Hi again and welcome back.I don't know about you, but lately I've been following up on a piece of news about a big fallout between a boss and his employee. On the internet, you can find transcripts of a long recording in which he made some quite extreme remarks about this employee. Like many disputes between bosses and employees, this piece of news went viral overnight, sparking a lot of heated discussions over something people are now calling PUA.Personally I'm not sure if that is the correct term for what is happening.If you look at PUA originally stands for pick up artist, it is about private relationships.

The PUA seems to be in private relationships when one person is trying to trick the other person into being completely dependent, they try to manipulate and control the other person, hurting them in order to satisfy their own physical and emotional needs.

But in workplace, things are a bit different.First of all, it is not about private relationships anymore. Second of all, it’s not always about tricking someone.Actually, a lot of what you see at work place might be down right bullying.

So in today's episode, instead of making personal comments on this specific piece of news, I would like to talk to you about workplace bullying.

Workplace bullying is a growing problem that countless people face every day.But there is a problem, how do you draw the line between a boss being tough and a boss being a bully? Because sometimes people confuse bullying with toughness.

So some people might not even realize that they are being bullied.On the other hand, if you work for a boss that sets very high goals and expects a lot from you and the team, this does not necessarily mean that your boss is bullying you.

There are some important differences between bosses who bully and bosses who are just tough on their employees. Here are a few ways to tell the difference between a tough boss and a bullying boss.

The first difference, tough bosses set high goals but bullies demand unattainable results.A tough boss expects his employees to follow strict guidelines and has high demands for them.But he also gives his employees all the tools and help the need to succeed.

So ultimately, a tough boss, they want you to achieve the goals.However, a bullying boss might set unrealistic deadlines that are sure to lead to failure.He also might change the guidelines which will lead to extra work or they will withhold necessary information.

It's almost like they want you to fail.And he does these things to exert his power and his control of the situation.

The second difference is tough bosses hold everyone to high standards, but bullies will single out one or a few people.

A tough boss is tough on everyone.He does not single out one person.But instead, he's very consistent in his treatment of others.A tough boss holds all his employees to the same high standard and they often have high standards for themselves.

As a result, no one feels less valued than other people. Everyone knows they have to work hard to succeed. They are usually inclusive, meaning they want to include everyone in the team.But bullies on the other hand, often question the skills and competency of one employee or a few specific employees, they usually do so by insulting their opinions and ideas.

They also might let out unfair criticism and blame, usually targeting one or a few specific employees over and over again.They also might exclude certain employees they don't like from meetings and social gatherings.

This type of behavior negatively affects the entire atmosphere of the office and makes teamwork nearly impossible.Usually in this type of environment, employees would focus on making the bullying boss happy rather than focusing on the job at hand.

So if you feel like you have always been singled out for these insults and criticism, chances are you have been bullied.

Difference number three, tough bosses are fair but bullies are unfair and irrational.

A lot of what separates a bully and a tough boss is whether they follow real logic.A tough boss does not cuddle people, so they don't try to indulge or spoil people.But he is also willing to roll up his sleeves and help get the job done.

And a tough boss actually supports his employees when needed.By contrast, a bullying boss is usually unfair and they don't really care about their employees.They will sell their employees out just to protect their own skin.

A bullying boss is also quick to blame others for failures while taking credit for all successes. He also shows favoritism among employees.So everyone knows clearly who is his favorite and is very clear about who he does not like.

And he also tends to have anger management problems.He can't control his temper.He may often yell, swear and even spill outright insults to the employees they don't like, treating them like emotional punching bags.

All of these suggest irrational behavior that are just helping them to unload their frustration.

Number four and this is very important.Tough bosses work for the good of the company, but bullies thrive on power.

A tough but good boss always has the company's interest in mind.He encourages teamwork and works toward making the company better.He is willing to work just as hard and sometimes even harder than his employees to get the job done.

Many tough bosses tend to be workaholics themselves, but a bullying boss is more interested in the power in being in control and having power over other people.He is what we call a power hungry leader that thrives on having control over others.

So it's not really the work or the company he enjoys, but rather having this power over other people.He also takes credit for things that he did not do and he rarely acknowledges the success of his employees.

Last but not least tough bosses are honest and trustworthy, but bullys spread rumors and gossip.

A tough boss might be tough, but he tells his employees like it is.He might be a straight shooter using quite direct language, but he shows respect in the process.And additionally employees know that they can count on him to be honest in all situations even when the truth hurts.

However, a bullying boss is manipulative.He will control situations by spreading rumors or gossiping about others.For example, if they feel like they want to single out an employee, they can go around saying nasty things behind their back.

And what's more, they often try to pet one employee against another, and encourage unhealthy competition.They might intentionally try to create tension between two employees, making them fight against each other.

If you find yourself in a situation where your boss is trying to bait you into an unhealthy conversation about another employee, do not take the bait, maintain your beliefs and values while trying to determine how best to deal with the situation.

Because think about it, this time your boss can get you to say nasty things about another employee.Next time he will be able to get another employee to do the same to you.

Having said these five major differences between a tough but good boss and a bully, you might have a clearer idea about the person you are working for.

It is a tough situation because for most adults quitting a job is not that easy.But if you believe your boss is bullying you, this is not an environment that you should try to live with.Dealing with a bullying boss can be exhausting.And in a long run, you might end up losing more.

So if you're truly bullied by your boss, even if you can't get out of that job right at the moment, maybe it's time to start exploring other options.And also if you're feeling emotionally drained, depressed or anxious, find someone you can trust and someone who truly listens to you to talk it out.

And if things get really bad, do not be afraid to seek professional help.After all, we spend most of our waking moments at work and you deserve to be in a healthy environment.

And that wraps up today's episode.

Have you ever being bullied at work or seen workplace bullying？Have any tips to share on coping with the situation？Or are you a boss yourself who wishes to share your side of the story？

Leave us a comment. Your experiences matter because they might just help other people who are going through the same thing.

I'll see you next time.Bye.

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