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The house was empty when I arrived and I looked for a note on the refrigerator that might explain my mother's absence, but found none. My chin quivered with a mixture of heartbreak and rage. For the first time in my life, my mother had let me down.
當我回到家，屋子里空無一人。我到冰箱上找有沒有她留下的便條，她也許會解釋沒去的原因，可那兒什么也沒有。失望和憤怒一頭襲來，我氣得下巴直抖。生平第一次，母親讓我失望了。
I was lying face-down on my bed upstairs when I heard her come through the front door.
我上樓去，在自己的床上趴著。這時樓下傳來她進門的聲音。
"Robbie," she called out a bit urgently. "Where are you?"
“羅比，”她略顯焦急地喚我，“你在哪呢？”
I could then hear her darting frantically from room to room, wondering where I could be.
我能聽到她著魔似地逐個房間找我。我仍舊一聲不吭。
I remained silent. In a moment, she mounted the steps. When she entered my room and sat beside me on my bed, I didn't move but instead stared blankly into my pillow refusing to acknowledge her presence.
很快，她上樓了。腳步聲顯得越來越快。她進到我的房間，挨著我在床上坐著。我茫然地盯著枕頭一動不動，當她不存在一樣。
"I'm so sorry, honey," she said. "I just forgot. I got busy and forgot—plain and simple."
“對不起，寶貝，”她說，“我忘掉了，我一忙就忘掉了，就是這樣。”
I still didn't move. "Don't forgive her," I told myself. "She humiliated you. She forgot you. Make her pay."
我還是沒動。“別原諒她，”我告訴自己，“她讓你丟臉了，她把你給忘了。要給她點懲罰。”
Then my mother did something completely unexpected. She began to laugh. I could feel her shudder as the laughter shook her. It began quietly at first and then increased violently.
接下來母親做了一件我怎么也想不到的事。她開始笑，我感覺得到她笑得渾身顫動。開始還悄無聲息，接著越來越急促，越來越大聲。
I was incredulous. How could she laugh at a time like this? I rolled over and faced her, ready to let her see the rage and disappointment in my eyes.
我簡直不敢相信，這個時候她還笑得出來？我翻過身，面朝著她，讓她看到我眼睛里的憤怒和失望。
But my mother wasn't laughing at all. She was crying. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "I let you down. I let my little boy down."
但母親根本沒有笑，她是在哭。“對不起，”她輕輕地抽泣著，“我讓你失望了，我讓我的小家伙失望了。”
She sank down on the bed and began to weep like a little girl. I was dumbstruck. I had never seen my mother cry. To my understanding, mothers weren't supposed to.
她癱倒在床上，開始像個小女孩一樣地哭泣。我目瞪口呆。我從沒看見母親哭過。在我眼里，母親是不會哭的。我想，我哭的時候在她眼里是不是也是這個樣子。
I desperately tried to recall her own soothing words from times past when I'd skinned knees or stubbed toes, times when she knew just the right thing to say. But in this moment of tearful plight, words of profundity abandoned me like a worn-out shoe.
我拼命回想過去當我蹭破膝蓋、碰傷腳趾時她對我說的安慰話，那種時候她總是知道該說什么。可是在這個淚眼婆娑的時刻，我實在太沒用，找不到一句情深意濃的話語。
"It's okay, Mom," I stammered as I reached out and gently stroked her hair. "We didn't even need those cookies. There was plenty of stuff to eat. Don't cry. It's all right. Really."
“好了，媽媽，”我伸過手去輕輕撫摸她的頭發，結結巴巴地說，“我們其實根本不需要那些小甜餅，那里有好多吃的東西。別哭了，沒事，真的。”
My words, as inadequate as they sounded to me, prompted my mother to sit up. She wiped her eyes, and a slight smile began to crease her tear-stained cheeks. I smiled back awkwardly, and she pulled me to her.
我的話盡管自己聽來也覺得蒼白無力，卻讓母親坐了起來。她擦了擦雙眼，一絲微笑在她滿是淚痕的臉上綻開。我也不好意思地笑了笑，然后她就把我拉到懷里。
We didn't say another word. We just held each other in a long, silent embrace. When we came to the point where I would usually pull away, I decided that, this time, I could hold on, perhaps, just a little bit longer.
我們再沒有說話，只是默默地擁抱了很久很久。通常我們擁抱一會兒就會松開，但這次，我決定，也許，我會多堅持那么一會兒。
