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I stood still and took a deep breath. Now was the time, when we were soaked and safe and confronted with radiance. Now something had to be said.
我靜靜地站著，深深地吸了口氣，現(xiàn)在是我們飲酒慶祝安全并且面對光明的時候了。現(xiàn)在得說點什么了。
There's something I didn't mention to you.
“有些事我沒跟你提起過。”
His voice surprised me, like the sun. But in the opposite way. It had a weight to it, a warning—determination edged with apology.
他的聲音讓我有些驚訝，就像太陽的出現(xiàn)。相反，他的聲音有些沉重——帶有一種警告以及道歉的決心。
About our youngest boy, he said. "Our youngest boy was killed last summer."
“是關(guān)于我們最小的兒子，”他說，“我們的小兒子在去年夏天夭折了。”
Oh.
哦。
He was run over, he said. "I was the one who ran over him. Backing out of our driveway."
“他是被車軋死的，”他說，“我就是那個開車軋死他的人。從汽車道里把車倒出去。”
I stopped again. He stopped with me. Both of us stared ahead.
我又停了下來。他同我一起停下來。我們兩個都凝視著前方。
His name was Brian. He was three. The thing was, I thought he was upstairs in bed. The others were still up, but he'd been put to bed. Then he'd got up again. I should have looked, though. I should have looked more carefully.
“他的名字叫布萊恩，3歲。事實上，我當時以為他還在樓上睡覺。其他人都還沒睡。但他是被抱上床的，后來他又起來了。可我當時本該看一看的。我本應(yīng)更小心點。”
I thought of the moment when he got out of the car. The noise he must have made. The moment when the child's mother came running out of the house.
我想象著他從車里出來時一定發(fā)出的哀號，當孩子母親從房子里跑出來的那一刻。
He started walking again, entering the parkig lot. I walked a little behind him. And I did not say anything—not one kind, common, helpless word. We had passed right by that.
他又開始走，進了停車場。我在他后面跟著，沒有說一句話——沒有一個溫和、普通、絕望的字眼。此時我們心心相通。
He didn't say, It was my fault and I'll never get over it. I'll never forgive myself. But I do as well as I can. Or, My wife forgives me, but she'll never get over it, either.
他沒有說，是我的錯，我永遠不會從那件事中恢復過來。我決不會原諒自己。但我已經(jīng)盡我所能。他也沒有說，我的妻子原諒了我，但她永遠不會從那件事中恢復過來。
I knew all that. I knew now that he was a person who had hit rock bottom. A person who knew—as I did not know, did not come near knowing—exactly what rock bottom was. He and his wife knew that together and it bound them, as something like that would either break you apart or bind you, for life. Not that they would live at rock bottom. But they would share a knowledge of it—that cool, empty, locked and central space.
我知道了所有的一切。我現(xiàn)在知道，他是世上最不幸的人。一個知道了——而我卻不知道，也不會了解——不幸之所在的人。他和妻子共同體驗了這一切，這把他們綁在了一起，就像有些事在生活中要么把你們拆散，要么使你們終生在一起。并不是他們共同經(jīng)歷著不幸，而是他們對此有著共同的感受——那種凄涼、失落、封閉的中心世界。
