評論
打印
Unit 18 Dating Other Couples
第18篇 夫婦二人行拓展交際圈
0ne of the many great things about being married or with a partner is not having to worry about meeting and dating new people-or so one might have thought. As Elizabeth Bernstein points out in her Bonds column in today's Personal Journal section, "couples dating" brings a whole new set of issues as the partners try to meet suitable friends.
己婚或有固定伴侶的重要好處之一就是你再也不必為和陌生人見面約會而傷神了。或者說，你可能會這么以為。但正如伊麗莎白·伯恩斯坦(Elizabeth Bernstein)在她的最新專欄文章中所指出來的那樣，當(dāng)你結(jié)婚后，你們夫妻二人與另外一對夫婦為交友而進行的“夫妻約會”將帶來一系列全新的問題。
Take the experience of Ben Houten and his wife, who've "dated" an array of couples since moving to Grand Rapids, Mich.，three years ago: They had one "date" where the woman was self-absorbed, another, Mr. Van Houten recalls, where the man was "a complete dud with no sense of humor," and a third that was ruined by politics. When Mr. Van Houten got up his nerve and asked a neighbor and his wife out to dinner，the man replied，"I don't like people. "
伊麗莎白講述了本·霍登夫婦的經(jīng)歷。當(dāng)他們3年前剛剛搬到密歇根州大急流域時，他們二人"約會"了多對夫妻。霍登回憶道，在他們當(dāng)中，有一對中的妻子一切以自我為中心，第二對中的那個丈夫是個十足的悶葫蘆，一點兒幽默感都沒有，第三對則被政治給毀了。還有一次霍登鼓足勇氣約一對鄰居夫婦外出就餐，那位丈夫的回答居然是“我不喜歡人。”
And the date, Elizabeth says, is merely where the stress begins. "Because what if they don't cal1? Should you contact them? And if you do, and you still don't hear back, what does that say about your relationship with your partner? Are you irritating? Insufferable? Uninteresting as a team?"
伊麗莎白說，這樣的約會成了壓力的開始。因為你總會想“如果他們不打電話怎么辦？你是否應(yīng)該聯(lián)系他們？如果你聯(lián)系了他們，卻還是得不到回應(yīng)，那么這對四人關(guān)系意味著什么呢？你們是不是會惹人討厭，讓人難以忍受？還是乏味的一對？”
After reading Elizabeth's tales of couples who suffered through dates where a wife licked cheese off a knife, or where one spouse asked the other if it was time to "go sleepy in the beddie"-and if you think back to your own couples-date mishaps-your might wonder why it's worth it at all. But looking around at your group of friends，whom you no longer need to date，tells the story.
讀者還會在伊麗莎白的文章里看到有些夫婦在“約會”時行為不當(dāng)，一位妻子舔掉了刀上的奶酶，還有一位丈夫則當(dāng)眾問太太現(xiàn)在是不是該“睡覺覺”了；再聯(lián)想自己交友經(jīng)歷中的糗事，你或許會自間經(jīng)歷這一切是否值得。但是看看你身邊那些你無需去主動約會、已成為你朋友的人們，你就明白了其中價值。
"Research shows that couples who are friends with other couples have happier, longer-lasting relationships with each other," Elizabeth writes. The reasons are simple. If you have friends who enjoy you as a couple, you may feel better about your union. These other couples can be a support network. And the process of making new friends together may inject energy into your relationship and give you something to bond over.
伊麗莎白寫道，調(diào)查顯示，如果夫妻二人有其他夫婦為友，那么他們兩者間的關(guān)系更快樂、更持久。她說原因很簡單，因為如果有朋友接納、欣賞你和你的伴侶，那么你會對自己的另一半感覺更好，這些小家庭之間可以構(gòu)成一個支撐網(wǎng) s而且夫妻共同的交友過程會給兩人的關(guān)系注人能量，鞏固你們的紐帶。
My wife and I were fortunate to develop a great group of friends soon after moving to the suburbs six years ago. 0ur initial couple's dates went so smoothly that I don't really remember them as dates, per se, and since the initial getting-to-know you phase we've become so close that we just booked a vacation house for next summer that five families will share (10 adults and 11 kids!).
在6年前搬到郊區(qū)居住后，我和我太太很幸運地結(jié)交了不少朋友。起初，我們和其他夫婦的交往進展得非常順利，以致于我?guī)缀鯖]把它們歸結(jié)為“約會”。大家在經(jīng)過了一開始的互相了解階段后就打成了一片，我們5家人剛剛為明年夏天預(yù)訂了度假屋，想想看，共有 10個成人、 11個孩子!
On the other hand， we've had some couples dates that didn't seem 10 take. A while back we had a great dinner at the home of a couple who were new to our church. We laughed, shared personal stories and seemingly bonded-the question was not whether we'd next get together, but when. The when turns out to be about two years and counting, and I'm not really sure why. Just one of those things.
另一方面，我們也有一些不了了之、彷佛從來不曾發(fā)生過的交友經(jīng)歷。我們曾經(jīng)在一對新教友家中享用了一頓非常棒的晚餐。我們有說有笑、分享個人故事，似乎建立起了友誼，問題不是我們是否要再見面，而是什么時候再聚。可是到現(xiàn)在一晃兩年過去了，我也不知道我們?yōu)槭裁丛僖矝]有了下文。這只是類似的事情之一。
What have your couples-dating experiences been like? Have you made good friends that way-or had some horror stories?
你們有試圖和其他夫婦交友的經(jīng)歷嗎？你們是不是由此找到了好朋友，或是有什么令人不快的故事？
