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Mad Mel looked at the mannequin. "Isn't that right, Manny?" asked Mel. "Sorry, Manny. I know it's hard to talk when you're thinking about that awful cafeteria food."
Mel waited for the clapping to stop. Then he said, "Now, Manny. I know you want to say a few words about our candidate, Eugene Beckman. You can go ahead now."
Mel looked out at the audience. "Isn't that touching?" he said. "Manny thinks Eugene's so great that he's all choked up. He can't speak."
As Mel spoke, everyone cheered.
At our meeting that afternoon, Dagny was furious.
"Of all the cheap tricks," she said. "Mel brought in that dummy so that Eugene wouldn't have to speak."
"Hey," Rod said. "That gives me an idea. Let's put up a poster that says: 'Only a dummy would vote for, y'know, Eugene.'"
Everyone roared with laughter. Except me.
"No!" I said. "That's low—really low."
"Suzie, dear," said Dagny. "We would be foolish not to take advantage of this opportunity."
I looked at Dagny and the others. Then I said, "I don't think I can serve on this committee any more."
Dagny smiled. "All right," she said. "I think I've already won the election, anyway."
So I was out. But to my surprise, I didn't care.
As I left, I heard Rod say, "Let's challenge the dummy to a debate."
They must have done that right away. Because when I stopped by Eugene's house early that evening, he had already heard about it.
"They want a, y'know, debate," Eugene said, unhappily. "Mad Mel says we should, y' know, do it." Eugene sighed. "He'll do all the, y' know, talking with the dummy."
"Eugene," I said. "Listen. You know you've got this problem. Why don't we work on it, so you can do your own talking?"
"Do you, y'know, think I could?"
"Let's try," I said.
We did. Eugene and I spent the whole weekend working. He practiced speaking without saying "y'know." But it was hard.
The debate was very important. Each candidate was given one final chance to state his or her goals. Dagny was first. She ended with, "And if you elect me, I will see to it that Haskell High's trophies are put in a case for all to see."
Then it was Eugene's turn. Mel stood up. He headed toward the mike. He was dragging the mannequin. Suddenly I sensed trouble. Dagny and her friends were smiling slyly at each other.
Mel didn't notice. He looked so pleased with himself. I knew then that Eugene was right. This was just a big game to Mel.
Mel was about to speak. But then the dummy itself began speaking. Someone must have planted a speaker somewhere in its clothing. They must have taped Eugene's voice because all you could hear was Eugene's voice coming from the dummy saying over and over, "And if I am elected, y'know, y'know, y'know."
The audience broke up with laughter. Eugene looked shocked. Shaken, he smiled and walked up to the microphone.
"I guess it's time for the real dummy to speak," he said. "You must have thought I had lost my voice. Well, now you know where it is." He pointed at the mannequin, and everybody laughed.
Eugene straightened his shoulders. Then he said, "In a campaign, it's easy to see only the tricks and lose sight of the real issues. I'm not even sure what the real issues are, but I think they should address what is best for those of us here at Haskell."
Eugene paused. Then he said, "I don't know if I'd make a good president, I've never been one before. But I can promise you that if elected I'll, y'know, do my very best."
He smiled again and sat down. Only one "y'know" in the whole speech!
There was a lot of cheering then. Nobody had ever made a speech like that before, and the kids loved it.
Eugene spotted me in the crowd. He said, "Thanks, Suzie."
We walked home together after school that afternoon. "If I'm elected," he said, "I'm really going to, y'know, need you around next year."
We stopped, and he smiled at me. Suddenly, I forgot that I had known him all my life. It was as if I were seeing him for the first time.
"I think we 'll be seeing a lot of one another from now on, Suzie," he said softly. "Is that all right with you?"
Was that all right with me? "Do birds fly?" I said. "Is the sky blue?"
When I said that, Eugene looked at me. "Suzie," he said. "You've got this, y'know, problem. Why don't we work on it?"
