Hi, everyone. And welcome back to Happy Hour. 歡迎回來酒館. Hi, 安瀾.

Hi, Lulu, hi, everyone.

But having said that, language is not really a problem for me, yes, language wise not a problem, but culturally, you know you guys like to be super sarcastic.

That's true.

I understand that, I get it, I just don't like it. And that's just not my habit. 就是英國人很陰陽的, 他們陰陽的時候我是聽上去有點不爽的.

And there are also many hidden rules, oh exactly, small talk and all that.

That's why in certain cultures I don't like when people are too direct, that makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I see, would you say that you're an introvert then? 是I人么？

I would say I'm pretty introverted, I'm an introverted extrovert. So for my work and basically for my everyday life, I have to be quite extrovert; but I would probably lean more to being an introvert.

You are happy to be left alone.

I wouldn’t say happy to be left alone. But I have a very clear idea of my own boundaries, my own idea of personal space.

Personal space and boundaries. That is a big thing.

Yeah, so it's not so much that I don't like talking to people, but I am very clear on what is my own personal space, what are my own boundaries, what I'm comfortable with and what I'm uncomfortable with.

Speaking about that, these are basically social norms, right? The hidden rules of social interaction. I had this really bad experience in the UK, it's quite awkward experience as an older gentleman. It's like family friends so to speak. And then so at this social gathering, he was like “how are you? Hi, lulu “, he has met me before like, “hi lulu, how are you?”.

So because I wasn't feeling well. So I just basically said I just told him the truth. I'm like “I've been sniffling. So I haven't really been feeling that well, I think I'm coming down with a cold.”

And then he was smiling at me, and he was very condescending saying to me it’s like oh yeah, by the way, usually in the UK, when we ask how are you? It's just like exchange of pleasantries, a bit of a jerky thing to say.

Yeah, I would say that's not so much about cultural norms. That's just...

Yeah, but the fact that he said that was quite rude. However, this is what people think.

Yes.

You would never actually say that.

Probably not.

I mean when people ask you how are you, you would never say what I said? No, this is like in the UK when you're having a meal in a restaurant, when a waiter or waitress comes over and they say “is everything OK with your meal?” and everyone goes “Great. Thanks. Lovely. Thank you, honey.”

Well Yeah. We do do that a lot.

It's like a knee jerk reaction(下意識反應：指在沒有深思熟慮的情況下做出的反應，通常是出于本能或情緒的驅使。) with you guys.

It is.

It is auto pilot.

Yeah, we just don't know what else to say.

And I also find that if you become too direct with British, for example, and people feel it's almost like they were a bit shocked.

Because we don't know how to deal with it. That's why I feel uncomfortable when people to direct with me because I can't respond. I don't know how to respond. Yeah. It's like, for example, if I feel that somebody is not being polite to me, then I don't know how to respond to that. Should I continue to be polite or should I kind of match that person...?

Exactly, that's... you were talking about the essence of culture shock, it’s all of these cultural signs, verbal, nonverbal, they're just all messed up. So you don't know where to start and how do you arrange your life anymore. Yeah exactly. You feel disoriented and confused.

Yes.

And the other thing is if you are actually there to work or to study, the work ethics and the school culture is also very difficult.

Very, very different. And we're not just talking about culture shock between countries, even between different companies.

Yeah. Exactly.

You talk about company culture or (there's also a culture shock) university culture. It is also a degree of culture shock because you just don't know what's the best way to go about things.

Exactly. For example, for some culture when a boss says something, if a boss criticizes you about your work, he might also be criticizing you because he's unsatisfied with you in other ways, he's just using that as an excuse.

But in some culture, when they're criticizing your work, your project, they're just focusing on the business itself. They probably really like you as a person.

Yeah, I would say that's probably true.

So that’s that. And also obviously the daily routines, the rules on public transport, shopping habits, or even tipping customs.

They all are very, very different. And this is one thing that always gets me is about tipping.

When I go to a new cultures like I never know how much to tip and whether or not I should tip, and I feel really uncomfortable because I don't wanna feel like that they think oh yes, this is a really generous tourist; but then again I don't want them to think oh he's this really cheap tourist. I never know really what to do.

To be honest why would you care.

Well True. It's like I was in Morocco last month, and I actually ran out of money my last day. I had enough to get to the airport, I paid for everything, but I didn't have enough money to tip.

So the guy who dropped me off at the airport, I made this whole thing where he stopped the car, he opened up the boot. I ran to get my case out and took my case out. And then just by the time we got there, I was saying thank you so much. Bye bye. Because I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't tip...

You're one of those...you are easily embarrassed. I've seen you... you basically are so terrified of committing any social faux pas. (法語詞匯，在英語中，它用來指在社交場合中違反禮儀或行為規范的失禮行為或失誤。這些錯誤可能包括說錯話、行為不得體、穿著不當、冒犯他人或違反社交習俗等。)

That is true. But having said all of that, I'm sure some of you would be like, no, not me, I would never experience culture shock or I have never experienced culture shock and I have traveled to places.

Well, it could be, because you were not there long enough if you were just a traveler, chances are you don't even reach the first stage or the second stage of culture shock.

