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Hi, my name is Mike Trapp, and I have a special message for expecting parents everywhere: Stop naming your children Michael! It is an indisputable fact that there are a fuck ton of Michaels out there—over four million in the U.S. alone. That's a lot of Michaels! That's more than all the Zacs, Pats, Grants, and Siobhans combined. Or to think of it another way, if you took all the Mikes in the U.S. and lined them up end to end, they would stretch from New York City to Rome, and most of them would drown.
嗨，我叫 Mike Trapp，我有一個特別的訊息要給世界各地的準父母們：不要再把你的小孩取名 Michael 了!外頭有一拖拉庫 Michael 是個不爭的事實——光美國就有超過四百萬個。那可是很多 Michael!那比 Zac、Pat、Grant 還有 Siobhan 這些名字全加起來還多。或這樣想，如果你找出美國所有 Mike 然后把他們排一排，這些 Mike 會從紐約延伸到羅馬，大部分會淹死。
Now, you may be wondering if there's really that many Mikes. Well, all you have to do is look in your phone. Go ahead! Look. I'll wait. Can you believe how many Mikes there are?! And how many old contacts you have that you should delete? It's crazy.
現在，你可能在想是不是真的有那么多 Mike。這個嘛，你只需要看看你的手機。快啊!看一下。我等你。你能相信里面有多少Mike嗎？!還有你有多少應該要刪除的過時聯絡人？這真是瘋了。
Now you may be thinking, Who cares? I'm still gonna name my kid Mike. And here's the thing: No, you're not. There are so many Michaels that no one will ever call them that. When you name your kid Michael, you're really naming him "Mikey B." or "Fat Mike" or whatever your last name happens to be.
現在你可能在想，誰在乎啊？我還是要叫我小孩 Mike。是這樣的：不，你不會。有太多 Michael 了，所以永遠不會有人真的那樣叫他們。當你替小孩取 Michael 這個名字，你其實是在替他取名為“Mikey B.”或“胖 Mike”或任何你家的姓。
Hey, Trapp!
嘿 Trapp!
Hey!
嘿!
There are so many Michaels that there are already two incredibly famous Michael Jordans, and two famous Michael Foxes... and two famous Mike Myerses... And look at this! All these actors are in Boardwalk Empire. They're all Mikes! Every last one of them! A Mike! And in case people weren't enough, it's also the name of a John Travolta movie, a national craft store chain, and a hard lemonade. So clearly there are too many Mikes. And we've been making this mistake for ages. It was the number one male name from 1954 to 1998, and it's still in the top three. The only other things from the 1950s that are still that popular are rock 'n' roll, The Tonight Show, and racism. And I'm not sure about the first two.
Michael 多到已經有兩個超級有名的 Michael Jordan，還有兩個出名的 Michael Fox……跟兩個有名的 Mike Myers…… 看看這個!這些演員都是《海濱帝國》里的。他們通通是 Mike!每一個!Mike!假如人名不夠多，這還是約翰·屈伏塔演的一部電影、一家全國連鎖手工藝材料行，還有檸檬酒精飲料的名字。所以顯然有太多 Mike。而且我們已經犯這個錯很久了。這是 1954 年到 1998 年最受歡迎的男性名字，而且它現在還在前三名。其它從 1950 年代紅到現在的東西只有搖滾樂、《今夜秀》還有種族歧視。前兩個還紅不紅我也不太確定。
So this year, let's put an end to the madness. Let's make 2016 the year of No New Mikes. You can name your child anything you want—Jeremy or Apple, or even Nichael, which is different, but it sounds very similar...anything except Mike. I thank you, and the following people thank you.
所以今年，讓我們替這種瘋狂現象畫下句點吧。讓我們把 2016 年變成“沒有人再叫 Mike”的一年。你可以替小孩取任何你想要的名字——Jeremy 或 Apple，甚至是 Nichael，那和 Michael 不同，但聽起來很像……任何名字，除了 Mike 外。我感謝你，以下的人感謝你。
That's a lot. A lot of Mikes...!
也太多。超級多 Mike……!
