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Kate: So, you're saying I'm wrong.
Mike: No, no, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that you know absolutely nothing
about women.
Kate: Mike, there's not a woman in the world who's gonna let you kiss her after you got her
name wrong.
Mike: Kara...Karen, I mean, they're so close.
Kate: Her name was Joan.
Mike: Where were you when I needed you?
Kate: I was with David, the only man who knows less about women than you do.
David: Hiya.
Kate: Where have you been? You were supposed to meet me here for lunch.
David: Cut me some slack here babe; as director of this play we're doing, I gotta get lights, I
gotta get props, I gotta get costumes...
Kate: But I ate alone.
David: But for one it has got to be perfect. You know what a royal pain in the rrump Professor
Thorn is.
Mike: Err...David.
David: Let me share with you an anecdote from Rralph Rrichardson...
Professor Thorn: Mr. Home, I roll my R's far more Rrregally than that.
Mike: Ow, Professor, you're spitting on me.
Professor Thorn: I know. A principal role of the Director is observation, so watch it, Bob.
David: Wow, maybe I should apologise.
Kate: Oh just sit down, eat your sandwich, I'm used to it... Figures.
Mike: Ah, come on, David is crazy about you.
Kate: Yeah, what do you know about guys?
Mike: Hey, I've been one for the last fifteen years.
Kate: But you're nineteen.
Mike: Interesting story.
Ben: So Dad, did you just let me win, or are you getting old and slow?
Jason: I let you win.
Mike: Hey Dad, hey Ben. Oh, Dad, this is David and you remember Kate.
Jason: Yeah.
Mike: We're gonna be rehearsing after dinner, OK?
Jason: Yeah, fine.
David and Kate: Hi there.
Ben: I'm...Ben.
Mike: Like she cares.
Jason: Alright. Ready to go again?
Ben: Err...yeah sure.
Jason: Alright, what's the scores? Is that Kate waving to you? Yes!!
(Mike, David and Kate rehearsing- Mike and Kate are acting.)
David: The train whistle blows.
Mike: It's time to make a choice, you can stay here in this town living other people's dreams,
or you can take a chance with me?
Kate: Jeff, I can't decide my whole life in a moment.
Mike: Well a moment is all we got. Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica.
David: Ah! Look, look, look, look! The play's just going great until this kiss here at the end.
Mike, you're not kissing her goodbye, you're kissing her hello. I mean, after this moment,
we're supposed to believe she falls in love with you. I mean, the way you kissed her, I think
you're the kind of guy who owns a lot of cats. OK, from where we were.
Mike: A moment's all we got. Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica.
David: Yo, Mike, you...err...you err...like girls, right?
Mike: Yes man, of course I like girls!
David: OK, then what the heck's the problem here?
Mike: Nothing...no.. Well she's your girlfriend.
David: No she's not.
Kate: Pardon me.
David: OK Kate, bare with me here. She's an actress, you're an actor; kisses mean nothing
between actors.
Mike: Hey!
Kate: Look, while you guys make out, I'm gonna sit down.
David: Kate, please, OK! Take it again, same page.
Kate: David, we've been rehearsing for five hours, I'm tired.
David: Hey, it's your grade too.
Kate: Don't lecture me, I know it's my grade.
David: Yeah, why is it whenever I've got to make a point with you, you think I'm giving you a
lecture?
Mike: Look, look, look, just calm down! I'll kiss your girlfriend, alright?
David: There, now why can't you be more like Mike?
Kate: Why can't you be more like Mike?
Mike: OK, so we're agreed, I'm a great guy. Now can we just call it a night?
David: No, no, we're rapped after we get this kiss right. Now listen to me, Jessica is...is the
one hope for bringing meaning to your aimless life. All the passion you once held for the open
road, you now feel for her. And Jeff is your chance, your one possibility, to escape the life
that's trapped you; the life you've outgrown. OK? OK. Train whistle blows.
Mike: It's time to make a choice, you can stay here in this town, living other people's dreams,
or you can take a chance with me.
Kate: Jeff, I can't decide my whole life in one moment.
Mike: Well a moments all we got. Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica.
David: Woo woo!!
(Mike's dream)
Mike: Well a moment's all we got. Then kiss me goodbye, Jessica. Wait, wait, could you please
turn the lights back up! Thank you. I've got kind of an announcement to make; see we weren't
acting just now, and I want you all to know, heck, I want the whole world to know, that I love
Kate McDonnell. And I think as you can tell from that last kiss, she feels the same way about
me.
Kate: Mike! Mike, we're just acting.
Mike: What?
Kate: Mike, we're just doing a play.
Mike: You mean, you're not crazy about me?
Kate: I don't even like you.
Professor Thorn: I don't like you either and I'm a royal pain in the rump.
Mike: Errm...folks...errm... What you have just seen here is proof that a kiss means nothing
between actors. Here let me demonstrate. Dad!! What are you doing here?
Jason: With a dream like this, you're gonna need help from somebody.
Mike: Dad! Dad! Well I could go upstairs, wake him up and tell him I need to talk to him, or I
could be more subtle. What does it take to get a man out of bed?
Carol: What are you doing, I'm trying to sleep.
Mike: Well, I'm trying to conserve energy, Carol, by running our appliances at off-peak hours.
Carol: Well, why don't you put on the toaster, it's quieter?
Mike: Carol, why don't you go upstairs, circle three times and lay down?
Carol: You're up to something.
Mike: No I'm not.
Carol: You dropped out of school.
Mike: No.
Carol: You burned down the garage!
Mike: Carol.
Carol: You held up a liquor store!
Mike: Carol!
Carol: Don't help me, this is fun.
Mike: OK, Carol, I have question; now could you kiss a guy in a way that would make him
think that you were nuts about him, when you really don't feel anything at all?
Carol: Who told you this, was it Nick?
Jason: What's all the noise?
Mike: Well, it was Carol, she's upset about some guy she's dating.
Carol: What?
Mike: Hey Carol, if I were you I'd dump him; the man's got no taste.
Jason: Good night.
Mike: Wait a minute, Dad. I mean how often do I come to you with my problems?
Jason: Every Wednesday, eight o'clock, seven central.
Mike: Fine, fine, make jokes. You know, it was your idea for me to come and talk to you.
Jason: It was? Right, well, I better stay. Wanna join me in a late night snack?
Mike: Yeah, if you're looking for it, I already finished the pineapple upside down Kate.
Jason: Pineapple upside down Kate!
