1. That afternoon, my mother lined me up against the wall again, as always these past few weeks before I could even take one step outside the house. She stood there like a firing squad. “That moustache…" She shook her head. "I still say a seventeen-year-old has no business wearing a moustache." "It's an experiment," I said. "I just wanted to see if I could grow one." To tell the truth, I had proved my point about being able to grow a decent moustache, but I also had learned to like it. "Look," I said, to cheer her up. "I'm thinking about shaving it off." Even though I wasn't. Another discovery: You can build a way of life on postponement. "Your grandmother probably won't even recognize you," she said. And I saw the shadow fall across her face.
那天下午，我的母親像過去的幾個星期一樣，又一次在我踏出家門之前，把我抵在墻邊。她站在那里，就像一個手握武器的行刑官。“你這小胡子......”她搖了搖頭。“我還是那句話，一個十七歲孩子不應該留小胡子。”“這是個實驗，”我說，“我只是想看看我能不能長出小胡子。”說實話，我已經證明了自己能長出像樣的小胡子，但是我還得學著去喜歡它。“看，”我說，打算讓我母親高興起來，“我正在考慮把它剃掉。”縱然我根本沒這么想過。一個新發現：緩兵之計也可以當作一種生活方式。“你奶奶可能都不認識你了，”她說。與此同時，我看到她的臉陰沉了下來。
2. But ok, I am going too fast. Let me tell you first what this is all about. My grandmother is seventy-three years old. She is a resident -- which is supposed to be a better word than patient -- at the Lawnrest Nursing Home. She used to make the greatest turkey in the world and was a nut about baseball and could even quote famous players, for crying out loud. Now she has something called arteriosclerosis, which really means that she can't live at home anymore or even with us, and her memory has betrayed her as well as her body. She used to wander off and sometimes didn't recognize people. My mother visits her all the time, driving the thirty miles to Lawnrest almost every day.
還好，我溜得比較快。我先說說這件事究竟是怎么回事——我的祖母今年七十三歲。她是勞恩瑞斯特養老院的住戶——住戶這詞應該比患者更好些。她曾做過世界上最好吃的火雞，還曾經癡迷于棒球，天哪，甚至可以引用著名球員說過的話。而現在她身患動脈硬化癥，這實際上意味著她再也不能住在家里，甚至再也無法跟家人生活在一起，而且她還會記憶混亂，甚至身體都不聽自己使喚。她自己走丟過，有時還不認識人。我母親總去探望她，幾乎每天都會驅車30英里去勞恩瑞斯特療養院。
3. Now it was my winter vacation, and I hadn't seen my grandmother since she'd been admitted to Lawnrest. Frankly, I wasn't too crazy about visiting a nursing home. In fact, as I approached Lawnrest -- which is a terrible cemetery kind of name, to begin with -- I was sorry I hadn't avoided the trip. Then I felt guilty about it. I thought of all the Christmas and birthday gifts my grandmother had given me and I walked in the nursery home, feeling guilty, as usual.
此時正值我的寒假，而且自從祖母住進勞恩瑞斯特療養院后，我還沒見過她。坦白說，我并不喜歡去療養院這種地方。事實上，在我去勞恩瑞斯特療養院的路上（這名字有些可怕，有點兒像墓地的名字），我就有些后悔踏上了這次行程。然后，我對有這樣的想法感到了些愧疚。我想起了祖母送給我的所有圣誕禮物和生日禮物，然后，像往常一樣，滿懷愧疚地走進了療養院。
4. I found my grandmother sitting in bed in her room. She saw me and smiled. Her eyes lit up and she reached out her hands to me in greeting. "Mike, Mike," she said. And I breathed a sigh of relief. This was one of her good days. I took her hands in mine. They were fragile. "Mike, Mike, I didn't think you'd come," she said, so happy. "I've been waiting all this time."Her eyes were bright. Radiant, really. Or was it a medicine brightness?
