Passage 47 Dating with My Mother
After 22 years of marriage,I have discovered the secret to keep love and intimacy alive in my relationship with my wife, Peggy: I started dating with another woman. It was Peggy's idea, actually, "you know you love her," she said one day, taking me in surprise. The other woman my wife was encouraging me to date is my mother, a 72—year—old widow who has lived alone since my father died 20 years ago. I had promised myself that I would spend more time with mom. But with the demands of my job and three kids, I never got around to seeing her much beyond family get—togethers and holidays. She was surprised and suspicious, when I called and suggested the two of us go out to dinner and a movie. She thinks anything out of the ordinary signals bad news. "I thought it would be nice to spend some time with you," I said, "Just the two of us." "I would like that a lot," she said.
We didn't go anywhere fancy, just a neighborhood place where we could talk. My mother clutched my arm, half out of affection and half to help her negotiate the restaurant steps. Since her eyes now see only large shapes and shadows, I had to read the menu for both of us. "I used to be the reader when you were little," my mother smiled. I understood what she was saying. From care—giver to cared—for, from cared—for to care—giver, our relationship had come full circle. "Then it is time for you to relax and let me return the favor." I said. We had a nice talk over dinner. We talked for so long that we missed the movie. "I will go out with you again." My mother said as I dropped her off, "but only if you let me buy dinner next time." I agreed. Now Mom and I got out for dinner a couple of times a month.