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Welcome to the Williamsburg diner.
歡迎來到威廉斯堡餐廳。
My name's Max, 'cause the hospital wouldn't let my mother name me "Oops."
我叫麥克斯，因為我出生時醫院不準我媽給我取名叫"我勒個去"。
Uh, I've been out of town all summer. Anything new?
整個夏天我都在外地。有啥新料？
Anything new? Let's see. Well, Facebook went public, and Edward Snowden went private.
新料嗎？我想想。臉書公開上市，愛德華·斯諾登轉入地下潛逃。
Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now there's another Kardashian to not "keep up" with.
卡戴珊與侃耶生了個娃，所以又多了個不需要跟蹤的卡戴珊家人。
Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in.
寶拉·迪恩下臺，同性婚姻被通過。
And a teacher in California is out for letting her students get it in.
加州一名女老師下臺，因為她跟她學生私通過。
Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Chris Brown got a hit and run, Rihanna got hit and still didn't run.
賈斯丁·比伯肇事逃逸，克里斯·布朗也肇事逃逸，蕾哈娜被男友打但還是沒逃逸。
Oprah gave Lindsay $2 million, Cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer,
奧普拉給了林賽·羅韓兩百萬，邁克爾·道格拉斯舔陰得喉癌，
and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that.
他給了全天下男性又多一個不為女人口交的理由。
Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier, and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
埃及瘋了，亞曼達·拜恩斯更瘋，而國家安全局跟瘋子前女友一樣狂查我們手機。
Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks,
德州討厭女人，佛羅里達討厭黑人，
and everybody hates everything with the exception of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome.
基本上大眾看啥都十分不爽，只看安吉麗娜·朱莉順眼，她真的屌爆了。
I meant on the menu. Anything new on the menu?
我是說菜單。菜單上有啥新料理嗎？
I have no idea. Let me check. Hey, Caroline, anything new I should know about?
完全不知道。我問問。卡洛琳，有啥我該知道的新料嗎？
The royal baby smiled at the queen.
英國王室金孫對女王笑了。
I meant at the diner.
我是說餐廳啦。
Oh. I think we're maybe washing the forks now? Let me check.
我們現在好像會洗叉子了？我問問。
