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And I went out and I interviewed person after person who was suffering with depression.
于是我去探訪了一個又一個經歷過抑郁的人
One of the first people I interviewed
我第一批采訪的人中有一個人
described depression as a slower way of being dead,
把抑郁描述為一種緩慢的死亡方式
and that was a good thing for me to hear early on
這種說法最初在我聽來是好的
because it reminded me that that slow way of being dead can lead to actual deadness,
因為這告訴我，緩慢的死亡方式是會以真正的死亡結束的
that this is a serious business.
這不是說著玩的
It's the leading disability worldwide, and people die of it every day.
這是世界上導致機能障礙的主要原因之一，每天都有人因此死去
One of the people I talked to
在我試圖了解這些的時候
when I was trying to understand this was a beloved friend
其中一個我采訪的人是我的摯友
who I had known for many years,
我們已經相識很多年了
and who had had a psychotic episode in her freshman year of college,
她曾經在她大學入學的那一年有過精神病發作
and then plummeted into a horrific depression.
之后陷入了可怕的抑郁
She had bipolar illness, or manic depression, as it was then known.
她患有雙相情感障礙，當時叫做躁郁癥
And then she did very well for many years on lithium,
她經過多年的化學治療病情控制得很好
and then eventually, she was taken off her lithium to see how she would do without it,
于是后來，她嘗試停止化學治療，想看看能夠獨立的支撐下來
and she had another psychosis, and then plunged into the worst depression that I had ever seen
她卻精神病復發，并且陷入了我所見過的最嚴重的抑郁
in which she sat in her parents' apartment,
她在父母的公寓里坐著
more or less catatonic, essentially without moving, day after day after day.
多少有些緊張癥的樣子，幾乎一動不動，日復一日都是如此
And when I interviewed her about that experience some years later
當我幾年之后采訪她那段經歷時
she's a poet and psychotherapist named Maggie Robbins
她叫瑪吉·羅賓斯，詩人，精神治療醫師
when I interviewed her, she said,
當我采訪她的時候她說
"I was singing 'Where Have All The Flowers Gone' over and over to occupy my mind.
“我一遍一遍地唱著‘花兒去向何處’來占據我的頭腦
I was singing to blot out the things my mind was saying,
來清除我頭腦中不停重復的話語
which were, 'You are nothing. You are nobody. You don't even deserve to live.'
‘你一文不值，你這個無名小輩，你根本不配活在這世上。’
And that was when I really started thinking about killing myself."
那時候我真正開始有了自殺的想法。”
You don't think in depression that you've put on a gray veil
你沒有意識到自己抑郁，但是你已經戴上了一層灰色的面紗
and are seeing the world through the haze of a bad mood.
并且是透過這層壞情緒的薄紗來看待這個世界的
You think that the veil has been taken away, the veil of happiness,
你認為是快樂的面紗被摘掉了
and that now you're seeing truly.
這樣你可以看得更加真實
