They also had a basic philosophical difference about whether aesthetic tastes were fundamentally individual, as Redse believed, or universal and could be taught, as Jobs believed. She accused him of being too influenced by the Bauhaus movement. “Steve believed it was our job to teach people aesthetics, to teach people what they should like,” she recalled. “I don’t share that perspective. I believe when we listen deeply, both within ourselves and to each other, we are able to allow what’s innate and true to emerge.”

他們還有一個哲學層面的根本分歧，萊德斯認為審美品位是個人的事情，而喬布斯認為有一個理想的統一的美的標準，人們應該被教育。她說他受包豪斯運動的影響太大。“史蒂夫認為我們應該對大家進行美學教育，告訴人們他們應該喜歡什么，”她回憶說，“我不認同這種想法。我認為如果我們認真地傾聽，無論對自己還是對其他人，就可以讓我們內心深處真實的東西浮現出來。”

When they were together for a long stretch, things did not work out well. But when they were apart, Jobs would pine for her. Finally, in the summer of 1989, he asked her to marry him. She couldn’t do it. It would drive her crazy, she told friends. She had grown up in a volatile household, and her relationship with Jobs bore too many similarities to that environment. They were opposites who attracted, she said, but the combination was too combustible. “I could not have been a good wife to ‘Steve Jobs,’ the icon,” she later explained. “I would have sucked at it on many levels. In our personal interactions, I couldn’t abide his unkindness. I didn’t want to hurt him, yet I didn’t want to stand by and watch him hurt other people either. It was painful and exhausting.”

如果他們長時間在一起，就相處不好。但當他們分開后，喬布斯又會對她思念不已。最終，1989年的夏天，他向她求婚。而她無法接受。她告訴朋友，那會讓她發瘋的。她在一個不和睦的家庭長大，而她與喬布斯的關系卻與之表現出太多的相似。他們是異質相吸，她說，但是這種組合太易燃了。“對于史蒂夫·喬布斯這樣一個標志性人物，我不會是個好妻子，”她后來解釋說，“我可能經常會搞砸。在我們相處時，我受不了他的不仁慈。我不想傷害他，但我也不想站在一邊看著他傷害別人。那很痛苦，很累。”

After they broke up, Redse helped found OpenMind, a mental health resource network in California. She happened to read in a psychiatric manual about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and decided that Jobs perfectly met the criteria. “It fits so well and explained so much of what we had struggled with, that I realized expecting him to be nicer or less self-centered was like expecting a blind man to see,” she said. “It also explained some of the choices he’d made about his daughter Lisa at that time. I think the issue is empathy—the capacity for empathy is lacking.”

他們分手后，萊德斯幫助建立了OpoiMind網站，這是加利福尼亞一個精神健康資源網絡。她碰巧讀到了一本關于“自戀人格障礙”的精神病學手冊，發現喬布斯完全符合其中的描述。“簡直太符合了，充分解釋了我們曾經面臨的難題，這讓我認識到，期待他更友善或別那么以自我為中心，就像期待一個盲人可以看見世界一樣。”她說，“這也解釋了當時他對他女兒麗薩的一些做法。我想問題出在憐憫心上——他缺失了憐憫的能力。”

Redse later married, had two children, and then divorced. Every now and then Jobs would openly pine for her, even after he was happily married. And when he began his battle with cancer, she got in touch again to give support. She became very emotional whenever she recalled their relationship. “Though our values clashed and made it impossible for us to have the relationship we once hoped for,” she told me, “the care and love I felt for him decades ago has continued.” Similarly, Jobs suddenly started to cry one afternoon as he sat in his living room reminiscing about her. “She was one of the purest people I’ve ever known,” he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. “There was something spiritual about her and spiritual about the connection we had.” He said he always regretted that they could not make it work, and he knew that she had such regrets as well. But it was not meant to be. On that they both agreed.

萊德斯后來結婚了，有了兩個孩子，然后離婚了。一直以來，喬布斯都會時不時地公開表達對她的思念，即使是在他幸福地結婚之后。當他開始跟癌癥斗爭之后，她又跟他恢復了聯絡，給他支持。每當她回憶起他們的相戀，都會很動情。“雖然我們的價值觀有沖突，讓我們沒辦法像曾經希望的那樣在一起，”她告訴我，“可我幾十年前對他的關心和愛卻一直持續下來。”同樣，一個下午，喬布斯在他的起居室里回憶起她時，突然哭了起來。“她是我見過的最純潔的人，”他說著，淚水從他的臉頰滾落，“她身上有種靈魂的力量，我們之間精神相通。”他說他一直很遺憾他們沒能走下去，他知道她也同樣感到遺憾。但這是命中注定的。他們兩人對此亦有共識。