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The Edge--Kathleen Louise Smiley
The night before I left for Israel was spent in the same kind of conversations that had filled the previous week. "But why Israel?" my father would ask, in the same tone he used when he asked "Why China?" or "Why Russia?" or "why" any other country I had announced I wanted to visit. "There's war over there, you know," he would add. "Yes, Dad, I know. There are wars everywhere," I would answer. He would ask why I insisted on going to such dangerous places. Finally, I would hear the words I've heard all my life: "Well, you've never listened to me before. Why should I think you'd listen now?" In typical fashion, he would close his eyes, heave a long sigh and shake his head.
在我去以色列的前一天晚上，我與父親進行了一場對話，同樣的對話貫穿了整個上周。
“但是，為什么去以色列呢？”我父親問。這種口吻，就像問“問什么去中國？”、“為什么去俄羅斯”或“為什么”去其他任何我宣布要去的國家時一樣。
“你知道的，那里有戰爭?！彼a充說。
“是的，爸爸，我知道。但是到處都有戰爭?！蔽一卮鹫f。
他會問我為什么堅持去這么危險的地方。
最后，我會聽到我一輩子都能聽到的話：
“好吧，你從來都沒聽過我的話，我怎么能相信你這次會聽呢？”像往常那樣，他閉上眼，長嘆一口氣，搖了搖頭。
When these "discussions" took place, my sister, Kristy, would always try to diffuse the tension. Although she realized long ago that it would never work, she' d try just the same. "Kath, " she' d suggest, "why don' t you go to England for summer school. It's not dangerous there. " But as always, she didn't understand. None of my family has ever really understood me. I've never fit my family' s idea of the way I should live my life. England was not exciting enough. I wanted to go somewhere and experience something different. My soul has always been restless to venture into unknown places. My mother has always said that I have "gypsy" in my blood.
每次遇到這種“談話”，我的妹妹克里斯蒂總想試圖緩和這種緊張氣氛。然而，很早以前她就意識到這根本沒用。她總是這樣建議道：“凱思，為什么不去英格蘭上暑期班呢？那里沒有危險。”但是像往常那樣，她是不理解的。我的家人中沒有人真正理解我。我從來沒有按照我家人想的那樣生活，英格蘭不是很精彩，我想去一些地方體驗不同的東西，我的內心總是不安分，渴望去未知的地方冒險。我的母親總說我的血管里流淌著吉普賽人的血。
My sister and I are three and a half years apart in age, but a world apart in the way we live our lives. She is conservative and quiet. I take too many risks, and the only time I'm really quiet is when I'm asleep. I've spent most of my adult life apologizing to my sister and the rest of my family for being different, for embarrassing them by something I wear, something I do or something I say.
