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The idea of being just friends sounded like a good one at first.
“只做朋友”這個想法剛開始聽起來還不錯。
I would still get to text you our inside jokes.
我仍然給你發只有我們知道的梗。
I would still get to see you face-to-face.
我也可以和你繼續見面。
You would still be a part of my world, which I considered a good thing,
你仍是我世界中的一部分。我認為這是好事，
because the thought of letting you go was too painful to handle.
因為“你離開我”這件事對我來說太痛苦了。
I was wrong. Being just friends was even more difficult than walking away would have been.
我錯了，“只做朋友”比接受你離開我更難。
It slowly killed me inside.
它慢慢地將我扼殺。
Every time you told me you were out, I wondered whom you were with and whether you were on a date.
每次你告訴我你出門了，我都好奇你和誰在一起，和誰在約會。
Sometimes I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when you mentioned another person.
當你提起另一個人的名字，我感覺我身體的器官都變得沉重。
Other times I would hold back from asking questions because I didn't want to look overly concerned with your love life.
有時，我會阻止自己去向你詢問，我不想讓自己過分去關注你的感情生活。
After all, it was none of my business anymore.
畢竟，這已經不關我的事了。
Even though we considered ourselves friends, it didn't feel like a typical friendship.
盡管我們認為仍是彼此的“朋友”，但我們之間又不是平常的朋友關系。
We had to hold so much back from each other.
我們不得不和對方保持距離。
I didn't want to come to you with stories about crushes and seem like I was trying to make you jealous.
我沒辦法告訴你我對別人的迷戀，好像我想讓你產生嫉妒。
I didn't want to come to you with complaints about my life either and seem like I was miserable without you.
我也不能和你抱怨我的生活，好像沒了你我就過得很凄慘。
I felt like I had to censor myself around you.
在你身邊，我就得審查我自己。
I felt like our conversations were limited to safe topics.
我們的話題也僅限一些不越界的“安全話題”。
With the rest of my friends, I was free to joke around without worrying about how my actions would be interpreted.
和其他的朋友在一起時，我可以隨意地開玩笑，不必擔心我的行為能否被理解。
But with you, I never knew whether I was crossing a line by texting you or slapping your arm after you told a joke.
但和你在一起，我卻不知道在你講完笑話之后，回復你消息或者拍你的胳膊是否屬于越界。
I didn't want you to wonder whether I was flirting with you,
我不想讓你覺得我好像在和你調情，
whether I still had strong feelings for you, whether I was attempting to win you back.
讓你覺得好像我還對你有感覺，好像我還想贏回你。
Maybe a part of me was hoping we would get back together.
也許有一部分的我仍希望我們能重新在一起。
Maybe that is why I wanted to keep you close.
也許這就是為什么我還想你與我靠近。
Every time I looked at you, I was hit with a million memories from our past.
每當我看著你，我會被過去的許許多多回憶打動。
Every time you spoke, I thought about how good your lips tasted.
每次你講話的時候，我都會想起你的嘴唇有多美好。
Every time we were left alone together, I wondered whether the spark still existed.
每次只有我們兩個在一起，我都會好奇我們之間是否還有火花。
I wondered whether we should have given each other a second chance.
我想知道我們是否應該給對方第二次機會。
I had trouble moving on from you because you were always around.
我沒辦法往前走，因為你還在我身邊。
I never had a break from you.
我沒辦法在你身邊喘口氣。
I never had an opportunity to push you out of my mind and focus on someone else. You were a distraction.
也沒辦法將你從我腦海中剔除，去關注另一個人。你讓我分心。
At first, I wanted to take the high road.
其實剛開始，我以為這是條捷徑。
I wanted to have some sort of relationship with you, even if it wasn't a romantic one,
我想以某種關系與你連接，即使不再是那種浪漫的關系，
because removing you from my world seemed unfair after everything we had been through together.
因為在我們一起經歷了一切之后，把你從我的世界中驅除看似不夠公平。
But it turns out that being just friends with you is not going to work.
但事實證明，我沒辦法與你“只做朋友”。
I am never going to move on from you when you are standing right in front of me.
當你站在我面前，我就永遠無法向前走。
