1. Eggs, bacon, bagels, and croissants, her favourite meal of the day stood right in front of her; alluring her to have more, some more, a bigger portion, probably just this one day. Her hand reached out for the last croissant; “STOP” said her mind, “PLEASE” begged the nineteen-year-old heart. She could feel the tires around her waist, weighing her down, emotionally and physically. She pulled her arm back, eyeing the lush croissant, which would have been hers, only if she had not decided to follow her dream, a dream so far-fetched, which seemed nearly impossible.

雞蛋、培根、面包圈和羊角面包，她一天中最喜愛的餐食就擺在她面前，引誘著她多吃些，再多吃些，再吃上一大口，或許這一天就這一頓了。她的手伸向最后一個羊角面包。“停下來”，她心里說，“拜托。”這個十九歲女孩在內心中祈求著。她可以感覺到自己腰上的一圈輪胎肉，沉甸甸地壓在她的身心上。她強迫著把自己的手臂收了回來，眼睛緊盯著那誘人可口的羊角面包，那本來就是她的，如果她沒下定決心追隨自己的夢想，那遙不可及且幾乎不可能實現的夢想。

2. But she wanted it, and wanted it bad: she had to realize her deepest wish, one shared with many teenage girls, to fit into the beautiful peacock green bikini. A trip had been planned, to the city of beaches, by her huge group of friends, and the trip included her. She used to sit dejected listening to her slim friends talking about the kind of clothes they had purchased, and how short each of their skirts were, and how beautiful they all looked. She wanted to be among them discussing their figures and sizes, and gain their admiration. So she decided.

但這是她想要的，非常迫切地想要——她必須實現自己最大的愿望，這一許許多多花季少女共同的愿望，以便讓自己能夠合身地穿上那件漂亮的孔雀綠比基尼。她的一大幫朋友計劃去那個海濱城市旅行，這次旅行也包括她。她曾很多次沮喪地坐在那里，聽著她那些苗條的朋友談論她們買到的各類衣服，她們的每條裙子有多短，以及她們看起來多么漂亮。她想成為她們中的一員，跟她們一起討論身材和衣服尺碼，并贏得她們的贊賞。于是她下定了決心。

3. Up and down, back and forth, her life jolted by vigorous gym sessions, her scale; her worst nightmare smiled at her happily, as it moved away from the bigger numbers, bit by bit, slow but steady. She was overjoyed, she felt it, from within, as she stood in front of the mirror, analysing her reflection, measuring her inches. She opened her wardrobe, and proudly looked at the bikini, but it wasn’t time. She removed it admiringly, stroked the fabric, and visualized herself on the shore of a beach, flaunting her curves, bikini clad.

反反復復，來來回回，她的生活因大運動量的健身課，以及她的體重秤上顯示的數字而搖擺不定。隨著她的體重數一點兒一點兒，緩慢而又平穩地下降，她最大的噩夢向她露出了開心的微笑。當她站在鏡子前，打量著鏡子中的自己，測量著自己的身材尺碼，一種欣喜若狂的感覺從她內心中涌出。她打開衣櫥，自豪地看著那件比基尼，但時機還不成熟。她愛不釋手地把那件比基尼取了出來，撫摸著它的面料，想象著自己在海灘上，穿著比基尼，炫耀著自己婀娜的曲線。

4. Her thoughts were interrupted by the knock at her bedroom door. She heard her mother scream out for her, it was time for supper, and back she was with her bowl of assorted vegetables and her best entertainer, the television. She zapped, ate, zapped, reaching for the last lettuce leaf in her bowl, only realising her stomach craved for something extra. It frustrated her that she wanted to feast on her favourite fried chicken, mashed potatoes, Oreo biscuits or additional helpings of Hazelnut Choco spread.

她的思緒被她臥室門的敲門聲打斷了。她聽到母親大聲喊她該吃晚飯了。回來時，她手里捧著一碗什錦蔬菜，開始了她最喜愛的娛樂方式——看電視。她快速地切換了幾下電視頻道，吃了幾口，又快速地切換了幾下頻道。當她的手伸向碗里的最后一片生菜葉時，她才意識到自己的肚子其實還沒飽。她想要盡情享用自己喜歡的炸雞、土豆泥、奧利奧餅干，或是再來一份榛子巧克力醬，這令她非常沮喪。

5. She had been through this a dozen times, but this time it was different, she wanted to be someone else, someone popular, and someone that made heads turn. She had to compromise, and so she did, with a little reluctance once in a while, but a whole new chapter of determination. She wanted to be the topic of harmless gossip among the ones in school; she wanted to be out dating on Saturdays, partying on Sundays, shopping in skimpy outfits, which she had dreaded to wear till now.

