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Dear Annie: I’ve had my current job as a human resources manager for about a year-and-a-half, and everything was going fine until we got a new boss from outside the department. He seems to have a need to do everything himself. I’ve also come across instances where he has snooped behind my back to find out what I’ve been doing. Today, I found out he asked my admin for details of my attendance at the office, “just to check” on me.
親愛的安妮：我從事目前人力資源經理的工作已有一年半時間，之前一切順利，直到從其他部門空降來一位新老板。他似乎喜歡事必躬親。我還在無意中發現，他居然暗中窺探我做的事情。今天，我發現他在向我的行政人員打聽我的出勤情況，只是為了“查查”我。
At the same time, he is really nice to other members of my team, which leads me to conclude that, for some reason, he just doesn’t like me. In the beginning, I tried to build a rapport with him but, after being snubbed more than once, I just don’t want to make the effort any more. Is there anything I can do, besides find a new boss? — Odd Man Out
但與此同時，他對我的其他團隊成員卻非常友好。于是，我得出了這樣一個結論：由于某些原因，他一定不喜歡我。最初，我曾嘗試過與他建立和諧的關系，但不止一次的冷遇讓我不想再付出任何努力。除了找一位新老板，我還能做些什么嗎？——O.M.O.
Dear O.M.O.: You probably don’t want to hear this but, if you want to stay in this job, you’re going to have to keep trying. “This is hard, because you have to humble yourself a little and find a way to see things from this manager’s point of view,” says Karin Hurt, CEO of Baltimore-based executive coaching firm Let’s Grow Leaders. She wrote a book, Overcoming an Imperfect Boss: A Practical Guide to Building a Better Relationship with Your Boss, that you might find useful.
親愛的O.M.O.：有句話或許你不愛聽，但如果你希望繼續當前的工作，恐怕還得努力嘗試。巴爾的摩高管培訓公司Let’s Grow Leaders的CEO卡琳o赫特說：“這種事很難，因為你必須放下身段，盡量從老板的角度來看待問題。”她曾寫過一本書——《征服不完美的老板：如何與老板建立更好的關系》（Overcoming an Imperfect Boss: A Practical Guide to Building a Better Relationship with Your Boss），這本書或許會對你有用。
A good starting point: Assume nothing. The fact that this boss came in from the outside is significant, because it means he may be used to doing things in a different way. “A certain amount of micromanagement and what looks like ‘snooping’ may just be standard behavior in the organization he came from,” Hurt notes. “It’s annoying, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t like you.”
一個很好的起點是：不要做任何假設。你的老板來自外部，這個事實非常重要，因為這意味著他或許習慣了不同的工作方式。赫特說：“在他原先的部門，一定程度的微觀管理和看起來像是‘窺探’的行為可能只是一種標準行為方式。雖然這種方式令人不快，但卻并不意味著他一定不喜歡你。”
Try (again) to engage this boss in a conversation and “make it about you, not about him. What can you do differently that would help the two of you work better together?” Hurt points out that he may be going behind your back and asking others about your work because he isn’t hearing enough from you directly. “Ask what kind of information he wants or needs from you, and on what kind of schedule,” she suggests. Once you start delivering it, the “snooping” may stop.
（再次）嘗試與這位老板進行對話，對話的主題應該是“你，而不是他。你能做出哪些改變，幫助雙方更融洽地共事？”赫特指出，他背地里向其他人詢問你的工作，可能只是因為從你這里直接聽到的信息不夠。她建議：“詢問對方希望或需要你提供哪些信息，以及提供信息的時間安排。”只要你開始提供他需要的信息，“窺探”行為或許就會停止。
In Overcoming an Imperfect Boss, Hurt suggests a list of 10 questions you could ask—ideally in a casual setting (over lunch, for instance), but in a formal appointment at the office if need be. Two of the most important: “If your boss were to give me one piece of advice, what would it be?”; and “What could I be doing to make your job easier?” You might be surprised at the answers, and just making the effort to find out could be enough to win your boss over. Notes Hurt, “It’s hard to dislike someone who’s sincerely asking for feedback and advice.”
