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Chapter 37
第三十七章
The circumstances of Blanche Stroeve's death necessitated all manner of dreadful formalities, but at last we were allowed to bury her. Dirk and I alone followed the hearse to the cemetery. We went at a foot-pace, but on the way back we trotted, and there was something to my mind singularly horrible in the way the driver of the hearse whipped up his horses. It seemed to dismiss the dead with a shrug of the shoulders. Now and then I caught sight of the swaying hearse in front of us, and our own driver urged his pair so that we might not remain behind. I felt in myself, too, the desire to get the whole thing out of my mind. I was beginning to be bored with a tragedy that did not really concern me, and pretending to myself that I spoke in order to distract Stroeve, I turned with relief to other subjects.
勃朗什·施特略夫死后因為情況復雜需要一關一關地辦理許多道手續，但是最后我們還是取得了殯葬的許可證。跟隨柩車到墓地去送葬的只有我同戴爾克兩個人。去的時候走得很慢，回來的路上馬車卻小跑起來，柩車的車夫不斷揮鞭抽打轅馬，在我心上引起一種奇怪的恐怖感，仿佛是馬車夫聳聳肩膀想趕快把死亡甩在后面似的。我坐在后面一輛馬車上不時地看到前邊搖搖擺擺的柩車；我們的馬車夫也不斷加鞭，不讓自己的車輛落后。我感到我自己也有一種趕快把這件事從心里甩掉的愿望。對這件實際上與我毫不相干的悲劇我已開始厭煩了，我找了另外一些話題同施特略夫談起來；雖然我這樣做是為了解除自己的煩悶，卻騙自己說是為了給施特略夫分一分神。
Don't you think you'd better go away for a bit? I said. "There can be no object in your staying in Paris now."
“你是不是覺得還是到別的地方去走一走的好？”我說，“現在再待在巴黎對你說毫無意義了。”
He did not answer, but I went on ruthlessly:
他沒有回答我，我卻緊追不舍地問下去：
Have you made any plans for the immediate future?
“你對于今后這一段日子有什么安排嗎？”
No.
“沒有。”
You must try and gather together the threads again. Why don't you go down to Italy and start working?
“你一定得重新振作起來。為什么不到意大利去重新開始畫畫兒呢？”
Again he made no reply, but the driver of our carriage came to my rescue. Slackening his pace for a moment, he leaned over and spoke. I could not hear what he said, so I put my head out of the window. He wanted to know where we wished to be set down. I told him to wait a minute.
他還是沒有回答，這時我們的馬車夫把我從窘境里解救了出來。他把速度降低了一些，俯過身來同我講了一句什么。我聽不清他說的是什么，只好把頭伸出窗口去；他想知道我們在什么地方下車。我叫他稍微等一會兒。
You'd better come and have lunch with me, I said to Dirk. "I'll tell him to drop us in the Place Pigalle."
“你還是來同我一起吃午飯吧，”我對戴爾克說，“我告訴馬車夫在皮卡爾廣場停車好不好？”
I'd rather not. I want to go to the studio.
“我不想去了。我要回我的畫室去。”
I hesitated a moment.
我猶豫了一會兒。
Would you like me to come with you? I asked then.
“你要我同你一起去嗎？”我說。
No; I should prefer to be alone.
“不要。我還是愿意獨自回去。”
All right.
“好吧。”
I gave the driver the necessary direction, and in renewed silence we drove on. Dirk had not been to the studio since the wretched morning on which they had taken Blanche to the hospital. I was glad he did not want me to accompany him, and when I left him at the door I walked away with relief. I took a new pleasure in the streets of Paris, and I looked with smiling eyes at the people who hurried to and fro. The day was fine and sunny, and I felt in myself a more acute delight in life. I could not help it; I put Stroeve and his sorrows out of my mind. I wanted to enjoy.
我告訴車夫應該走的方向，馬車繼續往前走，我們兩人又重新沉默起來。戴爾克自從勃朗什被送進醫院那個倒霉的早上起就再也沒回畫室去。我很高興他沒有叫我陪伴他，我在他的門口同他分了手，如釋重負地獨自走開。巴黎的街道給了我新的喜悅，我滿心歡喜地看著街頭匆忙來往的行人。這一天天氣很好，陽光燦爛，我感到我的心頭洋溢著對生活的歡悅，這種感情比以往任何時候都更加強烈。我一點也由不得自己；我把施特略夫同他的煩惱完全拋在腦后。我要享受生活。
