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Conversations with new people can be sort of terrifying.
和陌生人交談可能有點可怕。
I mean, they can also be awesome!
我想說，和陌生人聊天也可以是件很棒的事情！
There's always a chance you're about to learn something fascinating or add a cool new friend to your life.
你總有機會去學習一些有趣的東西，或者在生活中交一個很棒的新朋友。
But you are making a first impression.
但是你在塑造自己給人的第一印象。
And at some point, you might be left with a creeping sense of, "Did they actually like me?"
在某種程度上，你可能會有一種壓力感，“他們真的喜歡我嗎?”
Most of us are willing to believe that other people find us perfectly tolerable.
我們大多數人都愿意相信，別人覺得我們還過得去。
But it can be hard to tell whether they liked you enough to want to spend time with you again.
但很難說別人是否真的喜歡你，愿意再次和你在一起。
Psychologists think that we might be too hard on ourselves, though.
心理學家認為我們可能對自己太苛刻了。
Most of the time, people probably like you better after talking to you than you think they do.
大多數時候，人們可能比你想象的更喜歡你。
It's called the liking gap.
這叫做喜歡差距。
But if you know it's there… well, maybe you can chill out about first impressions and just enjoy your time with new people.
但是如果你知道有這么回事，也許你可以冷靜對待第一印象，享受和新朋友在一起的時光。
Psychologists have been studying meta-accuracy, or your ability to correctly judge others' feelings about you, for a long time.
長期以來，心理學家一直在研究元準確性，即正確判斷他人對你的感覺的能力。
But the study that gave the liking gap its name was published in 2018 in the journal Psychological Science.
名為“喜歡差距”的研究于2018年發表在《心理科學》雜志上，
It looked at participants' encounters with new people in five different experiments.
觀察了參與者在五個不同實驗中與陌生人的接觸。
Some of the experiments asked undergrads to talk with new people for five minutes or for as long as they liked.
一些實驗要求本科生與陌生人交談五分鐘，或者喜歡聊多久就聊多久。
In others, participants spoke with people they met at a workshop or reported on their relationships with their roommates over the course of their freshman year of college.
在另一些實驗中，讓參與者與在研討會上認識的人交談，或者說出他們在大學一年級期間與室友的關系。
The researchers found that participants consistently underestimated how much their partner liked them,
研究人員發現，參與者總是低估搭檔對他們的喜愛程度，
and assumed they'd enjoyed the conversation more than their partner had, no matter how long or short the conversation.
并假設他們比搭檔更享受這段對話，無論對話是長是短。
Being shy predicted an even bigger liking gap.
害羞預示著喜歡的差距更大。
And the roommates?
室友呢?
They kept experiencing the liking gap in all the check-ins throughout the academic year, except for the very last one in May.
整個學年，除了最后一個5月，他們都經歷了喜歡差距。
While this could suggest you'll eventually figure out that people really do like you, the gap might have gone away because by then,
雖然這可能意味著你最終會發現人們真的喜歡你，但差距可能已經消失了，因為到那時，
they discussed how they got along and decided whether or not they wanted to live together again.
他們討論了如何相處，并決定是否要再次生活在一起。
It's worth noting that we're not talking about social anxiety disorder here.
值得注意的是，我們這里討論的不是社交焦慮癥。
While social anxiety disorder is all about the fear of being negatively judged or rejected in social situations,
社交焦慮障礙是指，害怕在社交場合受到負面評價或排斥，
it's a much more intense anxiety that affects your day-to-day life and your ability to spend time with friends and family.
它是一種更強烈的焦慮，影響你的日常生活，影響你與朋友和家人相處的能力。
That's probably best treated by a psychiatrist or therapist.
該病最好由精神科醫生或治療師治療。
The liking gap is a less extreme, more universal tendency to underestimate how much other people like you.
“喜歡差距”的不太極端、更普遍的傾向是低估別人有多喜歡你。
And it's actually kind of surprising that it exists, because people usually think they're great at stuff.
事實上，它的存在有點令人驚訝，因為人們通常認為自己在這方面做得很好。
Studies have repeatedly found a better-than-average effect,
研究一再發現，這種效果好于平均水平，
where people tend to think they're better than the average person at things like driving a car.
人們往往認為，他們比普通人在一些事情上，比如開車，更擅長。
Even though obviously we can't all be better than average, because, you know, math.
盡管在數學上我們可能并不比一般人優秀
But there are a number of factors that can help explain the liking gap.
但是有很多因素可以幫助解釋喜歡差距。
One is the situation itself, because conversations can be stressful.
