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YOU CAN'T CHANGE A GUY
You may be able to make improvements to whomever you're with, but you won't be able to change him – as hard as you might try or as much as you might want to. It can be very tempting to believe you can take someone who you like – to a point – and turn him into the man of your dreams. Don't believe it. If you don't fully accept him now, as he is, you won't be able to magically make him into someone different just by marrying or moving in with him. Think long and hard before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone – or even just agreeing to share an apartment, because if you aren't totally happy with who they are and what they're about, you're setting yourself up for a relationship roller coaster that will have you feeling frustrated in no time.
你可以把和你在一起的那個(gè)人變好，但你不能改變他，盡管你可能嘗試過或者多么想改變。很容易相信你可以一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)改變你喜歡的人——從而把他變成你的夢(mèng)中情人。別相信。如果你現(xiàn)在不完全接受他，他就是他，你不可能通過和他結(jié)婚或同居就神奇地把他變成另外一個(gè)人。在你承諾一生與其相伴，甚至只是同意共享一個(gè)公寓之前要深思熟慮，因?yàn)槿绻悴煌耆珴M意他們本身以及與之相關(guān)的事，你正將自己置身于一段不時(shí)感到沮喪的過山車般的戀情中。
What starts off as a hot and heavy romance could end up feeling less-than-passionate within a year. Sometimes this just means you need to retool your approach to romance and try new things when it comes to sex, but other times it means whatever you had is over. You might still think he's nice and fun to be around, but if the chemistry is truly gone, it's not likely to come rushing back any time soon, and you can't force it. Moving forward with a guy you no longer feel any kind of spark with is a bad idea. You'll be leading him on and risking spending time with a person you're no longer into.
引燃一段火熱戀情的東西最終可能因一年之內(nèi)感覺不到激情而終結(jié)。有時(shí)這就意味著你需要給浪漫另尋出路，當(dāng)涉及性時(shí)嘗試新事物，但其他時(shí)候這意味著無論你擁有過什么都已經(jīng)結(jié)束了。你可能還認(rèn)為他在你身邊時(shí)人好又幽默，但如果化學(xué)反應(yīng)消失，不太可能很快重回正軌，你不能強(qiáng)求。與一個(gè)你不再擦出任何火花的家伙繼續(xù)下去是一個(gè)壞主意。你會(huì)給他錯(cuò)覺，并冒著風(fēng)險(xiǎn)將時(shí)間浪費(fèi)在你不再喜歡的人身上。
We know you've heard it before and you're going to hear it again – that in order to really have a successful, meaningful relationship with someone else, you have to love yourself first. It may sound like something out of a self-help book, but trust us – it's true. If you don't love and respect yourself, then how can you expect someone else to do it? The happier you are with who you are, the easier it will be to attract someone who is worthy of your love and who will treat you well.
我們知道你以前聽過這句話，你會(huì)再去聽一遍——為了和別人真正擁有一段成功的有意義的戀情，首先得愛自己。這聽起來像是出自一本自助書，但是請(qǐng)相信我們，這是真的。如果你不愛惜尊重自己，那么你怎么能期望別人這樣做呢？你越是因自身而快樂，就越容易吸引那些值得你愛并好好待你的人。
The most important lesson you can learn before you settle down is to listen to yourself. It's OK to ask for advice and get other people's input, but ultimately you're the only one who knows what's best for you. If you're in a relationship that's progressing quickly and something doesn't feel right, don't ignore those feelings. You don't have to make any rash decisions, but you should also take any doubts that come up seriously. And if you are having doubts about where the relationship is going, you need to address them. Think seriously about whether or not you're happy and if you're not, it may be time to move on.
在你安定下來之前你可以學(xué)習(xí)的最重要功課是傾聽自己。可以尋求建議以及得到他人指導(dǎo)，但最終你是那個(gè)唯一知道什么對(duì)你最好的人。如果你處在一段進(jìn)展很快的關(guān)系中，有點(diǎn)不大對(duì)勁，不要忽略那些感覺。你不需要做任何魯莽的決定，但你也應(yīng)該嚴(yán)肅對(duì)待出現(xiàn)的任何懷疑。如果你對(duì)這段關(guān)系的走向有疑問，你需要提出來。認(rèn)真思考你是否快樂，如果你不是，也許是時(shí)候離開了。
