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新GRE高分作文的點睛之筆

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  GRE作文僅靠背模板與句子是不夠的,需要我們從根本上提高寫作水平。中國考生寫作文往往會出現一些邏輯性錯誤,而GRE寫作最看重的也是邏輯思維能力。以下是名師對GRE作文的點評以及寫作建議,希望對各位考生有所幫助。

  Issue 9

  "Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are entirely harmless, they in fact, prevent people from developingsintostruly strong and independent individuals."

  Do modern luxuries serve to undermine our true strength and independence as individuals? The speaker believes so, and I tend to agree. Consider the automobile, for example. Most people consider the automobile a necessity rather than a luxury; yet it is for this very reason that the automobile so aptly supports the speaker‘s point. To the extent that we depend on cars as crutches, they prevent us from becoming truly independent and strong in character as individuals.

  可借鑒之處:開頭啟用了一個非常醒目的問句,這是最能吸引批卷者視線也是高分作文的表現!

  Consider first the effect of the automobile on our independence as individuals. In some respects the automobile serves to enhance such independence. For example, cars make it possible for people in isolated and depressed areas without public transportation to become more independent by pursuing gainful employment outside their communities. And teenagers discover that owning a car, or even borrowing one on occasion, affords them a needed sense of independence from their parents.

  此段主要是為下一段的駁論作鋪墊。

  精華:Consider first...

  in some respects...=in some cases, to some extent

  注意afford的用法

  However, cars have diminished our independence in a number of more significant respects.

  We've grown dependent on our cars for commuting to work. We rely on them like crutches for short trips to the corner store, and for carting our children to and from school. Moreover, the car has become a means not only to our assorted physical destinations but also to the attainment of our socioeconomic goals, insofar as the automobile has become a symbol of status. In fact, in my observation many, if not most, working professionals willingly undermine their financial security for the sake of being seen driving this year's new SUV or luxury sedan. In short, we've become slaves to the automobile.

  精華:diminish our independence in a number of more significant respects

  注意not only…but also的用法

  沒有什么驚天地泣鬼神的事例,但卻能用平常生活中的點滴起到說理的作用,此法值得借鑒。

  Consider next the overall impact of the automobile on our strength as individuals, by which I mean strength of character, or mettle. I would be hard-pressed to list one way in which the automobile enhances one‘s strength of character. Driving a powerful SUV might afford a person a feeling and appearance of strength, or machismo(男人氣魄). But this feeling has nothing to do with a person's true character. In contrast, there is a certain strength of character that comes with eschewing modern conveniences such as cars, and with the knowledge that one is contributing to a cleaner and quieter environment, a safer neighborhood, and arguably a more genteel society. Also, alternative modes of transportation such as bicycling and walking are forms of exercise which require and promote the virtue of self-discipline. Finally, in my observation people who have forsaken the automobile spend more time at home,swheresthey are more inclined to prepare and even grow their own food, and to spend more time with their families. The former enhances one's independence; the latter enhances the integrity of one's values and the strength of one's family.精華:contribute to Consider next...Also,...Finally,...in my observation...

  Be inclined to do sth. = cling to do sth. = intend to do sth. = be apt to do / aptly do sth.

  一種比較簡單易行的對比/類比:The former…the latter…

  To sum up, the automobile helps illustrate that when a luxury becomes a necessity it can sap(注意此位gre常考單詞) our independence and strength as individuals. Perhaps our society is better off, on balance, with such "luxuries" after all, the automobile industry has created countless jobs, raised our standard of living, and made the world more interesting. However, by becoming slaves to the automobile we trade off(= sacrifice) a certain independence and inner strength.

  此文章得分應該是5分了。為什么?首先,頭尾都不錯;其次,全文無太多的語法錯誤,表意清晰,舉例恰到好處;再次,分析手法運用了不完全否定的同意的辯論方式,這是最保守的做法。

  希望以上GRE作文指導能夠對大家的GRE寫作有所幫助。GRE作文考試不是一個能夠通過臨時抱佛腳的方式來準備的考試,考生應提前做好詳盡的計劃,然后每天踏實認真的進行復習。

重點單詞   查看全部解釋    
certain ['sə:tn]

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adj. 確定的,必然的,特定的
pron.

 
aptly ['æptli]

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adv. 適當地,適宜地,巧妙地

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cling [kliŋ]

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n. 緊抓,緊貼
vi. 粘緊,附著,緊貼

 
diminished [di'miniʃt]

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adj. 減退了的;減弱的 v. 減少;削弱(dimin

 
depressed [di'prest]

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adj. 沮喪的,降低的,不景氣的,蕭條的,凹陷的,扁平

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transportation [.trænspə'teiʃən]

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n. 運輸,運輸系統,運輸工具

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dependent [di'pendənt]

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adj. 依靠的,依賴的,從屬的
n.

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necessity [ni'sesiti]

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n. 需要,必需品,必然

 
appearance [ə'piərəns]

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n. 外表,外貌,出現,出場,露面

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virtue ['və:tju:]

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n. 美德,德行,優點,貞操

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