Five You can’t change a child’s behavior by using force!
你不能用武力改變一個小孩的行為！

1 Introduction
In America, children are well protected by law. If parents beat or kick their kids and the police know that, the bruises on the kids can cause the parents to be put in jail. Or sometimes the children will be separated from being with their parents and put in a social service, if the parents maltreat them. Sometimes the parents are punished, even when they have not harmed a child, but the authorities believe the parents have done wrong.
在美國，孩子是受到法律嚴格保護的。如果父母親打傷或踢傷小孩，警察知道后，小孩身上的傷痕就可以使父母親被關進監獄。如果父母親虐待他們的小孩的話，或者有時候小孩不能再和父母親生活在一起，而被送往社會服務機構。有時候即使父母親沒有傷害小孩，但是官方認為有罪的話，父母親還是得受到懲罰。

2 Sample Sentences
1. Have you ever asked your relatives, friends, neighbors, and colleagues at work about what kind of childcare do they use?
你有沒有問過你的親戚朋友、鄰居以及上班的同事，他們是怎么管教小孩的？
2. Does the kindergarten plan activities every day?
幼兒園每天都計劃有活動嗎？
3. Are the children you see absorbed in what they are doing?
你看見的小孩有沒有全神貫注在做他們的事？
4. In general, the more adults there are, the more likely it is that your child will receive individual attention and adequate supervision at all times.
一般來說，那兒成年人越多，你的小孩就更有可能時常被人照看到，被管理得更周全。
5. I know you want to have the feeling of security.
我知道你想有種安全感。
6. Regarding our son’s behavior, I suggest that he be treated with patience, affection, and respect.
關于我們兒子的行為，我建議你耐心照看他、愛他并且尊重他。
7. Doug and Beth often threaten very quickly to punish their son if he behaves differently from their expectations.
道格和貝斯經常很快就威脅懲罰他們的兒子，如果他不聽他們的話。
8. I think you already realize that punishment does not always produce good children, and many times harshness produces maladjusted children.
我想你已經意識到了懲罰并不總是培養出好孩子，很多時候嚴厲導致小孩失調。
9. I assure you that the way to teach our boy to be a good person is for the adults around him to see the good in him.
我敢保證教育我們兒子做個好人的方法就是在他身邊的大人看到他好的方面。
10. Children learn to be happy by learning how to think.
小孩子要想學會做一個快樂的人就是要學會怎么思考。

3 Conversations
1. A Chinese wife is talking to her American husband about their young son’s bad behaviors on the phone.
A: I don’t want you to be worried, but our son has some bad habits now. He says painful words everyday.
B: What words? Can you tell me?
A: He says “kick mommy, beat mommy, don’t want mommy” very quickly if I do something that he doesn’t like. You know, if I wash his face or change his clothes, things like that.
B: Honey, I don’t know what to tell you. Of course Tony is a young child. But do not underestimate1 his ability to learn and reason.
A: Yes, but sometimes he is just not reasonable.
B: I suggest you treat him with patience, affection2, and respect. If he needs to do something, like go to bed, or be washed, etc., please "guide or help" him to get it done, but lead him with gentleness.
A: It’s easy to say, but I will try.
B: Motivate3 Tony to cooperate4 by rewarding5 his good behavior. Do not emphasize punishment for bad moods, etc. Do not threaten6 him with punishment if he resists7 the actions you desire.
A: I know my parents sometimes threaten to punish him. But this doesn’t work; instead he picks up another bad habit.
【譯文】
——我不想讓你擔心，但是我們的兒子現在有些壞習慣了。他每天都說些傷人的話。
——什么話？你能告訴我嗎？
——如果我做什么事他不喜歡，他很快就說“踢媽媽、打媽媽，不要媽媽”。你知道的，像跟他洗臉或者換衣服之類的事。
——親愛的，我不知道該怎么跟你說。當然托尼還是個小孩子。但不要小看他學習、講道理的能力。
——是啊，但是有時候他就是很不講理。
——我建議你多點耐心，愛他，尊重他。如果他需要上床睡覺、或者被清洗之類的，請指引或者幫助他完成，但是一定要溫柔。
——說來很容易，但是我還是會盡量去做。
——要和托尼合作好，你就要獎勵他給他積極性。不要因為壞脾氣就強調要懲罰他。不要因為他不按照你的做就威脅要懲罰他。
——我知道我的父母有時候就威脅要懲罰他。但是這不但不管用，反而他又學多了一個壞習慣。

2. Talking about punishment for young kids.
Chinese: Paul, you were also a parent of young kids before. So, can you tell me what you did when your kids didn’t behave very well?
American: I know Mark is your only child. You may do it differently from what I did. Sometimes I would tap8 their hands when they made troubles.
Chinese: I do it, too. You know, sometimes when we eat, my child would pull a dish towards him and grab9 it with his hands and eat. And if it were something he doesn’t like, he would spit it out and throw it into other dishes. He does it very often. I really get mad. I can’t help spank10 him sometimes.
American: And what does your husband do?
Chinese: My husband is an American. He criticizes me when I do that. He says that I can’t change a child’s behavior by using force. He is learning what I am doing now.
American: But spoiling11 a child is not going to do him good either！ You’ve got to have patience with him and teach him. It’s not easy, I know. It’s hard.
Chinese: Yeah. I’m still learning how to control his behavior and my temper. My child is almost two years old, and I’ve learnt the “distraction” 12 technique when he cries for something.

Additional Information:
Actually parents shouldn’t punish their children too harshly. It depends on what kind of thing the child has done. Besides, the child might break something by accident or he didn’t mean it. We should always give the child a chance to see his own mistakes.
實際上父母親不應該過分懲罰他們的孩子。要看他們做錯了什么事。而且小孩有可能是無意中摔壞了某東西，不是存心的。我們應該永遠給孩子一個機會讓他看清自己的錯誤。

【譯文】
——鮑爾，你以前也是孩子的父親。那么，你能告訴我你的小孩搗亂時你是怎么做的嗎？
——我知道馬克是你唯一的小孩。你可能和我當初做的不一樣。當他們惹禍時，有時候我會輕拍他們的手。
——我也這么做。你知道，有時候我們吃飯，我的小孩會把菜拖到他的面前，用手抓著來吃。而且如果是他不喜歡吃的，他就會吐出來，扔到其他菜里。他經常這樣做。我很氣憤。有時候我忍不住打他的屁股。
——那你丈夫怎么辦？
——我丈夫是個美國人。他批評我那樣做。他說我不能用武力改變一個小孩的行為。他會學我現在所做的。
——但是溺愛小孩也不會對他有什么幫助！你得耐心教他。我知道這并不容易。很難。
——是啊。我還在學習怎么控制他的行為和我的脾氣。我的小孩快兩歲了，當他哭著要某樣東西時，我學會了分散他的注意力。

4 Words and Expressions
1. underestimate 低估; 對...估計不足
2. affection 情愛, 鐘愛
3. motivate 給...動機; 刺激
4. cooperate 合作, 協作
5. reward 獎賞, 報償
6. threaten 威脅, 恐嚇
7. resist 抵抗, 反抗
8. tap 輕拍
9. grab 抓取, 霸占
10. spank (用手掌)打...的屁股
11. spoil 寵壞, 溺愛
12. distraction 分心, 注意力分散