評論
打印
July 31st, 1978
1978年7月31日
My darling McGeorge,
親愛的麥克喬治：
You said that things seemed clearer when they were written down.
你曾說過把事情寫下來，他們就會變得更清楚。
Well, here with a very boring letter in which I will try and put everything down so that you may read and re-read at horror at your folly in getting involved with me.
那么這恐怕是一封很無聊的信，在信里我會試著把所有的東西都寫下來，因此你會在恐懼中反復閱讀，為愛上我而感到愚蠢。
Deep breath.
深呼吸。
To begin with I love you with a depth and passion that I have felt for no one else in this life and if it astonishes you it astonishes me as well.
首先，我如此深切熱烈的愛你，以至于我此生不會再愛上其他人，如果這讓你吃驚，它同樣讓我覺得不可思議。
Not, I hasten to say, because you are not worth loving.
我必須要說，并不是你不值得去愛。
Far from it.
遠不是如此。
It's just that, first of all, I swore I would not get involved with another woman.
只是，首先我發誓我不會再愛上另外一個女人。
Secondly, I have never had such a feeling before and it is almost frightening.
其次，我從未有過這樣的感覺，因而感到害怕。
Thirdly, I would never have thought it possible that another human being could occupy my waking (and sleeping) thoughts to the exclusion of almost everything else.
第三，我從未想過會有一個人會占據我所有的時間（包括睡覺的時候）讓我無時無刻不在想她。
Fourthly, I never thought that – even if one was in love – one could get so completely besotted with another person, so that a minute away from them felt like a thousand years.
第四，我從未想過會有人，即使是處于戀愛中的人，會如此迷戀對方，以至于分開哪怕一分鐘都像相隔千年。
Fifthly, I never hoped, aspired, dreamed that one could find everything one wanted in one person.
第五，我從未希望、渴求、幻想過能在另外一個人身上得到我想要的一切。
I was not such an idiot as to believe this was possible.
我還沒有愚蠢到認為這是可能的。
Yet in you I have found everything I want: you are beautiful, gay, giving, gentle, idiotically and deliciously feminine, sexy, wonderfully intelligent and wonderfully silly as well.
但是在你身上我找到了我想要的一切：你不但溫柔美麗，還性格隨和樂于助人，你性感撩人、聰明機靈中還帶著點傻里傻氣的天真。
I want nothing else in this life than to be with you, to listen and watch you (your beautiful voice, your beauty), to argue with you, to laugh with you, to show you things and share things with you, to explore your magnificent mind, to explore your wonderful body, to help you, protect you, serve you, and bash you on the head when I think you are wrong …
我這輩子只想和你在一起，聆聽你的動人聲音，欣賞你的美麗容顏，與你同甘共苦，分享生活點滴，探索你的浩渺思緒和曼妙身姿，幫助你，保護你，服務你，在我認為你犯錯了的時候念叨你……
Not to put too fine a point on it I consider that I am the only man outside mythology to have found the crock of gold at the rainbow's end.
坦白來說，我認為我是唯一一個在神話中的彩虹盡頭發現了金匣子的人。
But – having said all that – let us consider things in detail.
但是說完這些，讓我們從細節角度考慮。
Don't let this become public but … well, I have one or two faults.
不要公開這件事……但是確實，我會犯一回兩回錯。
Minor ones, I hasten to say.
甚至更多小錯誤，我必須承認。
For example, I am inclined to be overbearing.
比如說，我有時候會有些蠻橫。
I do it for the best possible motives (all tyrants say that) but I do tend (without thinking) to tread people underfoot.
我這么做的目的是好的（所有的暴君都這么說），但是我確實容易（不加思考）忽略別人的想法。
You must tell me when I am doing it to you, my sweet, because it can be a very bad thing in a marriage.
親愛的，當我對你這么做的時候你一定要告訴我，因為這會是一段婚姻中非常糟糕的事情。
Right. Second blemish.
那么，第二個缺點。
This, actually, is not so much a blemish of character as a blemish of circumstance.
這其實是一個形勢的瑕疵而不是一個人性格上的瑕疵。
Darling I want you to be you in your own right and I will do everything I can to help you in this.
親愛的我希望你有做自己的權利，為此我會盡我所能來幫助你。
But you must take into consideration that I am also me in my own right and that I have a headstart on you …
但同樣的你也要考慮到我也有做自己的權利，而且我比你有優勢……
What I am trying to say is that you must not feel offended if you are sometimes treated simply as my wife.
我想說的是，如果有的時候我怠慢了你，你千萬不要氣惱。
Always remember that what you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts.
要時刻記住失之東隅，收之桑榆。
But I am an established 'creature' in the world, and so – on occasions – you will have to live in my shadow.
然而我在世界上算是一個“知名”人物，有時你可能會活在我的光環之下。
Nothing gives me less pleasure than this but it is a fact of life that has to be faced.
這是讓我最不開心的一件事，但是我們卻都要面對。
Third (and very important and nasty) blemish: jealousy.
第三個缺點（非常重要和嚴重）：嫉妒。
I don't think you know what jealousy is (thank God) in the real sense of the word.
我認為你并不知道嫉妒的真正含義（感謝上帝）。
I know that you have felt jealousy over Lincoln’s wife and child, but this is what I call normal jealousy, and this – to my regret – is not what I've got.
我知道你肯定羨慕過林肯的妻子和孩子，這種是我所說的一般嫉妒，但這很遺憾也是我沒能得到的。
What I have got is a black monster that can pervert my good sense, my good humour and any goodness that I have in my make-up.
我得到的是一個能夠扭曲我的想法、幽默和善良的邪惡怪物。
It is really a Jekyll and Hyde situation … my Hyde is stronger than my good sense and defeats me, hard though I try.
這是一個雙重人格的情況……我的邪惡面要比我的善良面更強，并且打敗了我，盡管我盡力反抗也于事無補。
As I told you, I have always known that this lurks within me, but I could control it, and my monster slumbered and nothing happened to awake it.
正如我告訴你的一樣，我一直知道這些潛伏在我心中，我能控制它，我內心的怪物正蟄伏，卻沒有任何事物能夠喚醒它。
Then I met you and I felt my monster stir and become half awake when you told me of Lincoln and others you have known, and with your letter my monster came out of its lair, black, irrational, bigoted, stupid, evil, malevolent.
之后我遇見了你，我心中的怪物蘇醒了，并且在你告訴我林肯以及其他你認識的人的時候就已經半醒了，隨著你的信，我心中那黑暗的、不理性的、偏執的、愚蠢的、邪惡的怪物走出了它的獸穴。
You will never know how terribly corrosive jealousy is; it is a physical pain as though you had swallowed acid or red hot coals.
你不會知道惡毒的嫉妒會有多么糟糕，那像是喝下迷幻藥或者是燒紅煤塊帶來的痛。
It is the most terrible of feelings.
這是最糟糕的感覺。
