本期作文題目：

　　You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
　　Write a memo of 40-50 words:
　　informing staff of the shutdown
　　 telling them when it will happen
　　asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.

　　老師提示：

　　商務(wù)寫作中遵循的原則是：簡(jiǎn)潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經(jīng)給出，所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當(dāng)，一針見血，語(yǔ)法正確，不出低級(jí)錯(cuò)誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫作，所以在句子選擇上可以適當(dāng)放寬，不必太正式。

　　網(wǎng)友作文一：

　　MEMORANDUM
　　from : Tom TO : all staff
　　date : 25/8
　　Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .
　　I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]
　　TOM

　　名師修改意見：
　
　　[1]Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)，看起來(lái)不夠?qū)I(yè)，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....
　　[2]有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
　　[3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計(jì)劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.

　　網(wǎng)友作文二：

　　From: office manager
　　To: all staff
　　Subject: the company system
　　I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
　　Thank you.[5]

　　名師修改意見：
　　
　　[1]去掉這個(gè)開頭，直接用被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)開頭。
　　[2]去掉，多余了。
　　[3]如果你不能保證用長(zhǎng)復(fù)句可以表達(dá)清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個(gè)短句也許表達(dá)更貼切呢。
　　[4]這句話看起來(lái)非常不清楚，主語(yǔ)在哪里?please 的后面是嗎?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
　　[5]另?yè)Q一行
　　
　　網(wǎng)友作文三：

　　Dear all:
　　The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.
　　It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]
　　Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

　　名師修改意見：　
　
　　[1]夠干練了，語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤多。 Be shut down
　　[2]去掉
　　[3]Access to
　　[4]On it?
　　
　　網(wǎng)友作文四：

　　From: office Manager
　　To: all staff
　　Subject: upgarde of computer system
　　As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.

　　名師修改意見：　　

　　[1]第一: 不要重復(fù)使用前面已經(jīng)用過(guò)的詞;第二：指代錯(cuò)誤，前面說(shuō)的system 是單數(shù)，怎么到這里變成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.