一個是情境本身，因為對話可能會產生壓力。
Something as simple as wanting to present yourself well has been shown to change the way people evaluate their performance.
一些簡單的事情，比如想要展示自己，已經證明可以改變人們對自己表現的評價。
Conversations are also hard. Like literally cognitively demanding.
對話也很困難。就像字面上的認知要求。
You have to listen while also mentally rehearsing that clever anecdote you're about to tell and then oh no wait the moment went by it would be weird if you told it now and then ack, what was a question?
你必須一邊聽，一邊在心里默念你要講的那個巧妙的軼事，然后，哦，不，等等，如果你現在講出來會很奇怪，隨后又確認問題是什么?
Which means that we often aren't paying attention to the subtle cues other people are giving us.
這意味著我們通常注意不到別人給我們的微妙暗示。
But even if you are, researchers have suggested that people might not provide enough useful feedback for you to come to the conclusion that they like you, either out of politeness or out of a fear of being rejected themselves.
但即使你是，研究人員認為，人們可能不會提供足夠有用的反饋，讓你覺得他們喜歡你，要么出于禮貌要么害怕被拒絕，
For instance, one 1972 study of nearly 200 undergraduates found that people tend to hold back both positive and negative evaluations of others,
例如，1972年一項針對近200名大學生的研究發現，人們往往對他人的正面和負面評價都有所保留，
especially when they're not very close to the person they're making judgments about.
尤其是當他們和被評價的人不是很親近的時候。
So given that conversations are messy and confusing,
鑒于對話混亂，令人困惑，
we often base our estimates of how much other people like us on the best set of data we have: our own views of ourselves.
我們經常根據持有的最好的一組數據來估計別人有多喜歡我們：我們對自己的看法。
Which can be… misguided.
這可能會被誤導。
Psychologists have suggested that you guess what other people are thinking of you by taking baby steps away from your own point of view until you reach something that seems plausible.
心理學家建議，你可以從自己的角度出發，一步一步地猜測別人對你的看法，直到發現一些看似合理的東西。
But, of course, we're super biased about what's plausible.
但是，當然，我們對什么是合理的有很大的偏見。
For one thing, you might not be taking into account the fact that people you've never met tend to assume that you conform to social norms.
首先，你可能沒有考慮到一個事實，即你從未見過的人往往會認為你遵守社會規范。
They expect you to be kind, because most people are kind to strangers and don't start yelling at them with no provocation.
他們覺得你是友善的，因為大多數人對陌生人都很友善，不會無緣無故對他人大吼大叫。
This isn't the Sims.
這不是模擬人生。
But also, researchers have found that social situations make people focus much more on their own failings.
但是，研究還發現，社交環境讓人們更加關注自己的缺點。
Which makes evolutionary sense: it's good to learn from your social mistakes so that you don't get kicked off the island.
這在進化上是有道理的：從社交錯誤中學習是件好事，這樣你就不會被踢出你所生活的環境。
You also have a lot of previous experiences to compare yourself against,
你也有很多之前的經驗來比較，
so you might notice that your performance in this conversation is considerably less great than all the other conversations you've ever had.
所以你可能會注意到你在這段對話中的表現遠遠不如你在其他對話中的表現。
That badly delivered punchline sticks out like a sore thumb to you.
那句蹩腳的妙語對你來說就像疼的大拇指一樣。
In other words: We judge ourselves too harshly, and then assume other people are making judgments similar to ours.
換句話說：我們對自己的判斷過于苛刻，然后假設其他人也做出與我們相似的判斷。
Resulting in… a liking gap.
這就產生了喜歡差距。
This isn't something you can just change about your brain overnight.
這不是你一夜之間就能改變的事情。
But just knowing that the liking gap exists can be kind of comforting.
但是僅僅知道喜歡差距的存在就能讓人感到安慰。
Because the people you meet probably like you more than you think they do, and that's honestly kind of awesome news.
因為你遇到的人可能比你想象的更喜歡你，這真是個好消息。
Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow Psych!
感謝收看本期心理科學秀！
I'll just tell you straight up and leave the guesswork out of it:
我直接告訴你，不要瞎猜：
If you're a fan of free resources for science education, we like you a lot.
如果你喜歡免費的科學教育資源，我們很喜歡你。
And hey, we have something in common!
嘿，我們有共同點!
You also might be interested in joining our community over on Patreon, whose support is what allowed us to create this channel in the first place.
您也可能有興趣加入我們在Patreon上的社區，正是Patreon的支持使我們能夠創建這個第一通道。
Just go to patreon.com/scishow to check it out!
去patreon.com/scishow看看吧!
