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If you don't believe that it pays to think before you speak, let me show you what a difference the right language tweakcan make。
如果你不相信三思而后言的說法，那就讓我來告訴你“說對話”和“說錯話”的區(qū)別有多大。
You know the difference between "I need more help around the house" and "You're so lazy," right? One is artful diplomacythe other, like bringing in the tanks. But the strategy involved in getting your point across also applies to individual words. For instance, if you're.。。
“我需要你幫忙收拾下屋子”和“你真是懶死了”，這兩句話的區(qū)別你總能分辨得出來吧？前者是帶有藝術(shù)感的外交辭令，后者則是挑起罵戰(zhàn)的說法。不過，把話說到點子上的策略可以具體到每個用詞上，比如：
...Offering constructive criticism
想要提供建設(shè)性意見
Instead of: "You did a nice job, but the report needs to be finished."
與其說：“你做得不錯，但是記得把報告做完。”
Try: "You did a nice job, and the report needs to be finished."
不如說：“你做得不錯，也請記得把報告做完。”
The subtext: No matter how positive the first part of the statement, the “but” negatesit. “But” might as well stand for “Beholdthe Underlying Truth”. Once people hear it, they're just waiting for the bad news。
潛臺詞：無論首句表達的意思多么積極，只要用了“但是”就否定了一切。一旦說話中出現(xiàn)了“但是”，就表示“注意說話人的話中話”。因此，一旦人們聽到了“但是”，他們就會等著聽后面的壞消息了。
...Asking your spouse to change a behavior
想要請求伴侶做出改變
Instead of: "Will you stop smoking for my sake?"
與其說：“你能不能為了我戒煙？”
Try: "Will you stop smoking for the sake of the kids?"
不如說：“你能不能為了孩子戒煙？”
The subtext: Your spousemay resentyour wanting to change his ways—and use that resentment as an excuse not to change. Putting the focus on a third party removes you from the equation. And focusing on children makes people think in terms of their ideal selves。
潛臺詞：你的伴侶可能已經(jīng)厭煩了你總是期望他能改變，然后就用這種厭煩情緒來作為拒絕改變的借口。既然如此，那就就把焦點放在第三方，讓自己從等式的兩邊擺脫出來。而把焦點放在孩子身上，會使人產(chǎn)生一種變成“理想的我”的想法。
...Presenting a problem to your boss
想要向老板提出問題
Instead of: "They have issues with the sales staff."
與其說：“他們覺得銷售人員有問題。”
Try: "We have issues with the sales staff."
不如說：“我們覺得銷售人員有問題。”
The subtext: Replacing “they” with “we” can change your outlookand the viewpoint of others. After all, if we're not part of the solution, we're part of the problem。
潛臺詞：用“我們”來代替“他們”可以改變你的立場和其他人的觀點。畢竟，如果我們不是解決問題的一方，那就是制造問題的一方了。
...Trying to make someone see your side
想要別人理解你的觀點
Instead of: "I know you wanted to surprise me, but changing our plans without warning me was stupid."
與其說：“我知道你想給我一個驚喜，但是不事先通知我們就改變計劃，這么做很愚蠢。”
Try: "I know you wanted to surprise me, but changing our plans without warning me was not helpful."
不如說：“我知道你想給我一個驚喜，但是不事先通知我們就改變計劃，這么做幫助不大。”
The subtext: As President Obama learned the hard way this summer in discussing the arrestof Henry Louis Gates Jr., stupid is an inflammatoryword. Rather than labeling others' actions, conveythe effect of those actions。
潛臺詞：奧巴馬總統(tǒng)在今年夏天關(guān)于小亨利-路易斯-蓋茨被鋪一事中學(xué)到的慘痛教訓(xùn)就是，“愚蠢”是一個具有煽動性的詞匯。與其給別人的行動貼上標簽，不如客觀地表達這些行為背后的影響。
