says Anna Post, spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, a promoter of etiquette and civility that's based in Burlington, Vt.

Be Specific -- and Organized

Telling guests what the money is for can encourage more giving. Many people are more comfortable handing over cash when they know how it will be spent, and when it's clearly something that requires pooled funds.

Scores of banks offer bridal savings accounts, which collect contributions toward dream homes -- or other dreams. Some banks restrict the use of funds to down payments on a house as a way to bring in business to their mortgage arms. But institutions as wide-ranging as SunTrust Banks Inc., Bank of Utah, Community Financial Services Bank in Kentucky and Mercantile Bank in Illinois, Indiana and Missouri place no restrictions on how the funds can be used.Most charge no fees.

Another option: At least 19 credit unions currently offer accounts for accepting cash wedding gifts, according to the Filene Research Institute, a Madison, Wis.-based researcher of consumer-finance issues and the credit-union industry. These institutions market their service as MatriMoney, a name licensed by North Island Credit Union in San Diego. The credit-union accounts typically offer an annual interest rate and have no fees.

There are Web sites that offer similar services, but these often charge transaction or registration fees, pay no interest and lack FDIC guarantees.

Be Realistic

Most couples that request cash don't receive enough for a full down payment on a house. No one should start signing mortgage papers until they know how much they have to work with.

Nor should the hosts throw a $150,000 wedding and then claim they don't have money for a new car. Nobody will buy it.

Be Grateful

Newlyweds can make their gift-givers feel more appreciated if they include in their thank-you cards a fun picture of themselves enjoying the end result -- perhaps sliding down the new banister in their new home.