Summoning the courage, you finally land a date with the hot chick you’ve been lusting for. You show up at the door with flowers and candy, and think that you are about to score brownie points when she opens the door. I have news for you, buddy, because your date is probably thinking the exact opposite.

If you’re going to ask a woman out on a date, have a plan. Women love that and women love confidence. Ask open-ended questions. Rather than saying, “Where are you from?” say, “Tell, me about the place where you grew up.” That will keep the conversation flowing. Men, you should still open doors and pull out a chair for your date. These chivalrous things still make a good impression: Plan the date near her place, not yours. And most importantly, pick up the check.

Flowers and candy were once thought to be “romantic” or a “gentlemanly gesture.” That was also in the days of Leave it to Beaver. Times have changed, women have changed. Things that worked back then, just don’t work now. They don’t carry any merit, and in fact, they actually may hurt you. Let me tell you why.

What you thought was such a sweet gesture on your part, just told the woman you are taking on a date a very different thing. To her, flowers and candy represent a wimpy token of appreciation in hopes of receiving her attention in exchange. They are unoriginal, lack creativity, and are just plain cheesy. You might get a fake smile in return, and maybe a hug if you’re lucky, but they will both lack sincerity. Strike ONE!

Not only will they lack sincerity, but you have just lost any ounce of respect you were hoping to establish. Any ordinary fellow can pick up flowers, so you have to do something to set yourself apart from those other guys.

Try something different. Think about every conversation that you have had with her. If you were listening, she probably told you more than enough about herself to give you a clue on her likes and dislikes.

Where did you meet her? At a coffee shop? At a book store? At the mall? Bringing something of context to her will show that you not only are attentive, but are proactive about it. If you bumped into her at a book store, do you remember which section you were in? What she was reading? Pick up a book of the same author or topic for her. You can’t imagine how many brownie points that will earn you.

And before you show up for your date, have something about the gift in mind that you want to talk about. Don’t think that her heart and affection will be yours upon receiving the gift. You have to know WHY you’re giving it to her, and be able to articulate it at the same time.

In the book example, do a little research on the author. Find out what types of books the author writes. Maybe check out some editorial reviews that you can “borrow” to make it appear that you know what you are talking about. And it will show your date that you went out of your way to look up and research her interests.

In her mind, if you get into something just because she is interested in it, that will show her you can express similar enthusiasm later down the road. And if she starts picturing the near future with you in it, that’ll do so much for the current date you are going on.

Trust me, you’ll see more enthusiasm on her end, which will make for an engaging date for the both of you. And you know what that means…usually another date very soon.

So, to summarize the key points of this article…

1. NOOOOOOO flowers and candy. Did I get my point across?

2. Be creative. Bring something of context.

3. Research before you give her the gift. And have something articulate to say about it.

4. Don’t make a second date while you’re still on the first date.

終于，你鼓起萬般勇氣，敲定要和你心儀已久的熱門對象約會。你站在門口，手上拿著花和糖果，想象她一開門你就達陣得分。小伙子，我得告訴你，你的約會也許和你想象的恰好相反。

如果你邀請女士和你約會，先要做計劃。女人喜歡有計劃和自信的人。問開放式的問題，比如說“談談你生長的地方”，要比問“你來自哪里？”要好的多。這樣可以讓談話繼續下去。男士們，你們應該為約會對象開門和拉椅子。這些體現風度的行為可以留下好印象：約會地點選在她家附近，而不是你家附近。最重要的是你買單。

花和糖果曾經代表了“羅曼蒂克”和“紳士風度”。那已經過時了。時代改變了，女人也改變了。以前行的通的，現在行不通了。他們不會給你帶來任何好處，事實上反而會給你帶來負面效果。讓我來告訴你為什么。

在你看來這些是甜蜜的小動作，告訴對方你特別看重這次約會。對她來說花和糖果代表了希望獲得她注意的小小表示。沒有創意，缺乏創造力，再平凡俗氣不過了。你得到的也許就是婉爾一笑，如果幸運的話也許是一個擁抱，但都缺乏誠意。一次打擊！

不僅僅是她缺乏誠意，你也失去了最后一點點你所希望建立的形象。任何人都能送花，所以你要做一些與眾不同的事。

試試做些不同的事。想想你和她談過的話。如果你聽進去了，也許她暗示過你很多她喜歡的和不喜歡的東西，多過她想告訴你的。

你曾經在哪里碰到過她？咖啡店？購物中心？給她帶點有隱含意義的東西表明你不僅細致而且積極。如果你曾和她在書店偶遇，你是否記得是在哪個區域？她在看什么？帶上一本同樣作者或話題的書，你無法想象這樣可以得多少分。

在結束約會前，腦海中想想你要談論的禮物。不要認為她收到你禮物后會把心交給你或很愛慕你。你要知道你為什么送給她，并同時明確的告訴她。

以書為例，小小研究一下作者。找出這個作者的寫作風格。也許查查社評，你可以借此表明你知道你在說什么。這樣向你的對象表明你已經尋找和研究過她的興趣愛好。

在她心里，如果你是因為她有興趣而去學習某些東西，就表示不久你會和她在同一事務上傾注同樣的熱情。 一旦她將你規劃在她不久的將來中，就會對你繼續約會下去很有幫助。

相信我，你可以看到她的熱情，對你們兩來說都是有意義的約會。你知道這意味著什么…通常不久就會有下一次約會。

最后，總結文章的關鍵點。

1. 千萬千萬不要帶花和糖果。你理解了嗎？

2. 發揮創造力，準備一些有隱含意義的東西。

3. 送禮物之前研究一下，要能實質上有話題的東西。

4. 還在第一次約會的時候不要想第二次。