So let's talk about the stages of culture shock. This is actually very interesting.

So the first stage is called The Honeymoon Stage.

The Honeymoon State, yeah. It's like when two people first got together and it's all lovey dovey. So pink bubbles everywhere. Wow, this country is great, we really want to live here.

So excited. This place is brilliant, the culture is amazing, the food is good, it's all so new and so exciting that normally lasts anywhere between 6 weeks to 3 months normally.

Yeah, for some people is not that long to be honest, for some people is probably just like for my mom, my mom has traveled to many different places, I think for her it only lasts like 2 weeks tops, and probably she gets really frustrated.

Yeah, which is the next stage Frustration.

Or it's also called Morning after, yeah, 就是如夢初醒.

So that's when you start feeling homesick, you start feeling frustrated, and you feel overwhelmed by the differences, because every single day you have to think about what you need to do, what you need to say, particularly if you're speaking another language.

So for example, even simple tasks become a bit of a chore because you have to put in so much more effort than you would in your own Country.

Exactly. Like if in the first stage, the honeymoon stage, you only focus on the good side of this new culture. This stage in the morning after, the frustration stage, you only focus on the bad things and you think everything's bad in this country. Why would I come here? I wanna go home.

And that's where a lot of people get stuck.

Exactly. I actually got stuck in that for a while in the UK, and I slipped into a depression. And that is without any language barriers.

No, so some people at this stage, they either just go back to their own country or they just withdraw themselves. So they continue to live in the culture, but they don't actually meaningfully interact with the culture.

Or they just shoot videos of ... 吐槽 videos on TikTok.

Yeah, exactly. And you sometimes see this as well where people they just only hang out with other expats, exactly, other people from their cultures.

Yeah.

But then there are also many people who would get over that and go into Adjustment Stage where they start to see the pros and cons in both cultures.

They start to adapt to new culture and they start to understand why things happen in this way. So this is a very important stage because this is when you're not idolizing the culture but you're not also 吐槽 all the time .

Yeah, and then comes Acceptance.

Yes.

Then you start to see the culture as it is. It's just another culture. It's not superior or inferior to your own. It's just different.

Exactly.

But what's very interesting is when you live in another culture for so long and you go back to your home culture, your original culture, you get reverse culture shock.

That is true. I get reverse culture shock when I go back to the UK, particularly... Because when you have culture shock or when you lived in a culture for a long period of time, you might start idolizing your own culture. You might start thinking things are so great back home...

But you go back. It's not that.

Exactly, you go back and it's not how you imagined it. It's not how you imagined it or it's not how it was when you were last there.

Exactly. Okay, so let's wrap up with some coping tips for people who are actually going to study or work or live in another country.

Yes.

What are some of your tips based on your experience?

I would say the Top one is Stay Open Minded. So you're accepting the differences, but you're not trying to judge them. You're not trying to say whether or not they're good or they're bad, you just accept that there are differences.

For me it is to find the closest Asian shop. Well, yeah exactly.

Actually I mean, a joke, but it is quite important to find things that reminds you of your own culture or similar... like find some similarities and that would be kind of your I would say your comfort zone.

Well exactly.

Build just a little bit of your comfort zone.

Yeah, and Stay in Touch with Home as well, call friends and family as well.

Exactly. And it is also important, obviously it's important to learn the language, (yeah) and one of the ways to learn the language is to connect with locals, I know in some big cities like London or Paris, it is difficult to make friends.

But the thing is you're looking at the wrong crowd, you know who you can make friends with?

Usually you can try to make friends with like people who go to community groups or like elderly because they're lonely. They want to talk.

I've had Chinese friends of mine that went to the UK and they volunteered in charity shops.

Exactly, oh that is a great way. yeah

I've even had friends who went to church groups,(yeah), not because he was particularly religious but because they were welcoming.

And they didn't really care if he wasn't a church goer. They were just happy to talk to him.

Exactly. And I would say connecting with locals is probably one of the hardest but also it is the most important thing because that actually makes you feel part of the culture.

Another tip would be not local local, not like native speakers. You can also connect with expats who have been there for years and speak the language because they know exactly what you're going through .

Exactly. And the last one I would say Give Yourself Time. It does take a long time to get through culture shock, particularly if you are there for years, if you're studying, if you're working, so be kind to yourself.

For me, I would say don't take yourself too seriously, laugh at your mistakes or even maybe post some videos on 抖音,視頻號, whatever, and make light of all these daily encounters.

Yeah.

Because when you look back that is going to be a treasure trove (寶藏) of all your life experiences.

And I look back at my time when I first came to China, I made so many mistakes, but now they're just funny stories that you can tell other people.

Exactly.

So whether you are already planning to go abroad or maybe you had that experience, hopefully these tips will resonate with you.

So let us know in the comment section if you have any tips and also if you have any experiences of culture shock yourself.

And also if you want to request any new topics that you want us to talk about, leave us a comment as well. Thank you 安瀾for coming to the studio.

Thanks Lulu, thanks everyone.

We'll see you next time.

Bye bye.