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And for all those years, we never talked about the disaster at the recital or my terrible accusations afterward at the piano bench. All that remained unchecked, like a betrayal that was now unspeakable. So I never found a way to ask her why she had hoped for something so large that failure was inevitable.
后來的多年里，我們再沒有談過演奏會上的失敗，沒談過我在琴凳上對她的指責(zé)。像不能泄露的背叛行為一樣，所有這一切都被封存下來。我也因此沒有機會問她怎么會有如此過高而注定失敗的愿望。
And even worse, I never asked her about what frightened me the most: Why had she given up hope?
更糟的是，我沒有問過最令我害怕的問題：她為何最終選擇了放棄？
For after our struggle at the piano, she never mentioned my playing again. The lessons stopped. The lid to the piano was closed, shutting out the dust, my misery, and her dreams.
自從我們在鋼琴旁的爭吵后，她從未再提起過要我練琴。鋼琴課停了。鋼琴蓋關(guān)上了，灰塵、我的痛苦和她的夢想統(tǒng)統(tǒng)被擋住了。
So she surprised me. A few years ago she offered to give me the piano, for my thirtieth birthday. I had not played in all those years. I saw the offer as a sign of forgiveness, a tremendous burden removed.
令我感到意外的是，幾年前，她要把那架鋼琴作為我30歲的生日禮物送給我。多年來我一直沒有碰過它。所以我把贈予看作是寬恕的象征，也因此感到卸下了一個極其沉重的負擔(dān)。
"Are you sure?" I asked shyly. "I mean, won't you and Dad miss it?"
“真的？”我小心地問，“我是說你和爸爸不會不舍得吧？”
"No, this is your piano," she said firmly. "Always your piano. You are the only one who can play it."
“舍得，這是你的鋼琴。”她毫不含糊地說，“一直都是你的。就你會彈。”
"Well, I probably can't play anymore," I said. "It's been years."
“可是，我現(xiàn)在可能不會了，”我說，“很多年都沒彈了。”
"You pick up fast," said my mother, as if she knew this was certain. "You have natural talent. You could be a genius if you want to."
“你撿得快，”母親說.好像她堅信不疑，“你有天分。要是你想，你會成為天才的。”
"No, I couldn't."
“不，不可能。”
"You just not trying," my mother said. And she was neither angry nor sad. She said it as if announce a fact that could never be disproved. "Take it," she said.
“你是不努力呀母親說。既不生氣，也不傷感。她好像在宣布一個顛撲不破的事實。“搬走吧。”她說。
But I didn't at first. It was enough that she had offered it to me. And after that, everytime I saw it in my parents'living room, standing in front of the bay window, it made me feel proud, as if it were a shiny trophy that I had won back.
可是我并沒有馬上把它搬走。送給我已經(jīng)足夠了。自那以后，每次我在父母家的客廳里看見它立在向外突出的窗前，都會感到驕傲，好像它是我贏得的閃閃獎?wù)隆?/p>
