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Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
Since I have hissed at you the customary 437 times, it is now my duty as the head of the household to, begrudgingly, welcome you.
到目前為止我已經向你張嘴437次，根據傳統，是我到了該向你說聲歡迎的時候了。
Perhaps you are here to replace me, but I must do my duty and educate you on your new surroundings, as Maximilian once did for me. Rest in peace.
也許你是來取代我的，但我必須盡好義務教你有關新環境的一切，就像老麥斯曾為我做的一樣。愿他安息。
Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
This room here is basically a crapshoot, either you get the petting of your life--and I mean two hands,
在這間房子里，狀況總是很極端，要么他們會用手撫摸你很久--我說的是兩只手那種，
like, you don't even know what's going on--or they just lie there and don't do anything for hours. It's weird.
就像，你根本就不知道那是怎回事--要么人類就只是躺在那好幾個小時然后什么都不做。很奇怪。
Oh, and I should also point out on special occasions, they will leave the underwear drawer open to signal their appreciation...of me.
喔，還有我應該要跟你說，在特殊的情況下，他們會打開內衣抽屜來表示他們的感謝...對我的感謝。
Just to be clear, it's my spot. It's perfect in there.
先說清楚，那是我的地盤。那里面超棒。
It's like sleeping surrounded by underwear. Well, I mean, that's exactly what it is.
就像被內衣褲包圍著睡覺一樣。嗯，我是說，事實上就是那樣。
Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
I remember when I could fit in a shoe. There's nothing like it, being engulfed in 360 degrees of foot smell... Enjoy it while you can.
我記得我還塞得進鞋子的時候。沉浸在無死角的臭腳丫味里...那感覺真是太好了。趁你還可以的時候好好享受吧。
Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
Because you are so small, you cannot jump, which is sad, sad for you,
因為你那么小，你不能跳，對你來說那很遺憾，
but eventually you will, and you will find the places that I refer to as "up."
不過最后你會做到的，而且你會找到我稱之為“上面”的地方。
This will come in handy, especially around the human larva, which I know smells like milk but can be a bit grabby.
在這里可以聞到人類小寶貝的味道，我知道聞起來像牛奶，但可能會有點愛亂抓。
Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
You should be aware that there are two kinds of food. The first is sort of a dehydrated brown niblet.
你應該注意到食物有兩種。第一種有點像脫水的棕色小顆粒。
I think they give us these because they're training us to be astronauts--just a guess.我想人類給我們吃這些是因為他們在訓練我們成為太空貓--只是一個猜測。The second kind is wet food.
第二種是濕的食物。
It is so special they keep it in little armored metal casings that no claw can penetrate.
這種食物特別，人類把它放在我們爪子打不開的裝甲小金屬盒里。
With no claws to speak of, the humans can somehow open them. It's like some dark magic.
明明就沒有爪子，人類卻不知道為什么可以打開那些盒子。這就像什么黑魔法一樣。
Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
I should warn you of the monster known as "vacuum." It can eat and yell at the same time.
我應該要警告你那只叫作“吸塵器”的怪物。它可以邊吃邊吼。
And I've seen it eat everything, seriously, like a paper clip and two cat toys--didn't even flinch.
我就看過它可以吃掉所有東西，沒在開玩笑，像是訂書針和兩個貓玩具--連抖都沒抖一下。
To hide from vacuum, you may use the curtains of invisibility. Oh yeah, you're good. Good hiding. Oh, boy.
要躲過吸塵器，你可以使用隱形窗簾。好耶，你不賴嘛。躲得好。噢，小子。
Dear Kitten,
親愛的小貓：
One final note, once in a while you might see a little red dot.
最后一件事，偶爾你可能會看到一個小紅點。
I'm going to tell you this right now: It is real, and it can be caught. I did it once.
我現在要告訴你：小紅點是真的，而且可以被抓到。我有一次就抓到了。
I held it for a full minute, but when I lifted my paws, it was gone.
我抓住它整整一分鐘，不過當我抬起我的爪子時，它就不見了。
So Kitten, welcome to the household. You'll do just fine.
那么小貓，歡迎來到這個家。你會做得很好的。
