Living in the house at times rekindled the physical relationship between Brennan and Jobs, and within a few months she was pregnant. “Steve and I were in and out of a relationship for five years before I got pregnant,” she said. “We didn’t know how to be together and we didn’t know how to be apart.” When Greg Calhoun hitchhiked from Colorado to visit them on Thanksgiving 1977, Brennan told him the news: “Steve and I got back together, and now I’m pregnant, but now we are on again and off again, and I don’t know what to do.”

同在一個屋檐下，克里斯安·布倫南和喬布斯有時候會欲火重燃。幾個月后，她懷孕了。“在我懷孕前，史蒂夫和我的關系已經斷斷續續維持了5年，”她說，“我們不知道怎樣在一起，也不知道怎樣分開。”1977年的感恩節，格雷格·卡爾霍恩搭便車從科羅拉多州來拜訪他們，布倫南把懷孕的事情告訴了他。她說：“之前史蒂夫和我復合了，現在我懷孕了，但我們的關系又開始時斷時續，我不知道該怎么辦。”

Calhoun noticed that Jobs was disconnected from the whole situation. He even tried to convince Calhoun to stay with them and come to work at Apple. “Steve was just not dealing with Chrisann or the pregnancy,” he recalled. “He could be very engaged with you in one moment, but then very disengaged. There was a side to him that was frighteningly cold.”

卡爾霍恩注意到，喬布斯對此毫不關心。他甚至還想勸說卡爾霍恩留下來和他們住在一起，然后去蘋果公司工作。“史蒂夫根本不管克里斯安和她懷孕的事情，”他說，“他有時候會非常關心你，但之后又完全不管不顧。他的性格中有一面冷漠得嚇人。”

When Jobs did not want to deal with a distraction, he sometimes just ignored it, as if he could will it out of existence. At times he was able to distort reality not just for others but even for himself. In the case of Brennan’s pregnancy, he simply shut it out of his mind. When confronted, he would deny that he knew he was the father, even though he admitted that he had been sleeping with her. “I wasn’t sure it was my kid, because I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one she was sleeping with,” he told me later. “She and I were not really even going out when she got pregnant. She just had a room in our house.” Brennan had no doubt that Jobs was the father. She had not been involved with Greg or any other men at the time.

當喬布斯不想被一件事情分散注意力的時候，他就會完全忽略它，就好像此事完全不存在一樣。有時候，他不僅能對別人扭曲現實，甚至能對自己也扭曲現實。在布倫南懷孕這件事上，他就筒單地讓自己置身事外。遭到質問的時候，他就說并不知道自己是孩子的父親，盡管他承認自己和布倫南上過床。“我不確定那就是我的孩子，因為我確信，跟她上過床的不光我一個人，”他后來告訴我，“她懷孕的時候我們倆都不算是真正在交往。她不過是住在我們的房子里而已。”布倫南確定孩子就是喬布斯的。那段時期她沒有跟格雷格或其他男人有過交集。

Was he lying to himself, or did he not know that he was the father? “I just think he couldn’t access that part of his brain or the idea of being responsible,” Kottke said. Elizabeth Holmes agreed: “He considered the option of parenthood and considered the option of not being a parent, and he decided to believe the latter. He had other plans for his life.”

他是在欺騙自己呢，還是真的不知道自己就是孩子的父親？“我認為他就是不想去想這事兒或承擔責任。”科特基猜測。伊麗莎白·霍姆斯同意這一說法。“他考慮過到底要不要承擔起一個父親的責任，但最終還是決定放棄。他對人生有其他規劃。”

There was no discussion of marriage. “I knew that she was not the person I wanted to marry, and we would never be happy, and it wouldn’t last long,” Jobs later said. “I was all in favor of her getting an abortion, but she didn’t know what to do. She thought about it repeatedly and decided not to, or I don’t know that she ever really decided—I think time just decided for her.” Brennan told me that it was her choice to have the baby: “He said he was fine with an abortion but never pushed for it.” Interestingly, given his own background, he was adamantly against one option. “He strongly discouraged me putting the child up for adoption,” she said.

結婚自然更不用考慮。“我知道她不是我想娶的那個人，我們在一起不會快樂，婚姻也不會維系太久，”喬布斯后來說，“我希望她能把孩子拿掉，但她有些不知所措。她反復思考之后，打算留下孩子，其實我也不知道她的決定到底是怎樣的——我想是時間替她作出了決定吧。”布倫南告訴我，留下孩子是她自己的選擇：“他說他贊成墮胎，但并沒有逼迫我。”有趣的是，鑒于自己的身世，喬布斯卻堅決反對一種做法，布倫南說：“他強烈阻止我把孩子送人領養。”

There was a disturbing irony. Jobs and Brennan were both twenty-three, the same age that Joanne Schieble and Abdulfattah Jandali had been when they had Jobs. He had not yet tracked down his biological parents, but his adoptive parents had told him some of their tale. “I didn’t know then about this coincidence of our ages, so it didn’t affect my discussions with Chrisann,” he later said. He dismissed the notion that he was somehow following his biological father’s pattern of getting his girlfriend pregnant when he was twenty-three, but he did admit that the ironic resonance gave him pause. “When I did find out that he was twenty-three when he got Joanne pregnant with me, I thought, whoa!”

還有一個很諷剌的巧合。喬布斯和布倫南當時都是23歲，而喬安妮·席貝爾和阿卜杜勒法塔赫·錢德里也是在23歲這年有了喬布斯。喬布斯還沒有找自己的親生父母，但他已經從養父母那里知道了一些情況。“那時候我并不知道年齡上的巧合，所以它沒有影響到我和克里斯安對此事的討論。”他后來說。他否認自己沿襲了生父在23歲那年逃避現實和責任的行事風格，但也承認這個頗為諷刺的巧合讓他十分震驚。“當我發現喬安妮也是23歲懷上我的時候，我想——天哪！”