Unit 30
　　Lying to a Loved One
　　What are the benefits of lying to a loved one? Whether we like it or not, our relationships are held together, not only by telling the truth, but also by knowing how and when to lie. And if the truth be told, our close relationships could not work without some degree of deception. No one want to hear everything, and telling the right lie at the rigt time is just as important as telling the truth when it comes to love and romance.
　　The most painful and hurtful thing you can do to someone usually involves telling the truth. Typically, the best way to hurt someone is by being completely honest -- tell a romantic partner something that he or she does not want to hear. For instance, would any one want to hear the following:
　　You are not as attractive as you used to be.
　　I sometimes think about someone else during sex.
　　I sometimes wonder if we should be together.
　　I have a crush on one of our friends.
　　And we are happier and feel close to our romantic partners when we do not have to acknowledge such painful, hurtful truths. In fact, we like it when our partners hide unpleasant facts from us. As long as we are not aware that partners are hiding things, ignorance can be blissful.
　　On the other hand, when we really want to hurt someone we often say what we really think. Anyone who has been involved in a divorce knows first-hand how damaging the truth can be. When people are no longer concerned about keeping a relationship intact, the truth comes out fast and furious and it stings.
　　While telling the truth in a romantic relationship can often lead to a lot of hurt, pain, and suffering, deception is not a luxury; it is an absolute necessity. Deception serves as a "social lubricant," which safely separates romantic partners and their negative thoughts.
　　Deception is often useful when romantic partners ask:
　　What are you thinking about?
　　Where were you?
　　Who were you with?
　　Is the new hire attractive?
　　Did you miss me?
　　Do you love me?
　　Why are you so quiet?
　　Is there anything wrong?