在《征服不完美的老板》一書中，赫特建議你可以提出十個問題——最好是在非正式場合（例如午餐時間），但如果有必要，也可以在辦公室進行正式的約談。其中兩個最重要的問題是：“如果你的老板要給你一條建議，會是什么呢？”以及“我能做些什么來減輕你的工作負擔？”問題的答案或許會令你大感意外，但光是為尋找答案付出的努力就足以幫你贏得老板的善意。赫特說：“人們很難對誠懇尋求反饋和建議的人心生厭惡。”
Let’s say you do that and nothing changes. Hurt suggests trying these three tactics.
假如你做了上面的努力，情況卻沒有絲毫改變。赫特建議嘗試下面三種戰術。
Make sure you’re terrific at your job. “You need to take a hard look at your own performance,” and even seek out honest feedback from peers, because “it’s hard to argue with success,” Hurt says. “We’ve all worked with people we weren’t crazy about, at one time or another, but great performance trumps everything.”
保證自己在工作上表現出色。赫特說：“應該密切關注自己的績效，”甚至要尋求同事的誠實反饋，因為“沒有人可以否定成功的事實。我們都曾有過與自己不太喜歡的人共事的經歷，但出色的表現總能勝過一切。”
Try to match your boss’s speaking style. Hurt has worked with clients who rubbed each other the wrong way because of “too big a difference in style,” she says. “If your boss is very soft-spoken and you’re much more voluble and high-energy, or vice versa, try altering the way you talk.” Sometimes, she says, this one simple step can help a lot.
嘗試跟老板的說話方式保持一致。赫特的客戶便曾因為“說話方式差異太大”而產生摩擦，彼此反感。她說：“如果你的老板說話溫和，而你卻非常健談且活力十足，或者相反，那你就應該盡量改變自己說話的方式。”她認為，有時候這樣一個簡單的措施就能發揮巨大的作用。
Ask for pointers from someone your boss does seem to like. Since you mention that your boss seems partial to other people on your team, why not see if there’s a specific reason? Hurt recently coached a manager who wasn’t getting along with the finance director at her company, to whom she reported. “So she talked with a peer about it, and that person described how she communicated with the boss, how often, and in what way, and that fixed the problem,” Hurt says, adding that her client learned she had to make just a few small changes: “Sometimes fixing something very basic can work surprisingly well”—once you know exactly what it is.
向老板喜歡的人尋求指點。既然你提到自己的老板對其他團隊成員有所偏愛，為什么不查找一下具體原因？赫特近期指導的一位管理者與自己的上司（公司的財務總監）相處不太融洽。赫特說：“于是，她與一位同事討論了這個問題。對方描述了她如何與上司溝通，以及溝通的頻率和方式。后來，這次談話幫她解決了問題。”赫特補充道，她的客戶知道，自己必須做出一點小小的改變：“有時候，在最基本的地方做出改變，會帶來令人意想不到的效果”——前提是你知道自己具體需要改變的地方。
One more thought: Before you go off in search of a new boss, give this one some time. Hurt says she once worked for a manager “who I didn’t think liked me,” she says. “But I hung in there and kept trying.” By the time she left to start her own firm, she recalls, “he said, ‘You know, you’ve kind of grown on me.’” Faint praise, but better than none.
提醒一下：在著手尋找新老板之前，給現任老板一點時間。赫特說，她曾經的上司，在她看來也不喜歡自己。她說：“但我一直堅持，并不斷努力。”后來，她離開了那里，創建了自己的公司。她回憶起當時的情景：“他說：‘你知道嗎，你讓我越來越喜歡你了。’”雖非真心的贊美，但聊勝于無。
Talkback: Have you ever worked for someone you thought disliked you? What, if anything, did you do about it? Leave a comment below.
反饋：你是否曾遇到過不喜歡自己的上司？如果有，你采取了什么樣的措施？歡迎評論。
Have a career question for Anne Fisher? Email askannie@fortune.com.
如有職場問題想咨詢安妮o費舍爾，請發送電子郵件至：askannie@fortune.com.
