Picasso And Me 畢加索和我

　　This is the 50th anniversary of the day I crossed paths with Pablo Picasso. It came about in a strange way. I had written a column showing how absurd some of my mail had become.

　　One letter was from Philadelphia. It was written by a Temple University student named Harvey Brodsky. Harvey said he was in love with a girl named Gloria Segall, and he hoped to marry her someday. She claimed to be the greatest living fan of Picasso. The couple went to a Picasso exhibit and, to impress her, Harvey told Gloria that he could probably get the artist's autograph.

　　Harvey's letter continued, "Since that incident, Gloria and I have stopped seeing each other. I did a stupid thing and she threw me out and told me she never wanted to see me again.

　　"I'm writing to you because I'm not giving up on Gloria. Could you get Picasso's autograph for me？ If you could, I have a feeling Gloria and I could get back together. The futures of two young people depend on it. I know she is miserable without me and I without her. Everything depends on you."

　　At the end of the letter, he said, "I, Harvey Brodsky, do solemnly swear that any item received by me from Art Buchwald （namely, Pablo Picasso's autograph） will never be sold or given to anyone except Miss Gloria Segall."

　　I printed the letter in my column to show how ridiculous my mail was. When it appeared, David Duncan, a photographer, was with Picasso in Cannes and Duncan translated it for Picasso.

　　Picasso was very moved, and he took out his crayons and drew a beautiful color sketch for Gloria Segall and signed it.

　　Duncan called and told me the good news.
　　I said, "The heck with Gloria Segall, what about me？"

　　David explained this to Picasso and in crayons he drew a picture of the two of us together, holding a glass of wine, and wrote on the top, "Pour Art Buchwald."

　　By this time, the Associated Press had picked up the story and followed through on the delivery of the picture to Gloria Segall. When it arrived special delivery in Philadelphia, Gloria took one look and said, "Harvey and I will always be good friends."

　　If you're wondering how the story ends, Harvey married somebody else, and so did Gloria. The Picasso hangs in Gloria's living room.

　　It was a story that caught the imagination of people all over the world. I received lots of letters after the column was published. My favorite came from an art dealer in New York, who wrote:

　　"I can find you as many unhappy couples in New York City as you can get Picasso sketches. Two girls I know are on the verge of suicide if they don't hear from Picasso, and I know several couples in Greenwich Village who are in the initial stages of divorce. Please wire me how many you need. We both stand to make a fortune."

　　Another letter, from Bud Grossman in London, said, "My wife threatens to leave me unless I can get her Khrushchev's autograph. She would like it signed on a Russian sable coat."

阿爾特？布赫瓦爾德著

　　鄒紅云 譯

　　今天是我和帕勃洛？畢加索相遇的50周年紀念日。這件事發生得很是離奇。在那以前,我寫過一篇專欄文章,讓大家瞧瞧我收到的一些郵件有多荒唐。

　　有一封寄自費城的信,是坦普爾大學一位名叫哈維？布洛德斯基的學生寫的。哈維說他與一位叫格洛里亞？西格爾的姑娘墜入了愛河,希望有朝一日能娶她為妻。這位姑娘聲稱自己是活著的頭號畢加索迷。這一對兒去參觀了畢加索的一個畫展,為了打動她,哈維告訴格洛里亞他很有可能弄到畫家的簽名。

　　哈維的信繼續往下寫:“自從那件事后,格洛里亞不再和我見面。我干了件蠢事,她就甩了我,并告訴我她再也不想見我。

　　“我寫信給你是因為我不想放棄格洛里亞。你能給我弄到畢加索的簽名嗎？要是弄得到的話,我覺得格洛里亞和我還能再走到一塊。兩個年輕人的未來就取決于這個簽名了。我知道,她沒有了我很痛苦,我呢,沒有了她心里不好受。一切都靠你的了。”

　　在信的結尾,他寫道:“我,哈維？布洛德斯基,莊嚴宣誓:任何阿爾特？布赫瓦爾德寄給我的東西（即畢加索的簽名）,我決不會賣掉或送給除了格洛里亞？西格爾以外的任何人。”

　　我把這封信刊載在我的專欄里,讓大家瞧瞧我收到的郵件有多可笑。信登出來時,攝影師戴維？鄧肯正在戛納和畢加索在一起,鄧肯就把這封信翻譯給畢加索聽。

　　畢加索很感動,他拿出有色粉筆,為格洛里亞？西格爾畫了幅彩色速寫,并簽上了名。
　　鄧肯打電話告訴我這個好消息。

　　我說:“見格洛里亞？西格爾個鬼,有我的份嗎？”

　　戴維把我的話向畢加索做了說明,他便用有色粉筆畫了幅我們倆在一起手舉酒杯的畫,并在畫的上方寫道:“為阿爾特？布赫瓦爾德斟酒。”

　　這個時候,美聯社已嗅得了這個故事,并且一路追蹤到將畫交給格洛里亞？西格爾這一步。當畫以郵件快遞的方式到達費城時,格洛里亞看了一眼說:“哈維和我將永遠是好朋友。”

　　要是你想知道這個故事的結局,我可以告訴你。哈維娶了別人,格洛里亞也嫁了他人。畢加索的畫現掛在格洛里亞家的起居室里。

　　這個故事引發了世界各地人們的想象力。專欄文章發表后,我收到了許多信。我最喜歡的一封信來自紐約的一位畫商,他這樣寫道:

　　“你弄得到多少畢加索的畫,我就能給你找到多少對不幸的人兒。有兩個我認識的姑娘要是得不到畢加索的回音幾乎就要自殺了。我還認識格林威治村幾對正處于離婚初級階段的夫妻。 請打電報告訴我你需要多少這樣的人。我們倆也好賺一筆。”

　　另一封信寄自倫敦的巴德？格羅斯曼,他說:“我妻子威脅說要離開我,除非我能給她搞到赫魯曉夫的簽名。她想讓他把名字簽在一件俄羅斯的紫貂皮大衣上。”

　　*阿爾特？布赫瓦爾德（Art Buchwald, 1925—）美國幽默語言大師,美國藝術與文學院院士,曾獲普例策獎。舊版的《大學英語》精讀課本曾選用過他的“Ts There Life on Earth？”