我看到我祖母時，她正坐在她房間的床上。她看到我，露出了微笑。她的眼睛閃閃發亮，同時伸出雙手向我打招呼。“邁克，邁克。”她說。我松了一口氣。看來今天她的狀態不錯。我握住她的手。她的手很虛弱。“邁克，邁克，我沒想到你會來，”她非常高興地說，“我一直都在等你。”她的雙眼很明亮。她真的是容光煥發，還是藥物的作用？
5. "Ah, Mike. You look so grand, so grand. Is that a new coat?" "Not really," I said. I'd been wearing my uncle Jerry's old jacket for months, ‘practically living in it’, my mother said. "You always loved clothes, didn't you, Mike?" she said. I was beginning to feel uneasy, because she regarded me with such intensity. Those bright eyes. I wondered -- are old people in place like this so lonesome, so abandoned that they go wild when someone visits? Or was she so happy because she was suddenly sharp and clear headed?
“啊，邁克。你看起來那么大，那么大。那是一件新外套嗎？”“不是呀。”我說。這件我叔叔杰里的舊外套，我已經穿了幾個月了，就像我母親說的那樣，“實際上這件外套長在我身上了”。“你一直都很喜歡衣服，不是嗎，邁克？”她說。我開始感到不安，因為她注視我的目光是如此強烈。還有她的那雙明亮的眼睛。我很納悶——是不是像她這樣如此寂寞、被如此遺棄的老年人，當有訪客來時，是不是都會發瘋？還是她這么高興，是因為她突然變得思維敏銳、頭腦清醒了？

6. “You always said 'It's the things of the spirit that count, Meg. The spirit! And so you bought the piano -- a piano in the middle of the Depression! How I loved that piano…I thought I'd lost you forever Mike. And here you are, back with me again..." Her expression scared me. “
你總是說'最重要的是靈魂，梅格。靈魂！于是，您買來了這架鋼琴——大蕭條中買的一架鋼琴！我好喜歡這架鋼琴……我以為我永遠地失去了你，邁克。但，你又出現在我的眼前，你又回來陪伴我了……”她的表情嚇到我了。
7. Thinking back to the pictures in the old family albums, I recalled my grandfather as tall and thin. Like me. He was thirty-five when he died, almost forty years ago. And he wore a moustache. I also wore a moustache now, of course. "I sit here these days, Mike," she said, her voice a lullaby, her hand still holding mine, "and I drift and dream. The days are fuzzy sometimes, merging together. Sometimes it's like I'm not here at all but somewhere else. And I always think of you. Those years we had. Not enough years, Mike, not enough..."
回想那些舊家庭相冊中的照片，我記起了祖父又高又瘦的形象。跟我的樣子很像。大約四十年前，他去世時年僅35歲。而且，他留著小胡子。當然，我現在也留著小胡子。“這些天，我就一直坐在這里，邁克，”她說話的聲音像搖籃曲一樣，她的一只手仍握著我的手，“我每天恍恍惚惚得，似夢似醒。日子有時過得稀里糊涂，很多事情都混在一起了。有時候，就好像我根本不在這里，而是在其他地方。而且，我總是會想起你。那些我們在一起的日子。那些日子沒過夠，邁克，沒過夠……”
8. "Listen..." I began. I wanted to say: "Nana, this is Mike your grandson, not Mike your husband." "Sh...sh..." she whispered, “Don't say anything. I've waited so long for this moment. To be here. With you. I hate you to see me this way -- you always said I was beautiful. I didn't believe it. That other night, Mike. The terrible one. The terrible accusations I made. Even Ellie woke up and began to cry. You said I was wrong. And I did not believe you. I've even forgotten the name of the girl. I sit here, wondering now -- was it Laura or Evelyn? I can't remember. Later, I learned that you were telling the truth all the time, Mike. That I'd been wrong...It was never the same after that night, was it, Mike? The glitter was gone. From you. From us. And then the accident... and I never had the chance to ask you to forgive me..."
“聽我說……”我開口說話。我本想說：“奶奶，我是您的孫子邁克，不是您的丈夫邁克。” “噓……噓……”她小聲說，“什么也別說。我已經等待這一時刻太久了。和你在一起。我不喜歡你這樣看著我——你總是說我很漂亮。我才不相信你的鬼話。那天晚上，邁克。那個可怕的晚上，我做了那個可怕的指控。甚至艾莉都醒了，開始哭。你說我錯了，但我不相信你。我甚至忘記了那個女孩的名字。我此時坐在這里，正在琢磨——她是叫勞拉還是伊芙琳？我記不起來了。后來，我了解到，邁克，你一直在說真話。一直錯的是我......那天晚上過后，情況變得不同了，是嗎，邁克？你我內心的光芒都消失了。后來，發生了那場事故……我從來沒有機會請求你原諒我……”
9. My grandmother. My poor, poor grandmother. Old people aren't supposed to have those kinds of memories. They're not supposed to come to life. You’re simply visiting an old lady in a nursing home. A duty call. And then you find out that she's a person. She's somebody. She's my grandmother, all right, but she's also herself. Like my own mother and father. They exist outside of their relationship to me. I was scared again. I wanted to get out of there.