這樣的體驗，她已經歷過十幾次，但這次卻與以往不同。這一次，她想成為另一個人，一個很受歡迎，并且能夠贏得回頭率的人。為此，她不得不做出些妥協，于是她這樣做了，盡管偶爾有那么點兒不情愿，但一個全新的決心篇章還是開始了。她想成為學校中無惡意八卦的一個話題人物；她想周六出去約會，周日參加聚會，穿著輕薄的衣服去購物，這種衣服她一直沒敢穿過。

6. Weeks passed, her patience started to die away, she once in a while treated herself with an ice cream, the fat was stubborn and refused to melt fast, but over time it did. No matter how less she ate, she still looked awfully plump, which annoyed her and she was ready to call it quits. She sat on her fluffy bed and wept an entire evening, ignoring her dinner. Her tears dried up, leaving her cheeks cold, she lay down on her bed staring at the ceiling, letting random thoughts pass by her mind. She hadn’t realised but her bedroom was hot and stuffy, she leapt out of her bed to open the windows.

幾個星期過去了，她的耐心開始消失，開始不時用冰激凌款待下自己。脂肪非常固執并且拒絕快速融化，但時間并沒有讓事情發生改變。不管她吃得多么少，看起來卻依舊非常豐滿，這令她很煩惱，她準備放棄了。她坐在自己松軟的床上，哭了整整一個晚上，甚至把吃晚餐的事都忘得一干二凈。她擦干眼淚，臉頰上只留下木訥的表情。她躺在床上，盯著天花板，讓自己的胡思亂想從腦海中掠過。她才意識到臥室又熱又悶，于是她跳下床，打開了窗戶。

7. The wind blew into her round pale face. She stared outside her window, and watched a mother treading along the footpath along with her son. The boy would have easily been older than twelve, the woman looked very familiar; maybe she was someone from her apartment. She watched closely as the son held on to his mother’s saree and plodded along with her. His head bent, in an awkward gait, made him look a bit abnormal. She closely watched them enter the apartment; they stopped to talk to another mother, who also had a teenage son but a much more normal looking one. Standing near the window on the ground floor and only a few meters away from them, she could overhear their conversations. The usual small talk, recipe exchange, and the latest saree in fashion, bored her and as she stepped away from the window, she heard one of the lady say something about a special school.

風吹到她蒼白的圓臉上。她凝視著窗外，注意到一位母親正和她的兒子行走在人行道上。很容易看出，那個男孩已超過12歲，她的母親看上去很眼熟，也許她跟她同住在一棟公寓樓里。兒子緊緊抓住母親的紗麗服，邁著沉重的腳步跟母親一起走著。與此同時，他的母親正密切地注視著他。他偏著頭，步態笨拙，使他看起來有點反常。她緊緊地盯著他們進入公寓。他們停下來與另一位母親交談，那位母親也帶著一個十幾歲的兒子，但這孩子看上去更正常一些。她站在一樓的窗戶旁，離他們只有幾米遠，可以偷聽到他們交談的內容。只不過是普通的閑聊、菜譜交流，以及最新款式的紗麗服，這些話題使她感到很是無聊。當她邁步離開窗戶旁時，她聽到其中的一位女士談到了特殊教育學校的事情。

8. She immediately turned towards them again and observed the mother of the abnormal son. On the contrary, her face blossomed and she began raving about her son’s painting skills, and his ability to play the guitar even without learning. The woman added; “My child is special, and every child is a gift. It doesn’t matter what’s on the outside, inner self is what matters.

她立即再次轉向他們，目光聚到那個看上去反常的孩子的母親。形成對比的是，那位母親正容光煥發地贊不絕口于她兒子的繪畫技巧，以及無師自通便能演奏吉他的本領。那位母親補充道：“我的孩子很特別，每個孩子都是上天賜予的禮物。外在的東西并不重要，內心的自我才是關鍵。”

9. Standing in her bedroom, through the window she gazed at the boy playing with a Rubik’s cube, his tongue curving at each turn of the cube and his eyes fixed on the colourful object. She ran to her closet and saw the beautiful looking bikini. She took one last look at it and stuffed it inside the top shelf. She looked at herself in the mirror and, her flesh noticeably bulging out from her denim, and her belly sagging down. She met her eyes’ reflection and said the words aloud, “I am a beautiful person.” She smiled at herself and looked around her bedroom, her space where she became what she was; where ideas, thoughts, desires and hopes were given birth to, and where she found her true self.

她站在自己的臥室里，透過窗戶凝視著那個正玩著魔方的男孩。魔方每轉動一下，他的舌頭都會卷曲一下，但他的雙眼始終沒有離開過他手中那五彩繽紛的物體。她跑到衣櫥旁，看著那件漂亮的比基尼。她最后看了它一眼，然后把它塞進了頂層架子里。她看著鏡子里的自己，她身上的肥肉非常明顯地從牛仔布下鼓了出來，腹部松弛地下垂著。她的眼神與鏡子中她自己的眼神相遇了，她大聲說：“我是個美女。” 她對著鏡子中的自己露出了微笑，然后環顧了下自己的臥室——就是在這里，她變成了現在的樣子；就是在這里，孕育了她的觀念、思想、欲望，還有希望；也就是在這里，她找到了真實的自我。