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Felipe came over then—that was the Brazilian's name, Felipe. He invited us all to go out to this funky local restaurant owned by European expatriates, a wildly permissive place that never closes, he promised, where beer and bullshit are served at all hours. I found myself looking to Ian (did he want to go?) and when he said yes, I said yes, also. So we all went to the restaurant and I sat with Ian and we talked and joked all night, and, oh, I really liked this guy. He was the first man I'd met in a long while who I really liked in that way, as they say. He was a few years older than me, had led a most interesting life with all the good résumé points (liked The Simpsons, traveled all over the world, lived in an Ashram once, mentioned Tolstoy, seemed to be employed, etc.). He'd started his career in the British Army in Northern Ireland as a bomb squad expert, then became an international mine-field detonation guy. Built refugee camps in Bosnia, was now taking a break in Bali to work on music . . . all very alluring stuff.
斐利貝——這是那巴西人的名字——隨后走過來。他邀請我們大家去當?shù)匾患覛W洲人士開的酷餐館，一個從不打烊的狂歡地點，他保證，隨時提供啤酒和屁話。我看著伊恩（"他想不想去？"），他說好，于是我也說好。因此我們?nèi)チ诉@家餐館，我和伊恩坐在一起，整晚說說笑笑，哦，我真喜歡這家伙。我已經(jīng)很久沒有認識這么讓我喜歡的男人。他比我年長幾歲，生活過得相當精采，有很好的個人簡歷（喜歡《辛普森家庭》，周游全世界，住過道場，引用托爾斯泰，似乎有工作，等等）。他最先服役于英軍，在北愛爾蘭擔任轟炸隊專員，而后成為跨國地雷引爆人員。在波斯尼亞蓋難民營，目前來巴厘島度假學音樂……相當迷人的履歷。
I could not believe I was still up at 3:30 AM, and not to meditate, either! I was up in the middle of the night and wearing a dress and talking to an attractive man. How terribly radical.
我真不敢相信自己凌晨三點半還沒睡，也沒禪坐！我半夜三更不睡，身穿洋裝，和一位有魅力的男子在聊天，真是激進得可怕。
At the end of the evening, Ian and I admitted to each other how nice it had been to meet. He asked if I had a phone number and I told him I didn't, but that I did have e-mail, and he said, "Yeah, but e-mail just feels so . . . ech . . ." So at the end of the night we didn't exchange anything but a hug. He said, "We'll see each other again when they"—pointing to the gods up in the sky—"say so."
聚會結(jié)束時，伊恩和我都承認很高興認識彼此。他問我有沒有電話號碼，我跟他說我沒有，但我有電子郵件，他說："可是電子郵件感覺太……"因此聚會結(jié)束時，我們只交換一個擁抱。他說："我們會再見面的，只要他們，"——他指了指天上諸神——"同意。"
Just before dawn, Felipe the handsome older Brazilian man offered me a ride home. As we rode up the twisting back roads he said, "Darling, you've been talking to the biggest bullshitter in Ubud all night long."
破曉前，老巴西美男子斐利貝載我回家。我們開在蜿蜒的村路上，他說："甜心，你和烏布最臭屁的家伙聊了一整晚。"
My heart sank.
我的心一沉。
