評(píng)論
打印
I don't like to judge or talk poorly about people and I sincerely believe that EVERY single person possesses at least 3 wonderful qualities.
我不喜歡評(píng)價(jià)別人或者說(shuō)別人的壞話，我由衷地相信，每個(gè)人都至少具有3條極佳的品質(zhì)。
In fact, it is a game I sometimes play when I get really frustrated with someone. While I am huffing and puffing, I try to find 3 positive qualities about the person, who has pushed my buttons. Not always an easy task, but 3 good qualities is a realistic number.
實(shí)際上，這是當(dāng)我確認(rèn)因某人而抓狂時(shí)有時(shí)會(huì)做的一個(gè)游戲。當(dāng)我要大發(fā)雷霆時(shí)，我努力去尋找惹我生氣的這個(gè)人的3條積極的品質(zhì)。這并不總是一件容易的事，但是3條好品質(zhì)的確是現(xiàn)實(shí)存在的。
So where were we… Oh, yes – people that make our life harder. Not because they are bad people, but because they do certain things that may demotivate us, hurt our feelings or rub our ego the wrong way. Ultimately, it is not their problem but ours.
好吧，我們說(shuō)到哪里了……哦，對(duì)，生活中令我們抓狂的人。這不是因?yàn)樗麄兪菈娜耍且驗(yàn)樗麄冏龅哪承┦驴赡軙?huì)讓我們失去動(dòng)力、傷害我們的感情或者磨滅了我們的自我意識(shí)。歸根結(jié)底，這不是他們的問(wèn)題，而是我們自己的問(wèn)題。
So here is what we can do to avoid unnecessary conflicts, stress and hard feelings.
因此，做到以下幾點(diǎn)可以讓我們避免不必要的沖突、壓力和怨氣。
1.Teachers that suggest that we might not be talented enough to do something
1.暗示我們沒(méi)天分做不好某事的老師
Years ago psychologists did a classroom experiment. A group of children were randomly divided into two classes. The teachers were told that the students in first class were high achievers that should do well. The second class was labeled as "underachievers" who needed special help.
幾年前心理學(xué)家做了一個(gè)課堂實(shí)驗(yàn)。一群孩子被隨機(jī)分成兩個(gè)班。老師們被告知：第一個(gè)班里的學(xué)生是優(yōu)等生，會(huì)表現(xiàn)很好。第二個(gè)班的學(xué)生則被打上標(biāo)簽：需要特殊幫助的"差等生"。
At the beginning of the year there was no difference between the two groups of children in terms of ability. However, by the end of the school year the class that was labeled ‘high-achievers' did better than average work, while the class of so-called "underachievers" not only scored poorly, but they were less liked by their teacher.
在學(xué)年初，兩個(gè)班的孩子在能力方面并沒(méi)有表現(xiàn)出什么不同。然而，到了學(xué)年末，被認(rèn)為是"優(yōu)等生"的班級(jí)成績(jī)要出色得多，然而所謂的"差等生"的班級(jí)不僅考試分?jǐn)?shù)很低，也不怎么受老師喜歡。
It turned out that people unconsciously create situations that encourage expected behavior. If our expectations of a person are negative, we actually encourage them to behave negatively.
結(jié)果表明，人們無(wú)意中創(chuàng)造了一些激勵(lì)預(yù)期行為的環(huán)境。如果我們對(duì)一個(gè)人的期望是消極的，我們真的會(huì)導(dǎo)致他們?nèi)プ鲆恍┫麡O的事情。
What to do about it:
如何應(yīng)對(duì)：
If you want to change someone else's behavior, change your expectations about this person. Expect better from people, treat them accordingly and sooner or later they will begin to act that way.
如果你想改變別人的行為，那就改變你對(duì)此人的期望。對(duì)人們期望得更好，并相應(yīng)地去對(duì)待他們，遲早他們會(huì)開(kāi)始如你所愿去做的。
2.Bosses that ask "Would you do me a favor?" 5 minutes before you have to leave the office
2.在離下班5分鐘時(shí)問(wèn)你"能否幫個(gè)忙"的上司
It is easy to suspect that these people are actually making our life harder on purpose. But for the sake of your own peace of mind, it is better not to let these thoughts get you all worked up.
我們很容易就懷疑，這些人實(shí)際上在故意地為難你。但是為了你自己內(nèi)心的安寧，最好不要讓這些想法把你激怒。
What to do about it:
如何應(yīng)對(duì)：
Well, there is always a polite way to say "no" and offer a constructive solution. However, if you feel that the project is urgent, take the initiative to help your team or your company out. It's give and take.
好吧，總有一種禮貌的方式來(lái)說(shuō)"不"，然后提出一個(gè)有建設(shè)性的解決方法。然而，如果你感到這個(gè)項(xiàng)目比較緊急，那么就積極主動(dòng)地幫助你的團(tuán)隊(duì)或者公司。互相遷就一下。
Today you will stay after work to finish the project and next time your boss may be equally understanding if you have to leave work early.
今天你在下班后留下來(lái)完成項(xiàng)目。下一次，如果你不得不提前下班，你的老板或許也會(huì)同樣理解你并做出讓步。
3.Mean old ladies
3.刻薄的老太太
There is always a reason why an old lady gives you a stern look – you are being too loud, you are dressed inappropriately, you are not crossing the street in the right place. Sometimes it can be endearing, but if you are already having a bad day, a mean old lady can drive you to the edge of frustration.
老太太嚴(yán)厲地看著你，必定會(huì)有一個(gè)原因：你說(shuō)話聲音太大了，你的穿著不得體，你沒(méi)有在正確的地方過(guò)馬路。有時(shí)這也挺討人喜歡的，但是如果你心情已經(jīng)很糟糕了，那么一個(gè)刻薄的老太太會(huì)把你逼到崩潰的邊緣。
What to do about it:
如何應(yīng)對(duì)：
I've come to realize that when people initiate conflicts, it is actually an expression of their inner state expressed externally. You, your personality, your looks or your actions have nothing to do with it. It is not personal, so why take it personally?
我漸漸意識(shí)到，每當(dāng)人們激起矛盾，這實(shí)際上是一種將內(nèi)在狀態(tài)外化的表現(xiàn)。你、你的個(gè)性、你的外貌還有你的行為與此無(wú)關(guān)。這并不是關(guān)乎某個(gè)人的事情，所以為什么認(rèn)為這是針對(duì)你的呢？