我的祖母。我的可憐、可憫的祖母。老年人不應該有那樣的回憶。那樣的回憶不應該繼續存在。你只是來療養院看望一位老太太。一次禮節性的拜訪而已。然后，你發現她其實是一個人，一個了不起的人。她是我的祖母，好吧，但她也是她自己。就像我自己的父親和母親一樣。他們存在于與我的關系之外。我又被嚇到了。我想趕快擺脫這種思考。
10. "Mike, Mike," my grandmother said. "Say it, Mike. Say you forgive me, Mike. I've waited all these years..." I was surprised at how strong her fingers were. "Say, 'I forgive you, Meg.'" I just said it: "I forgive you, Meg." And for the first time in my life, I saw love at work. Not movie love. Not Cindy's sparkling eyes when I tell her that we're going to the beach on a Sunday afternoon. But love like something alive and tender, asking nothing in return. She raised her face, and I knew what she wanted me to do. I bent and brushed my lips against her cheek.
“邁克，邁克。”我的祖母說。“你說吧，邁克。說你原諒我，邁克。這些年來我一直在等著這句話……”我驚訝于她的手指居然這么有力量。“說'我原諒你，梅格’。”于是，我照說了：“我原諒你，梅格。”這是我一生中第一次看到愛的火花正在迸發。不是電影里的愛；不是當我告訴辛迪我們要在周日的下午去海邊時，她眼睛閃閃發光的樣子。但是，這愛就像一個鮮活而又溫柔的存在，不要求一點兒回報。她揚起了臉，我知道她想要我做什么。我彎下腰，用我的嘴唇擦過她的臉頰。
11. She closed her eyes and I stood up. I waited a while. She seemed to be sleeping, her breathing serene and regular. I buttoned my coat. Suddenly she opened her eyes again and looked at me. Her eyes were still bright, but they merely stared at me. Without recognition or curiosity. Empty eyes. I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back. She turned away on the bed, pulling the blankets around her. I counted to twenty-five and then to fifty and did it all over again. I cleared my throat and coughed. She didn't move; she didn't respond. I left. Just like that. I didn't even say goodbye or anything. I rushed in the car and turned up the volume of the radio. I would have done anything to not hear myself think while driving home.
她閉上眼睛，我站了起來。我等了一會兒。她似乎睡著了，呼吸平靜而有規律。我扣好了她外套上的扣子。突然她再次睜開眼睛看著我。她的眼睛依舊是那樣的明亮，但它們只是盯著我而已，沒有了辨識或好奇的目光，只是一雙空洞的眼睛。我對她微笑，但她并沒有回敬微笑給我。她背過身，躺在床上，把毯子拉來蓋在自己身上。我數到二十五，然后數到五十，然后又數了一遍。我清了清嗓子，咳嗽了一下。她沒有動，沒有做出任何回應。我離開了。就這樣離開了，我甚至什么都沒說，連句再見也沒說。我沖上車，調高收音機的音量。只要開車回家路上聽不到我自己內心的想法，讓我做什么都行。
12. "Well, how was your grandmother?" mom asked right away when I entered. I told her she was fine. What I really wanted was to ask her -- hey, Mom, you and Dad really love each other, don't you? I mean -- there's nothing to forgive between you, is there? But I didn't. Instead I went upstairs and took out the electric razor Annie ehad given me for Christmas and shaved off my moustache.
“那，你奶奶怎么樣了？”我進家門的時候母親馬上問我。我告訴她她很好。我真正想要問她的是：嘿，媽媽，你和爸爸真的很愛對方，不是嗎？我的意思是，你們之間沒有什么可互相原諒的，是吧？但，我并沒有這么問，而只是走上樓，拿出艾尼作為圣誕禮物送我的電動剃須刀，剃掉了我的小胡須。