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Can we be frank? No one cares about your vows except you. Which is exactly why you should feel free to indulge your every wedding whim.
You Will Need
Self-absorption
Cheesiness
No shame
Steps
Step 1 Sex them up
Make your vows sexy. Say things that make everyone—old and young alike—cringe with embarrassment.
Step 2 Hone your standup act
Treat your vows like a stand-up routine.
Step 3 Include inside jokes
Include lots of inside jokes. Who cares if no one at the service knows what the hell you’re talking about? This day is about you.
Step 4 Wax poetic
Set your vows in iambic pentameter. Everyone loves amateur poetry.
Step 5 Make them gag
Make your promises so touchy-feely, lovey-dovey, ooey, gooey, that your loved ones want to gag.
Step 6 Break into song
For truly memorable vows, break into song—preferably one you wrote yourself.
Step 7 Make it lengthy
Make your vows as long as possible. Hey, you may not have a captive audience like this ever again.
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s wedding vows included a promise to make milkshakes. The marriage lasted four years.
